Aug. 7, 2025

Breaking Generational Patterns: The Science Behind Bad Relationships

Breaking Generational Patterns: The Science Behind Bad Relationships

What if the people and situations you're drawn to aren't choices at all, but your brain chemistry controlling your behavior? In this eye-opening conversation, trauma survivor Jasmina Sabi reveals how our brains become addicted to their own chemicals, creating unconscious patterns that dictate our relationships, reactions, and life decisions. Jasmina shares her raw, powerful journey from growing up in chaos to repeatedly choosing older men and finding herself in psychologically abusive relati...

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What if the people and situations you're drawn to aren't choices at all, but your brain chemistry controlling your behavior? In this eye-opening conversation, trauma survivor Jasmina Sabi reveals how our brains become addicted to their own chemicals, creating unconscious patterns that dictate our relationships, reactions, and life decisions.

Jasmina shares her raw, powerful journey from growing up in chaos to repeatedly choosing older men and finding herself in psychologically abusive relationships. Through therapy and self-education about biochemistry, she discovered that her relationship patterns weren't random - they were directly tied to childhood programming that had altered her brain chemistry.

 Living in constant fight-or-flight mode creates excess cortisol, while other experiences affect dopamine and serotonin levels. These chemical imbalances drive behavior far more powerfully than conscious thought, which helps explain why breaking unhealthy cycles is so challenging.
 Jasmina argues that understanding these biochemical realities is essential for healing intergenerational trauma and creating healthier patterns.

Ready to understand why you make the choices you do? Listen now and discover the surprising science that might just set you free from repeating the same painful patterns.

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00:00 - Brain Chemistry and Dating the Wrong People

11:45 - Childhood Environment and Relationship Patterns

24:19 - Dating Older Men and Psychological Abuse

36:04 - Betrayal and Domestic Violence Dynamics

48:52 - Understanding Biochemistry and Behavior

01:01:38 - Breaking Generational Patterns and Healing

WEBVTT

00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:00.923
Did you know?

00:00:00.923 --> 00:00:07.309
Your brain is addicted to its own chemicals, and that might be why you keep choosing the wrong people.

00:00:07.309 --> 00:00:20.353
This week, I'm sitting down with the survivor of trauma, addiction and betrayal, who broke her generational patterns by learning how her biochemistry was controlling her behavior.

00:00:20.353 --> 00:00:26.167
If you've ever wondered am I thinking correctly, you'll need to hear this.

00:00:26.167 --> 00:00:43.512
Why do all of our stories seem to begin at heartbreak?

00:00:43.512 --> 00:00:58.582
My guest this week is here to hand you a mirror, to dare you to look deeper and to listen to the voice within, as we discuss how the unconscious patterns, trauma and biochemistry shape your life.

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This is a path that's either going to enslave you or set you free.

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What if the darkest chapters of your life could become someone else's survival guide?

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I'm Tiffany, survivor storyteller and host of True Crime Connections, where we turn pain into power and stories into sparks of hope.

00:01:22.138 --> 00:01:29.567
Every week, I sit down with someone who's lived through the unimaginable and found the strength to speak out.

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If you've ever questioned your worth, your reality or your past, you are not alone here, and today's guest proves it.

00:01:38.612 --> 00:01:42.887
So I'd like to welcome Yasmina Sabi.

00:01:42.887 --> 00:01:45.272
Thank you so much for being here.

00:01:45.540 --> 00:01:47.046
Thank you so much for all that content.

00:01:47.046 --> 00:01:53.271
Like I really appreciate that, like it definitely lets people know, like this is where we're going and you get promoted.

00:01:53.992 --> 00:01:54.713
Absolutely.

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This is what you're going to get.

00:01:55.864 --> 00:01:56.307
What?

00:01:56.307 --> 00:02:01.629
So you've been on one hell of a personal journey.

00:02:03.382 --> 00:02:06.325
I understand those words now Personal journey.

00:02:06.325 --> 00:02:07.394
I understand those words now, personal journey.

00:02:07.394 --> 00:02:07.959
I get it now.

00:02:07.959 --> 00:02:11.348
I thought I was just moving through life.

00:02:11.348 --> 00:02:13.145
I thought we were all doing the same thing.

00:02:13.145 --> 00:02:14.149
Are you still a degree?

00:02:16.420 --> 00:02:18.449
No, we are on different playing fields.

00:02:20.712 --> 00:02:22.651
I see, I see that.

00:02:22.651 --> 00:02:23.743
I see that.

00:02:23.743 --> 00:02:33.790
Yes, I think the fact that you say biochemistry like I don't hold a degree, so I've definitely had people come to me like why are we talking about this subject?

00:02:33.790 --> 00:02:40.151
Like what's going on here I will say I finally experienced what humans experience, which is heartbreak.

00:02:40.151 --> 00:02:54.954
It's all different types of way, but I guess the biggest heartbreak is you feel through trusted partner, trusted family member, just trust people because you feel like they have morals, or it's just the right thing to do, or you know it's just I don't know.

00:02:54.954 --> 00:02:58.705
And I hadn't experienced that because I was avoiding a relationship.

00:02:59.407 --> 00:03:05.088
I just remember growing up my life oh my God, it was so hectic, so close, so confused me.

00:03:05.088 --> 00:03:08.707
I wouldn't have worded it like that a few years ago, but yeah it was.

00:03:08.707 --> 00:03:16.431
And I just always remember when my mother was in relationships I didn't even understand the point of them, because we never have enough money.

00:03:16.431 --> 00:03:19.204
Well, I was always thinking why are they cute Like that?

00:03:19.204 --> 00:03:20.125
That was my thought.

00:03:20.164 --> 00:03:23.610
I don't even know why I was thinking like that as a kid, but why?

00:03:23.610 --> 00:03:31.848
Because my mom always talked about like oh my God, I need help paying my rent, like we need to do this, and I feel like that is every single human being is.

00:03:31.848 --> 00:03:33.752
I need to watch what I say and what I do.

00:03:33.752 --> 00:03:37.121
I need help paying this rent and I don't know why.

00:03:37.121 --> 00:03:56.838
But something kicked into me where I just felt like I didn't think it was worse, whatever she was putting up, and it felt like by the time she did figure it out, it was like three or four years later and it was just like and then it happened again and that is what made me not want to be in a relationship then, because I didn't know what was happening, why she was normalizing it.

00:03:56.838 --> 00:04:00.586
I didn't know what was normal, I just knew it doesn't feel safe.

00:04:00.586 --> 00:04:01.629
So I don't get why we're here.

00:04:12.379 --> 00:04:15.748
And I just kept hearing because we need the money to help get rent and haunted me.

00:04:15.748 --> 00:04:16.271
I guess it haunted me.

00:04:16.271 --> 00:04:18.656
I can see how that could happen, because now you're like associating love or whatever, but with monetary.

00:04:18.656 --> 00:04:19.579
You know what I mean like to you.

00:04:20.581 --> 00:04:23.889
That's what it yeah, it was it.

00:04:23.889 --> 00:04:24.531
It was confusing.

00:04:24.531 --> 00:04:25.653
My grandparents were together.

00:04:25.653 --> 00:04:26.923
You know, my grandpa had a ranch.

00:04:26.923 --> 00:04:27.908
It was almost an acre.

00:04:27.908 --> 00:04:29.403
They had horses or whatever.

00:04:29.403 --> 00:04:30.286
They didn't look happy.

00:04:30.286 --> 00:04:38.146
So it was just this partnership just looks dangerous, because grandma and grandpa have this house and have all these horses and stuff, but they don't sleep in the same room.

00:04:38.146 --> 00:04:40.185
Mom, I don't know what's going on with you.

00:04:40.185 --> 00:04:42.966
I just didn't see anything that looked healthy.

00:04:43.867 --> 00:04:48.107
And I remember when I was in high school oh my god, I fell in love with this guy.

00:04:48.107 --> 00:04:51.036
He didn't do nothing special, nothing.

00:04:51.036 --> 00:04:51.699
He wasn't in my void.

00:04:51.699 --> 00:04:56.612
I was one of those people like never being kissed, it was like that, in the background.

00:04:56.612 --> 00:05:00.163
I mean, I hung around the kids, but it was like I wasn't.

00:05:00.163 --> 00:05:02.267
I didn't, I don't know what I didn't have.

00:05:02.267 --> 00:05:04.971
I didn't have somebody's faithful sweetheart.

00:05:07.660 --> 00:05:11.064
And I remember it was the neighborhoods that I grew up in.

00:05:11.064 --> 00:05:25.228
I hate to say neighborhoods, maybe this is just every environment, but they weren't nice, they were bullies and you felt like you had to save face and, especially if you're with a popular crowd, you just were always trying to keep your composure, I guess.

00:05:25.228 --> 00:05:34.288
And I remember when I was like man, I was 16 or 17 and I met this older man and he looked like he was 40-something.

00:05:34.288 --> 00:05:36.706
I didn't know him, I thought he was 27.

00:05:36.706 --> 00:05:40.846
Like that makes it different, obviously, if somebody hears that today.

00:05:40.846 --> 00:05:52.370
But I just remember I was like, oh, when he was guess, helping me, like I didn't have to steal from stories to get hair or food or just things like that.

00:05:52.370 --> 00:06:00.721
Because, like I said, I just feel like the way we grew up, my grandma, grandpa, helped so much but I, I don't know, I didn't know what it was, why.

00:06:00.721 --> 00:06:11.394
I just felt like it was never enough help to them, you know, and they'd unfortunately have an environment where I feel like we were most susceptible to what goes on out there.

00:06:11.394 --> 00:06:16.411
If you're not watching you and if you're worried about paying bills, don't do on this.

00:06:16.411 --> 00:06:19.646
And so we lived in, I guess, like a gang affiliated neighborhood.

00:06:19.646 --> 00:06:27.209
I hate to say gang because, honestly, where I'm from, if la for just all that again, I would say that was not a gay and I was like, well, it definitely wasn't nice.

00:06:27.209 --> 00:06:30.053
Whatever it was, it wasn't nice.

00:06:30.053 --> 00:06:33.901
I didn't want to be there.

00:06:33.901 --> 00:06:42.803
Looked like damn movies, maybe I can say just property, I guess but it was very chaotic and whatnot, and so I did steal but it was funny because I didn't hear.

00:06:42.884 --> 00:06:49.005
But my mom, unconsciously to her, was always like you're in charge because you got the biggest part.

00:06:49.005 --> 00:06:56.069
Everyone listening is Selena, and I didn't realize I recently heard that was probably one of the ancestors and I was like who the hell is doing that to me?

00:06:56.069 --> 00:06:59.089
You know you don't believe, like, oh, you can help me out.

00:06:59.089 --> 00:07:00.069
Thank you so much.

00:07:00.069 --> 00:07:05.411
And I don't know if just the single moms, they just get comforted by it.

00:07:05.411 --> 00:07:07.632
My mom didn't have a boyfriend.

00:07:07.632 --> 00:07:10.593
That's why I never understood the point of relationships.

00:07:10.593 --> 00:07:12.814
If you need my help, why is he here?

00:07:12.814 --> 00:07:19.817
And I think that's what a lot of kids are trying to tell their parents you still need my damn help, why be here?

00:07:19.817 --> 00:07:21.177
You still need my help.

00:07:21.177 --> 00:07:23.418
So I feel like it was like that.

00:07:23.418 --> 00:07:27.783
But yeah, I definitely felt like I didn't have to rob.

00:07:27.783 --> 00:07:30.228
It felt nice, it was just so.

00:07:30.228 --> 00:07:31.971
That had a huge impact.

00:07:31.971 --> 00:07:40.583
Obviously people would know today I don't know if they do so much back then of me dating older men because I felt like I wasn't being embarrassed.

00:07:40.583 --> 00:07:43.995
People weren't going around saying oh, she did this or did that, making up lies.

00:07:43.995 --> 00:07:52.170
It was private to me, it was helpful to me and that that's what I saw, that I didn't have to deal with that bullying or humiliating feeling that I felt in high school.

00:07:53.673 --> 00:07:57.906
The money I guess I don't feel like it was really the money If I didn't think you did nothing.

00:07:57.906 --> 00:08:06.281
I guess super lavish it was just more so.

00:08:06.281 --> 00:08:08.947
The fact that he cared is what I was saying was saying like, don't go and steal that.

00:08:08.947 --> 00:08:09.870
I want more details about that in my book.

00:08:09.870 --> 00:08:13.180
But when I think about Mulder and I had my son and I remember I was it's a story to that.

00:08:13.180 --> 00:08:18.190
If I go into every detail of everything, this will take two hours but it's in my book.

00:08:18.190 --> 00:08:24.492
But overall I remember I found myself in a situation I was like, oh my god, how do I provide for him sell us my job?

00:08:25.312 --> 00:08:27.423
I took a title loan out of my car in the inch.

00:08:27.423 --> 00:08:29.146
I took out $200 title loan.

00:08:29.146 --> 00:08:31.151
The interest was $500 a month.

00:08:31.151 --> 00:08:33.462
I did not know that was a bad.

00:08:33.462 --> 00:08:39.572
I did not know that was just the insurance.

00:08:39.572 --> 00:08:40.153
You know.

00:08:40.153 --> 00:08:44.727
You know people aren't mean out here, because why did they let me walk in there, a 19 yearyear-old?

00:08:44.727 --> 00:08:48.784
It would make me feel like I was getting a deal and it was like, hey, whatever, that's what the world is money.

00:08:48.784 --> 00:08:52.466
They didn't care they were making a commission.

00:08:53.461 --> 00:08:54.525
Yeah, I will never forget.

00:08:54.525 --> 00:08:58.932
He walked up and slid a $15 coupon on the table when I was trying to figure out if I should do it or not.

00:08:59.980 --> 00:09:01.302
A $15 coupon.

00:09:02.182 --> 00:09:09.793
I swear I was looking at that coupon like, ooh, it was like $15, maybe 15 max, okay, I don't really remember, but it was a joke.

00:09:09.793 --> 00:09:13.743
I ended up doing it alone because I needed the money to get another apartment.

00:09:13.743 --> 00:09:19.065
And so when I got into my apartment I was thinking, okay, cool, like me and my son are good.

00:09:19.065 --> 00:09:22.788
And then I lost my job because I didn't have a reliable babysitter.

00:09:22.788 --> 00:09:23.690
My family was.

00:09:23.690 --> 00:09:34.352
I think everyone can relate that families don't watch your baby the way they want to watch it and that's why people I guess it's nice but it's kind of like dang, you know they're not going to listen to nothing I'm saying.

00:09:34.352 --> 00:09:36.947
And but I lost my job.

00:09:37.019 --> 00:09:45.769
I was in a jam and I felt this ad we can apply, we asked for it and I was thinking like, yeah, right, they're like, tell me, because I'll be, because they always put no black bros.

00:09:45.769 --> 00:09:52.225
And I remember I met this one lady who's here I did, and she was like man, you make so much money and it is so hard to get out of.

00:09:52.225 --> 00:09:58.010
And that's what was replaying in the back of my mind when I was looking at the site and I was thinking like I need the money out, I'm for this.

00:09:58.010 --> 00:10:02.107
And I replied and sure as shit.

00:10:02.107 --> 00:10:04.993
And the guy was straightforward, like it's extra money.

00:10:04.993 --> 00:10:08.470
And I was like, okay, whatever, I just need some money.

00:10:08.470 --> 00:10:11.159
And so I was making money doing that for a while.

00:10:11.159 --> 00:10:17.206
I'd want to the rates and everything like that in my book because people are curious, which makes sense, but it's in my book.

00:10:17.688 --> 00:10:30.730
But overall I had got to a place where I got into therapy and my therapist she helped me realize, like you, your background was so traumatic and I was like that wasn't normal and she's like that's not normal.

00:10:30.730 --> 00:10:33.101
And I was so confused.

00:10:33.101 --> 00:10:35.528
I was like I just didn't understand.

00:10:35.528 --> 00:10:38.861
Like if you got upset with somebody, I thought it was normal to want to keep them.

00:10:38.861 --> 00:10:41.267
I didn't know that wasn't mom.

00:10:41.267 --> 00:10:53.606
And I say I was a little bright, but I'm just thinking back like, but I remember when she helped me realize, like if foul wind might infuse, is that the reason why you're doing it?

00:10:53.606 --> 00:10:56.966
Is the reason why you're in this relationship, is the reason you're drinking.

00:10:56.966 --> 00:11:00.068
And I think I had to write a possible book the Body Keeps Us.

00:11:00.068 --> 00:11:05.121
For, oh my God, I just was like blew my mind.

00:11:05.121 --> 00:11:07.147
It blew my mind.

00:11:07.246 --> 00:11:12.284
It is so crazy how much we don't realize that childhood shapes us.

00:11:12.284 --> 00:11:17.022
In so many homes we do think what we're going through is normal.

00:11:17.022 --> 00:11:22.302
It's not, until either you go to someone else's house and they're like, whoa, what the hell's going on over here?

00:11:22.302 --> 00:11:27.484
Or you grow up and someone's like well, do you want to know why?

00:11:27.484 --> 00:11:28.366
You're fucked up.

00:11:28.366 --> 00:11:29.429
It's Y and Z.

00:11:29.429 --> 00:11:31.568
And you're like, oh shit.

00:11:32.900 --> 00:11:37.184
You're like no, you're not normal, you're not normal, we're not playing at each other.

00:11:37.184 --> 00:11:37.927
What's not normal?

00:11:37.927 --> 00:11:44.793
And then I feel like it gets to the point where man I got to figure out fight, fight, fight or freeze kicks in.

00:11:44.793 --> 00:11:47.015
And it's very, very important.

00:11:47.015 --> 00:11:52.504
And basically, after I had realized that I was in therapy, I had met a Russian friend.

00:11:52.504 --> 00:11:54.410
It was funny, psychology is a big thing.

00:11:54.410 --> 00:11:58.208
She was like hey, I'm going to give you this vitamin, don't drink for a weekend, you're going to be healed.

00:11:58.208 --> 00:12:00.287
And I was like, oh, I'm healed.

00:12:00.287 --> 00:12:07.327
Just the fact she told me that shit was enough, because I had never been.

00:12:07.349 --> 00:12:09.937
I had been sober from alcohol for probably 14 years, and it was just her saying that that helped me.

00:12:09.937 --> 00:12:10.782
So I had stopped drinking.

00:12:10.782 --> 00:12:11.605
I was in therapy.

00:12:11.605 --> 00:12:17.365
I've been going to therapy for like three years and then I was like okay, I'm ready for a husband, you know.

00:12:17.365 --> 00:12:24.730
I was like I got myself cleaned up, I presented for the world and my daughter even told me like, on, your're a regular mom now.

00:12:24.750 --> 00:12:40.928
And I was like, because I was a functional, you know, and so I had met this guy and I provided I was still an escort, because once I guess I knew better I was like I already got my chance to pass on to this life and I knew it would do more damage to.

00:12:40.928 --> 00:12:41.711
Okay, who cares?

00:12:41.711 --> 00:12:45.104
We're starting, friend, you know, fresh one bedroom, who cares?

00:12:45.104 --> 00:12:45.726
We're all gonna.

00:12:45.726 --> 00:12:51.001
I feel like that would have created was I mean, from what I found out so far about childhood be very important to you.

00:12:51.001 --> 00:12:53.868
It really made me like, okay, I can't just switch that environment.

00:12:53.868 --> 00:13:03.729
And so I was like but I need to get myself together before I look for a partner, because when I was in my early 20s I was trying to be in a relationship and it just felt controlling.

00:13:03.729 --> 00:13:09.409
I didn't know why it was happening, I just knew it feels like I can't think, or I gotta move on, I gotta remove myself.

00:13:09.409 --> 00:13:17.889
That's all I knew Because, like I said, I came from a violent background and it was like at some point I'm gonna swing on you, because I thought that was normal.

00:13:17.889 --> 00:13:24.652
And also I did not know it was psychological abuse, it was emotional abuse, financial abuse.

00:13:24.652 --> 00:13:25.293
I didn't know all that.

00:13:25.293 --> 00:13:28.080
All I knew was fill my pockets, pop on me right now and I'm going to hit you.

00:13:28.080 --> 00:13:30.128
That's all I knew.

00:13:30.128 --> 00:13:35.543
And so once I felt like I did learn enough healthy thing healthy on myself.

00:13:35.543 --> 00:13:42.409
I met an older man with me being in that world and he was like, well, I wanted to have an arrangement with you.

00:13:42.409 --> 00:13:49.186
And I was like I always drifted away from that shit because my friend she had a sugar nutty but she almost hated seeing.

00:13:49.186 --> 00:13:51.947
She was like, oh, that guy looks like me in the sky.

00:13:51.947 --> 00:13:57.407
She just looked so fucking miserable and I was just like why do you keep going to see this person?

00:13:57.407 --> 00:14:00.024
Then, like I just didn't understand that and I was like because he helps me.

00:14:00.024 --> 00:14:02.769
And I was like I don't want to play that game.

00:14:02.769 --> 00:14:04.932
And I've had some men say like, yeah, I'm going to take care of you.

00:14:04.932 --> 00:14:06.434
Then I find out they had a fucking wife.

00:14:06.434 --> 00:14:07.503
I'm like fuck.

00:14:07.904 --> 00:14:10.870
Psychological Because, like I said, I always felt like I'm going to hit you.

00:14:10.870 --> 00:14:21.028
So it was really easy for me to not put myself in those situations because if I get too confused I'm going to hit you or I'm going to yell and scream or I don't know.

00:14:21.028 --> 00:14:22.210
I just don't want to feel that.

00:14:22.210 --> 00:14:27.153
You know, there's no amount of money you could pay to make me suppress that emotion.

00:14:27.153 --> 00:14:30.315
I think it was maybe just the spirit.

00:14:30.315 --> 00:14:39.770
I feel like that was telling me things that I didn't know on an educated level, like if you go out here and play this psychological game with this person, you're going to be angrier with your kids.

00:14:39.770 --> 00:14:45.490
Like it was just always some type of consciousness telling me what could happen if I did that.

00:14:46.980 --> 00:14:57.149
Because I always subconsciously studied human behavior and I'll watch shows like Fatal Attraction, because I'm trying to understand, like what led up to that, not just the hey, you shouldn't have did that.

00:14:57.149 --> 00:14:58.884
I'm like why is it happening?

00:14:58.884 --> 00:15:00.530
Is what I'm trying to understand.

00:15:00.530 --> 00:15:04.230
And people have so many different words for why stuff is happening.

00:15:04.230 --> 00:15:07.924
But that's what we're going to get to biochemistry in a minute.

00:15:07.924 --> 00:15:11.982
But so many different words there you're possessed, right.

00:15:11.982 --> 00:15:15.769
You're like what is the problem?

00:15:15.769 --> 00:15:21.989
So many different things, like you're saying why somebody's responding like this, but why are they responding like this?

00:15:22.730 --> 00:15:27.070
So when I had met this man who was like let's have an arrangement, I was like what's that?

00:15:27.070 --> 00:15:32.361
Look, I don't think this is what's work, because I wanted to be honest with him.

00:15:32.361 --> 00:15:33.548
Like look healthy now.

00:15:33.548 --> 00:15:35.052
I used to be a bunch of alcoholics.

00:15:35.052 --> 00:15:41.606
I just always was honest because I felt like it took more energy to live and I didn't have the impulse control.

00:15:41.606 --> 00:15:47.562
So you know, you might catch me at the gym, and I did.

00:15:47.663 --> 00:15:51.567
I can't get impulse control, so I'm not a good liar.

00:15:51.567 --> 00:15:53.870
Some people really are, even.

00:15:53.870 --> 00:15:54.772
I guess that they have.

00:15:54.772 --> 00:16:00.943
No, I think if they start getting mad, you know, like, okay, you're lying Because you're getting super mad, you know.

00:16:00.943 --> 00:16:03.206
So I can't keep that psychological game going.

00:16:03.206 --> 00:16:06.532
But anyhow, I actually genuinely started liking him.

00:16:06.532 --> 00:16:07.894
You know what it was.

00:16:07.894 --> 00:16:08.735
He listened to me.

00:16:08.735 --> 00:16:18.923
I remember we went out to eat and we just listened for like almost three hours and I was like, oh my God, he's really interested in what I was saying and I guess it was an unfamiliar feeling.

00:16:18.923 --> 00:16:23.490
It felt genuine, it was safe yeah, safe, like okay.

00:16:23.490 --> 00:16:27.094
And he was sexy, but I didn't know that.

00:16:27.094 --> 00:16:32.288
I thought he was 40 something because he didn't look well, your ages are just.

00:16:32.349 --> 00:16:42.394
You are bad at telling agents I know when people like look me up, they're like I'm telling you I was completely unconscious.

00:16:42.394 --> 00:16:45.028
I guess I think I was just completely unconscious.

00:16:45.028 --> 00:16:52.845
There's a lot of people out there and that's why I'm trying to bring my story to light, because it is going out.

00:16:52.845 --> 00:16:53.985
People like hold up.

00:16:53.985 --> 00:17:01.804
I mean, granted, I feel like today is so much news Like oh, a six-year-old shouldn't be with a 30-year-old, and so forth, but I don't know.

00:17:01.804 --> 00:17:07.682
No, actually I won't say my fault or my.

00:17:07.702 --> 00:17:08.925
There was that different culture trip.

00:17:08.925 --> 00:17:14.163
My dad was like every day, I claim, you meet a very, very old, he's very rich and he takes care of you and he has no children.

00:17:14.163 --> 00:17:27.762
I was like so I think I thought I pushed it out, but maybe I didn't, maybe it was subconsciously like put in my head so I never looked at it as this was bad, like I didn't look like this guy's age is bad.

00:17:27.762 --> 00:17:29.288
I didn't look like that.

00:17:29.288 --> 00:17:33.143
I did have a friend I remember he told me like why do you keep getting with these older men?

00:17:33.143 --> 00:17:35.369
He was like if they're alone, then there's something's wrong with them.

00:17:35.369 --> 00:17:46.421
But I just always felt like I didn't want to take what people said as for sure, and I'm sure that did come from my childhood of never being sure of what was going on.

00:17:46.421 --> 00:17:48.365
I had to figure things out for myself.

00:17:48.365 --> 00:17:50.431
So that's still my attitude today.

00:17:50.431 --> 00:17:53.144
I feel like I'm more self-aware of my surrounding.

00:17:53.144 --> 00:17:55.509
But overall I need to see for myself.

00:17:55.509 --> 00:18:01.912
I can't just go off of what you said or somebody's always going to tell me I didn't think and I need to figure it out.

00:18:01.912 --> 00:18:14.705
If I'm not feeling nothing bad, I'm not going to make myself say that I'm going to cause cancer, that's going to cause phytosis, that's going to cause my hair probably to fall out, and I don't know why I may cause so many things.

00:18:15.980 --> 00:18:21.501
So I kept hearing when you're in that industry, there are tricks, and I never understood that trick.

00:18:21.501 --> 00:18:22.923
I said what is a trick?

00:18:22.923 --> 00:18:34.036
Because the thing was when I didn't have any money, if I saw somebody, they gave me money and I was thankful because I was like I need this to pay my rent, I need this to take care of my child.

00:18:34.036 --> 00:18:37.942
I never looked at them as you should.

00:18:37.942 --> 00:18:41.051
Why should they just give it to me?

00:18:41.051 --> 00:18:47.528
And somebody told me well, they feel so stupid about themselves that they have to pay him.

00:18:47.528 --> 00:18:48.510
So what's happening here?

00:18:48.510 --> 00:18:50.154
This is a mind-boggling situation.

00:18:50.154 --> 00:18:57.665
Now you want me to look at this person like, oh, they're so stupid for paying me, so you want me to also tell myself I don't deserve somebody to want to help me.

00:18:57.665 --> 00:18:59.068
Or well, they'll be doing.

00:18:59.068 --> 00:19:03.449
It's so many damn reasons of why you should feel horrible about yourself.

00:19:03.469 --> 00:19:10.530
But but a judge wakes up and literally tells people off with your head every single day, and that guy gets more respect than me.

00:19:10.530 --> 00:19:13.744
You do that every single day for a minute.

00:19:13.744 --> 00:19:18.565
I'm proud of this world and you do it in God's name, even though that's one of your commandments.

00:19:18.565 --> 00:19:20.550
But I'm distressed.

00:19:20.550 --> 00:19:26.894
So, anyways, I was just like I don't know what the fuck going on down here.

00:19:26.894 --> 00:19:31.746
I don't know what's going on down here, but I think I'm just saying things.

00:19:31.746 --> 00:19:37.025
I don't know if there's somebody out there with me, because I'm like, well, I, I'm confused.

00:19:37.486 --> 00:19:40.116
But with this man, oh my god.

00:19:40.116 --> 00:19:43.461
It was the worst pain I ever felt in my life.

00:19:43.461 --> 00:19:45.984
I didn didn't even know it could exist.

00:19:45.984 --> 00:19:50.030
I didn't know what psychological abuse was.

00:19:50.030 --> 00:19:53.746
I didn't know that being quiet could be a weapon of torture.

00:19:54.856 --> 00:19:56.683
I did not take up a bitter race with Matt.

00:19:56.683 --> 00:19:58.280
He was a 20-year-old veteran.

00:19:58.280 --> 00:20:01.844
He was 20 years and a veteran 20 years in.

00:20:01.844 --> 00:20:03.247
I didn't know about that.

00:20:03.247 --> 00:20:15.417
I didn't know that when he told me, his identity became conflicted when he was five years old and a brother that was much older than him and the mother I don't know what she was busy doing.

00:20:15.417 --> 00:20:23.683
I guess she had 10 kids, so maybe she didn't have so many kids, so people watched them, but it definitely threw off his brain chemistry.

00:20:23.683 --> 00:20:27.994
I didn't know how serious that was, up to fine.

00:20:27.994 --> 00:20:29.719
So I just said three major things.

00:20:29.719 --> 00:20:33.207
It's major, but I just felt like I wanted to be a good person.

00:20:33.227 --> 00:20:43.345
I felt like he didn't experience enough good and I had friends tell me like I can look at him and tell you can get all this money, just make him do this, just make him do that.

00:20:43.345 --> 00:20:45.400
And I was just like that's so disgusting.

00:20:45.400 --> 00:20:48.900
Why do people keep encouraging me to use this man?

00:20:48.900 --> 00:20:51.807
And they're like because he's older and he's this, he's that.

00:20:51.807 --> 00:20:57.548
And I just was like I don't want to add pain and I wish he felt the same.

00:20:57.548 --> 00:21:04.426
So I feel like where the twisting bench lit is my therapist.

00:21:04.426 --> 00:21:09.300
When I say this, just for, I guess, context, well, my therapist is telling me, like you know, he's quiet.

00:21:09.300 --> 00:21:20.063
You're not used to somebody being quiet when you're on the street in chaos and all that was true and you know you work on this and work on that and you're not taking him in consideration and so forth.

00:21:20.063 --> 00:21:27.202
And I feel like the therapist is the bottom of the food chain when it comes to a much bigger problem.

00:21:27.202 --> 00:21:37.136
And basically he was interested in me having these specific kinks look out and at first I felt like, okay, um, maybe these kinks are okay.

00:21:37.458 --> 00:21:41.326
Unfortunately, it could relate to circumstances surrounding P Diddy's case.

00:21:41.326 --> 00:21:43.701
I didn't know that.

00:21:43.701 --> 00:21:47.249
I guess everyone felt like I knew, because it looked like you, and S Roy was like what the hell did you guys think I was?

00:21:47.249 --> 00:21:48.970
Because it looked like you and S I was like what the hell did you guys think I was doing in there?

00:21:48.970 --> 00:21:52.304
Like I think they thought I was doing everything under the damn sun.

00:21:52.304 --> 00:21:55.777
I'm like no, I don't operate like that, like you know.

00:21:55.777 --> 00:22:07.788
So it was like you know how it is and I'm like, no, I don't If it sounds weird or I just never like somebody can call me and say like, hey, it's two of us, I'll be here in about five thousand.

00:22:08.088 --> 00:22:12.890
I used to talk to myself well, somebody's not going to be happy, because what if I won't stop Now, I can't.

00:22:12.890 --> 00:22:14.355
Now you're going to take the money back.

00:22:14.355 --> 00:22:16.443
So I just don't put myself in that situation.

00:22:16.443 --> 00:22:19.295
I'm not going to feel like I have to do something.

00:22:19.295 --> 00:22:22.423
I think about the whole situation.

00:22:22.423 --> 00:22:29.875
I don't just see money and situation.

00:22:29.875 --> 00:22:30.878
I don't just see money, and that's very surprising.

00:22:30.878 --> 00:22:31.460
I'm noticing with feelings.

00:22:31.460 --> 00:22:34.346
They're like you actually took time to think about it.

00:22:34.366 --> 00:22:37.315
Yes, but do you see how you got that?

00:22:37.315 --> 00:22:39.762
I'm telling you that's what I was talking about earlier.

00:22:39.762 --> 00:22:52.346
Like your mom subconsciously put that, I truly believe how you edit them that way, because that's what you associated it with, that's what you knew yeah, I guess.

00:22:52.685 --> 00:22:53.769
Well, you just said out loud.

00:22:53.769 --> 00:23:01.196
I'm like like, yeah, because I was thinking, like, I thought like you compromised your dignity all the time and we didn't even proven off.

00:23:01.196 --> 00:23:06.807
And I guess people looked at me like, well, well, you're in this category, so your ding-a-ling is gone.

00:23:06.807 --> 00:23:07.409
You have none.

00:23:07.409 --> 00:23:11.265
I did not know that's what people were going to think of me.

00:23:11.265 --> 00:23:13.843
I was very shocked that that's what they saw.

00:23:14.654 --> 00:23:19.945
But, great, I learned why when I wasn't into the king, because I just felt like I was coming from a healthy place.

00:23:19.945 --> 00:23:24.207
Especially when I learned more about his palate, I was like this isn't healthy.

00:23:24.207 --> 00:23:31.102
And he felt like like now it's making me really happy.

00:23:31.102 --> 00:23:31.984
And I was like what is that healthy?

00:23:31.984 --> 00:23:51.903
I was like it's because of your childhood and so forth and I was like you're basically trying to confirm me to do this because you feel like it's going to happen anyways, or your identity is conflicted, because, unfortunately, what you went through at five years old and the problem was, I don't know, somebody told him hey, stop, this isn't okay, let's think about this differently.

00:23:51.903 --> 00:23:53.641
But nobody listened because he had money.

00:23:53.641 --> 00:23:59.881
So it was just like you know, whatever, he got somebody else to do it and then they would hate him later.

00:23:59.881 --> 00:24:03.904
So I was like I don't give a shit, I'm just playing.

00:24:03.904 --> 00:24:09.346
And then when he became my fiance and stuff, I was like that's stupid, like you need to go get some help.

00:24:09.346 --> 00:24:09.769
For me it's therapy.

00:24:09.769 --> 00:24:13.603
And we got into therapy Because I was like it's not coming from a healthy place.

00:24:13.603 --> 00:24:25.827
I can tell by the way you walk, the way you move, the way you sweat, because I steady people, I'm steadying you, so I can tell by your smile, I can tell by the way your face is.

00:24:25.827 --> 00:24:34.746
It's an emotion that you were trying to keep up, because nobody took care of it when you were a kid and it really messed up.

00:24:36.605 --> 00:25:13.309
Basically, I became pregnant, even though he was like, yeah, let's have one, no, let's not have one, and I really felt love with him, like really in love with him, and I guess when I became pregnant, something happened in his brain and he left and we had just I had left my fucking house, that I had good relationship my man won't let me moved into a five-bedroom house and I felt we were happy and three months later, when he found I was pregnant, he left and he told everybody he was from a domestic violence relationship and I was like I mean I'm yelling at him, getting his face, like push him, like you know.

00:25:13.309 --> 00:25:16.519
And I remember I was telling my friend this and she said well, tell her about this domestic violence.

00:25:16.519 --> 00:25:29.839
I'm like shut up a massive biolifesimacy bug.

00:25:29.839 --> 00:25:31.991
And I was like, well, that's why people don't realize when they're being biobased.

00:25:31.991 --> 00:25:33.005
I said I never thought of it.

00:25:33.005 --> 00:25:44.384
We don't see it as like we're hurting you or scaring you, even if we're yelling and screaming, because it's like you're not bleeding and that's a big thing growing up, are you bleeding?

00:25:44.384 --> 00:25:48.059
I don't know if that's in every other culture, but yeah, it's a big thing growing up, are you bleeding?

00:25:48.059 --> 00:25:48.961
You're not, okay, you're fine.

00:25:49.981 --> 00:25:53.507
So I guess that just stopped the program and okay, you're not bleeding.

00:25:53.507 --> 00:25:54.708
So somebody's yelling, screaming.

00:25:54.708 --> 00:26:05.102
So I was yelling, screaming and popping my lungs in his face but I did not think I's 60-something and I said you know what's the fucking funny?

00:26:05.102 --> 00:26:07.486
If he's scared, why does he keep playing with my head?

00:26:07.486 --> 00:26:12.061
But fuck, I thought why is he scared?

00:26:12.061 --> 00:26:13.819
Why does he keep playing with my fucking head?

00:26:13.819 --> 00:26:14.541
That doesn't make sense.

00:26:14.541 --> 00:26:18.565
I said I've been scared and, trust me, if I'm really scared, I'm not going to keep playing with your head.

00:26:18.565 --> 00:26:19.961
I'm like okay, let me stop.

00:26:21.741 --> 00:26:26.846
But me like he would say things like I'm done being mad, catch him, yeah.

00:26:26.846 --> 00:26:30.890
And I thought I'm not supposed to fall like this.

00:26:30.890 --> 00:26:37.663
He's like you're supposed to just take it and just walk away and I'm like they're gonna walk away and now you got the wrong one and you.

00:26:37.663 --> 00:26:39.188
You could know that by the way I talk.

00:26:39.188 --> 00:26:42.982
I don't know what made you think you could talk to me like that.

00:26:42.982 --> 00:26:45.829
So anyways, I say that for context.

00:26:45.829 --> 00:26:48.505
He said he was in a domestic violence situation.

00:26:48.505 --> 00:26:51.263
A lot of people will say that is domestic violence.

00:26:51.263 --> 00:26:53.000
I'm not going to lie to you.

00:26:53.000 --> 00:27:01.041
Pretty educated on it and it's still a hard pill for me to swallow that me yelling and screaming in a man's face is domestic violence.

00:27:01.041 --> 00:27:05.340
I was never taught to even believe something like that growing up.

00:27:05.340 --> 00:27:08.083
That you prefer to man's feelings.

00:27:08.083 --> 00:27:10.098
I don't, I don't know?

00:27:10.118 --> 00:27:17.221
yeah, I mean, it's also in the words that you're saying you know, when you put someone down, you belittle them and all that.

00:27:17.221 --> 00:27:23.442
That's that's domestic violence, because that's emotional abuse I did not know that.

00:27:23.462 --> 00:27:26.128
I actually y'all, I did not know that actually.

00:27:26.128 --> 00:27:27.090
No, I did not know that.

00:27:27.090 --> 00:27:30.134
I was like it's so normalized.

00:27:30.134 --> 00:27:40.375
I would say I don't know if it's poverty or if it's the black community or whatever, but that always happens and you just find a way to laugh at it and just move on and alright, whatever.

00:27:40.375 --> 00:27:45.315
I didn't know, but the thing was I noticed a difference in him and the cops together.

00:27:46.419 --> 00:27:56.134
The way it felt like is he did everything that I wanted, or she had left Pete in his house, like I felt like it was just hunting, studying.

00:27:56.134 --> 00:27:59.766
They always say, oh, men are hunters, that's a joke.

00:27:59.766 --> 00:28:00.942
That's not a joke.

00:28:00.942 --> 00:28:03.575
That's what it felt like.

00:28:03.575 --> 00:28:04.805
Just what does she want to hear?

00:28:04.805 --> 00:28:05.875
How can I give her comfort?

00:28:05.875 --> 00:28:12.462
And it was bald because he just wanted me to perform this act to take care of that.

00:28:12.742 --> 00:28:21.400
I don't know if it was a general in rush or womb that never got built, meaning as a kid, and so I would say things like let's invest the bill before you give out $1,000.

00:28:21.400 --> 00:28:23.945
And he's like I don't want to, I just want to spend it, I don't want to, I just want to spend it.

00:28:23.945 --> 00:28:25.126
And I'm like hold on, like it got so uncomfortable.

00:28:25.126 --> 00:28:28.611
I didn't even want to spend money Because I was like I don't know why you're spending like this.

00:28:28.611 --> 00:28:30.663
It was really confusing to me.

00:28:30.663 --> 00:28:33.875
And even though he made money, I was like this isn't normal behavior.

00:28:33.875 --> 00:28:34.876
I really loved him.

00:28:34.936 --> 00:28:38.760
So I was thinking down the line, like people were like who cares about shopping and so forth.

00:28:38.760 --> 00:28:42.284
I'm like what start all over again?

00:28:42.284 --> 00:28:45.247
I mean, maybe I guess I will at some point, but I didn't think this soon.

00:28:45.247 --> 00:28:46.669
But I'm trying to.

00:28:46.669 --> 00:28:47.890
I'm trying to enjoy him.

00:28:47.890 --> 00:28:53.026
I want him to be here and the way he's going, I think he's going to have a stroke or something's going to happen.

00:28:53.890 --> 00:28:58.558
And basically to my little brother, he was telling me like he's a trick, he's a trick.

00:28:58.558 --> 00:29:00.642
And I was like don't ever say that about him again.

00:29:00.642 --> 00:29:01.323
He's not a trick.

00:29:01.323 --> 00:29:03.005
You know, don't talk like that.

00:29:03.005 --> 00:29:05.167
He's very helpful, he's a nice man.

00:29:05.167 --> 00:29:12.500
And my brother got mad at me because I don't know what was going on with him, but it didn't feel like he was progressing.

00:29:12.500 --> 00:29:15.882
I was trying to help his child's mother out because she was addicted to opioid.

00:29:15.882 --> 00:29:23.502
She was sleeping on the floor with her baby and it was the winter time and I was like I did not want to help with this baby, but I can't ignore new and authentic daughters.

00:29:23.502 --> 00:29:45.994
So I was taking care of the baby, I was doing so much with my brother, this girl and Eric, and come to find out Eric had started a relationship with my brother's child's mother to to so my belief, to fulfill that itch and my brother in person holy shit oh my gosh, and my brother in person relationship.

00:29:46.115 --> 00:29:49.637
From what I've been told, my brother will deny like I never encouraged that.

00:29:49.637 --> 00:29:51.542
Nobody wants to really talk about him.

00:29:51.542 --> 00:29:54.660
Like I mean, he went so as far as to get the girl in the apartment.

00:29:54.660 --> 00:29:57.346
He knew she couldn't afford the type of setup that was.

00:29:57.346 --> 00:30:26.696
It was going on for like over a year after I found out still had a leak going on and whenever I was pregnant and this psychological game was in place even though I'm domestic violence and I'm not trying to say that it isn't domestic violence but I feel like if somebody's responding in particular ways for a reason, nobody's just running around screaming and yelling something of wrong and it's hard to show psychological abuse.

00:30:26.696 --> 00:30:29.695
I don't know how you can show that, especially when they don't release fog.

00:30:29.695 --> 00:30:34.045
That's what would be crazy, because they there.

00:30:34.045 --> 00:30:38.563
There's no phones, really, you know, unless you're, I guess, in your room and somebody said something.

00:30:38.563 --> 00:30:40.056
What you're gonna report that really quickly.

00:30:40.056 --> 00:30:55.222
I mean, I guess you put that's a new thing now, but literally what the hell wants to walk around like come on, and yeah, I just remember when I found out I found out because I was on Instagram and I think he was following her on Instagram and she was following him and I was four months pregnant.

00:30:55.222 --> 00:30:56.144
He had left the house.

00:30:56.144 --> 00:30:59.441
He said he was in domestic violence relationship you're you know so.

00:30:59.441 --> 00:31:05.182
And this was my third child with a different guy and my kids were 10 and 11.

00:31:05.182 --> 00:31:12.609
So it was like I'm about to go through this all over again by myself and it was just like humiliating and I'm like why is he following her?

00:31:12.609 --> 00:31:13.734
And he was like you're crazy.

00:31:13.734 --> 00:31:20.845
And she was messaging me like well, if he wanted to watch you from a baby, I don't even appreciate you coming at me like this, like, and my brother said what's wrong with you?

00:31:20.845 --> 00:31:22.436
Like your mom was just like what is wrong with her?

00:31:22.436 --> 00:31:24.099
How could you even think something like that?

00:31:24.099 --> 00:31:25.984
And I'm like God, what's wrong with me?

00:31:25.984 --> 00:31:35.452
I had got gestational diabetes during my pregnancy.

00:31:35.452 --> 00:31:38.494
My baby ended up coming early, at 34 weeks before it wrapped around her neck two times.

00:31:38.494 --> 00:31:54.262
I mean, I was so stressed through my whole pregnancy because I didn't understand why he left and it was so many emotions Like he left after I got this house with him this is my third trial and then, most of all, he was in a domestic violence relationship and I was just confused.

00:31:54.715 --> 00:32:00.665
Everything was confusing me the house, my relationship, who I was and my domestic violence person.

00:32:00.665 --> 00:32:01.667
Like I was really lost.

00:32:01.667 --> 00:32:08.223
And then when I seen what he did with that girl, I'm like were you in a domestic violence?

00:32:08.223 --> 00:32:11.362
So it was just like what the hell is going on?

00:32:11.362 --> 00:32:12.305
And that's what I told you.

00:32:12.305 --> 00:32:13.897
He couldn't have thought he was in domestic violence.

00:32:13.917 --> 00:32:15.545
Why would he do something that close to me?

00:32:15.545 --> 00:32:34.009
I was like because I'm thinking about how I grew up in the environment I'm in and I feel like that's where a big difference is when it just comes to, I guess, the world, because, like where I grew up at, if you really felt scared of somebody, you don't do something where you feel like they could unleash.

00:32:34.009 --> 00:32:50.461
There was enough danger around people that you know that somebody can take your life, and so I never experienced somebody feeling like they will just keep, I don't know, dissenting your feelings or disrespecting you and there's no consequence.

00:32:50.461 --> 00:32:52.439
That was a huge trauma for me.

00:32:52.439 --> 00:32:53.321
There's no consequence.

00:32:53.321 --> 00:32:55.721
They could just keep doing this and I just have to stand here and take it.

00:32:58.435 --> 00:33:02.101
Definitely sounds like a toxic relationship, to say the least.

00:33:03.816 --> 00:33:07.204
I mean it was just.

00:33:07.204 --> 00:33:08.528
Yeah, it definitely was.

00:33:08.528 --> 00:33:12.481
It was because it was just a lot of different emotions with him and with me.

00:33:12.481 --> 00:33:14.571
I think that everyone has different emotions.

00:33:14.571 --> 00:33:26.278
I think people just don't discuss them, they just don't acknowledge their past or they're busy making a scene like, oh, my life was so great and I guess everything around the world is literally falling apart because of the play.

00:33:26.298 --> 00:33:33.105
I guess we're all saying that, no, you're like this and great, I don't know what is good down here.

00:33:33.105 --> 00:33:35.582
Who has a good relationship?

00:33:35.582 --> 00:33:36.881
What is a good relationship?

00:33:36.881 --> 00:33:44.881
I can't even tell anymore, because I feel like what's just coming out is, for instance, people are like I didn't know that was sexual assault, I didn't know that was a ball.

00:33:44.881 --> 00:33:51.926
And you got all these different people like I didn't know that was sexual assault, I didn't know that was a ball.

00:33:51.926 --> 00:33:52.738
And you got all these different people like, hey, I experienced that.

00:33:52.694 --> 00:34:04.781
But it made me dive deeper because I'm just like what is wrong in people's mind, because I'm like carl be just all of a sudden experiencing this and hey, this happened to me and that didn't like what is going on, because when that patch happened with him yes, I could have summed it up to.

00:34:04.781 --> 00:34:07.346
Oh, he was, you know, old.

00:34:07.346 --> 00:34:08.188
That's what people said.

00:34:08.188 --> 00:34:09.860
He was old, of course he did that.

00:34:09.860 --> 00:34:12.588
Oh, she was on opioids.

00:34:12.588 --> 00:34:23.021
All this and I was just like no, there has to be a deeper issue here, because I just can't understand how somebody could, how they could, all come together and formulate that type of plan.

00:34:23.021 --> 00:34:23.943
It's not normal.

00:34:23.943 --> 00:34:29.681
And and people will tell me well, now you know better, just get away from those type of people.

00:34:29.681 --> 00:34:31.710
And I'm like now I know better than nothing.

00:34:31.710 --> 00:34:35.581
I know that humans are capable of giving you that type of pain.

00:34:35.581 --> 00:34:37.465
That's what I realized.

00:34:37.465 --> 00:34:44.007
It might just be in a different way, but that's what I realized that I didn't want to feel that type of pain again.

00:34:44.835 --> 00:34:54.226
And there was something I wasn't feeling correctly, because there wasn't a lot of people saying there were so many red flags and I was just like I don't want to walk around and feel like this person's bad, that person's bad.

00:34:54.226 --> 00:35:04.103
I don't want to become them, because I don't know if that's really living, that's surviving, that's cautious, that's not life, that's not love.

00:35:04.103 --> 00:35:11.934
To feel like I gotta sit over here with these people and hope that they're not like these people Turns out they are.

00:35:11.934 --> 00:35:16.106
Now you want me to go make breakfast, like what?

00:35:16.106 --> 00:35:19.824
No, I was scared.

00:35:19.824 --> 00:35:25.539
What the hell was out there, you know, and people were saying, well, it's like hey, how are these people?

00:35:25.539 --> 00:35:26.923
I'm like I'm sick of hearing that shit.

00:35:26.923 --> 00:35:31.543
Man, from what I'm seeing in the world, every single category has good and evil.

00:35:31.543 --> 00:35:34.378
How can I tell who's good and who's evil?

00:35:34.378 --> 00:35:35.242
I don't know.

00:35:36.215 --> 00:35:43.402
And I had to still work with this guy and I certainly did not have my daughter around him because he had no criminal record.

00:35:43.402 --> 00:35:48.885
He dressed very nice, he was a veteran.

00:35:48.885 --> 00:35:51.900
There was nothing that screamed that Stein has a problem.

00:35:51.900 --> 00:35:53.302
There was.

00:35:53.302 --> 00:35:59.442
I mean, there wasn't really anything and I had to figure out how to talk to him and ask him.

00:35:59.442 --> 00:36:02.543
We still had bills and stuff together.

00:36:02.543 --> 00:36:04.742
He was trying to get me put out of the house when I was pregnant.

00:36:04.742 --> 00:36:07.106
He was trying to get me through my violence when I was pregnant.

00:36:07.106 --> 00:36:10.960
He was trying to get me through my finals as a reason to put me and my kids all and the baby.

00:36:10.960 --> 00:36:13.657
He made me see their pregnancy details.

00:36:13.657 --> 00:36:17.885
I mean, he made me take a DNA test when I was seven weeks.

00:36:17.885 --> 00:36:20.389
Then he took the meds and I had to repeat it before him.

00:36:20.389 --> 00:36:24.561
It was just like the ultimate humiliation.

00:36:24.641 --> 00:36:44.157
I felt like and I kept hearing you deserve it, because I was interested in filing this relationship and I just nobody deserves that it's just you didn't realize a way to cope with how you were feeling, so it was normal for you to raise your voice and yell and do all these things.

00:36:44.157 --> 00:36:45.378
You didn't.

00:36:45.378 --> 00:36:54.054
You didn't do it intentionally, saying I'm about to abuse you Like that's not where you were going, but because of the background.

00:36:54.054 --> 00:36:57.643
You didn't realize that it's just the cycle, that's it.

00:36:58.746 --> 00:37:08.086
I didn't, and with him I didn't realize that was his plan from the beginning, like so I feel like that's what separated us.

00:37:08.086 --> 00:37:11.664
I really didn't have pure intentions when I was with him.

00:37:11.664 --> 00:37:19.096
He had been had his heart broken back in his childhood and then I think he said he had a relationship where this woman left him because another guy had better sex.

00:37:19.096 --> 00:37:25.746
So it was like he was not in that mode of I feel I'm having pure intentions.

00:37:25.746 --> 00:37:26.648
Plus he was older.

00:37:26.648 --> 00:37:29.277
So he just felt like, okay, what's gonna make me happy?

00:37:29.277 --> 00:37:40.938
My last days, I guess, because the world's a piece of shit and I'm just going to, I don't know, create this puzzle and live in this puzzle and pretend I'm happy because true love doesn't exist.

00:37:40.938 --> 00:37:43.224
And I didn't know.

00:37:43.224 --> 00:37:49.244
He felt like that with me and people I guess said it's only one.

00:37:49.244 --> 00:37:59.862
Of course he felt like that, but I'm sorry if I'm 34, and if a 34-year-old walks up to me and says I'm going to be your husband from then, how the fuck that people are hard for me to process.

00:37:59.862 --> 00:38:02.202
I would just be like this is a kid.

00:38:02.202 --> 00:38:03.943
That's what I would.

00:38:03.943 --> 00:38:06.443
I mean, I'm sorry, that's what I would think.

00:38:06.443 --> 00:38:15.322
But you know, could it was just like I don't know, I've dated older men for so long.

00:38:15.322 --> 00:38:20.940
I was attracted to them so it's like I had to restate my whole mind and you know and who knows, that could change in the future or whatnot.

00:38:20.940 --> 00:38:30.146
But I just knew at the end date that's what I was attracted to and it wasn't because of money, it was just that's what I felt comfortable like the older person and I thought he was 40, something.

00:38:30.168 --> 00:38:35.682
I had no idea he was basically something, but overall the pain was so unbearable.

00:38:35.682 --> 00:38:40.400
Yeah, I looked up these trails from it and it was saying that it takes like four to five years to heal.

00:38:40.400 --> 00:38:41.943
And that's with perfection.

00:38:41.943 --> 00:38:53.228
And like, oh my god, it's gonna take me five years to heal with professional help.

00:38:53.228 --> 00:38:57.942
And I was already going to therapy once a week for the last five years.

00:38:57.942 --> 00:39:00.887
I'm like how am I gonna get in a relationship?

00:39:00.887 --> 00:39:04.925
I'm gonna be paranoid and then feed and told me like oh well, there's a man out there for you.

00:39:04.925 --> 00:39:08.043
I said yeah, right, but now he's gotta walk on eggshells and I'm like where'd you go?

00:39:08.043 --> 00:39:09.275
Where are you doing my kid?

00:39:09.275 --> 00:39:10.940
I was like I don't want to do that.

00:39:10.940 --> 00:39:14.166
Like how do I continue forward?

00:39:15.449 --> 00:39:31.625
And that year was the worst year, like the worst came ever felt in my life, because he always knew that when he was with me it was for specific reasons and to not share that with me, so I could have made a true decision.

00:39:31.625 --> 00:39:34.048
Thank you, my God.

00:39:34.048 --> 00:39:38.824
I guess that's what happens in relationships.

00:39:38.824 --> 00:39:42.846
I was like you don't share your true intentions, you just lie.

00:39:42.846 --> 00:39:54.025
And the fact that I saw that him as a human was capable of lying for I guess for a year and a half, I was like who can pretend for this song?

00:39:54.025 --> 00:39:57.347
Because I thought I was smart enough to pick it up and to notice.

00:39:58.170 --> 00:40:00.737
And that's what led me to study in biochemistry on 5-6.

00:40:00.737 --> 00:40:03.844
Because I was like I'm done with this.

00:40:03.844 --> 00:40:05.228
I'm not getting played anymore.

00:40:05.228 --> 00:40:07.820
I'm not going to walk around angry and upset.

00:40:07.820 --> 00:40:09.565
There's from looking around.

00:40:09.565 --> 00:40:10.536
There's no safe place.

00:40:10.536 --> 00:40:13.244
I need to understand how the human mind.

00:40:13.885 --> 00:40:14.809
And I started studying.

00:40:14.809 --> 00:40:21.992
I looked apologize, started studying psychology and then I got c-minus all the side financial aid and I was like I'll bring up about.

00:40:21.992 --> 00:40:24.501
But I was like, okay, what do I do in the meantime?

00:40:24.501 --> 00:40:27.371
And somehow I started studying biochemistry.

00:40:27.371 --> 00:40:29.780
I was following through instagram and it was this woman.

00:40:29.780 --> 00:40:31.324
I said instant gratification.

00:40:31.324 --> 00:40:32.849
I was like that's the greatest.

00:40:32.849 --> 00:40:35.338
We're all addicted to instant gratification.

00:40:35.338 --> 00:40:40.641
I need to research this and bring this to people's attention, and the more I started talking about it.

00:40:40.641 --> 00:40:44.519
I spoke to a doctor and they said, actually there's four different drugs in our brain.

00:40:44.519 --> 00:40:46.429
I'm like there's drugs, there's four.

00:40:46.429 --> 00:40:48.094
What I just started learning.

00:40:48.094 --> 00:41:05.277
I said everybody's unconsciously addicted to their dopamine because the people that are aware of it I guess they don't know how to convey the message, or maybe they just feel like, well, we'll just stay over here with people that are balanced, that balance their dopamine, and the people that's literally basically running the world are the ones that are unconscious of it.

00:41:05.277 --> 00:41:13.670
I have no idea how huge it is and your decision-making and why a childhood upbringing is so important.

00:41:13.670 --> 00:41:15.998
They tried the scientists.

00:41:15.998 --> 00:41:17.797
That's what's running the world, the scientists.

00:41:17.797 --> 00:41:19.302
They came up with gentle parenting.

00:41:19.394 --> 00:41:22.217
People started making a joke of it and everyone.

00:41:22.217 --> 00:41:24.463
It's just a damn big joke down there.

00:41:24.463 --> 00:41:25.606
It's a big joke.

00:41:25.606 --> 00:41:32.827
Everyone's laughing and joking and there's no way that I can know all this information and not try and wake up.

00:41:32.827 --> 00:41:43.400
I feel like the whole world, because wherever my children go, they should feel like that area knows how their damn brain functions, because who has time to wake up?

00:41:43.400 --> 00:41:48.063
And my child's born to a place where they don't know how their brain operates.

00:41:48.063 --> 00:41:50.483
Now they're susceptible to this or susceptible to that.

00:41:50.483 --> 00:41:56.840
So that pain that I've had on that relationship, I don't know, I think it was so big.

00:41:56.840 --> 00:42:06.965
I just felt every single pain in the world and I was like I'm late to the party Because it's been normalized since, I'm said, beginning of time.

00:42:06.965 --> 00:42:09.219
I see movies and everything.

00:42:09.219 --> 00:42:12.164
Which joke no wonder you have.

00:42:13.097 --> 00:42:14.784
I guess people that say why?

00:42:14.784 --> 00:42:22.643
Because everyone's just hurting each other, because nobody understands why that pain happened, or there's not enough people.

00:42:22.643 --> 00:42:24.101
There's so many different influences.

00:42:24.101 --> 00:42:26.673
People sum it up to oh because God.

00:42:26.673 --> 00:42:30.355
Oh, they gotta stop that they keep using.

00:42:30.355 --> 00:42:30.838
They gotta stop this.

00:42:30.838 --> 00:42:32.050
Like's so dumb they keep using.

00:42:32.050 --> 00:42:32.474
They gotta stop this.

00:42:32.474 --> 00:42:37.719
They keep using God's name to do all this pain.

00:42:37.998 --> 00:42:46.704
From what I'm saying, go to their judges, put your hand on the Bible and tell the truth so you can tell them that they're about to die.

00:42:46.704 --> 00:42:49.105
I felt that you said you can't do that.

00:42:49.105 --> 00:42:55.739
There's nothing to ground people and that's where everyone's lost.

00:42:55.739 --> 00:42:58.382
There's nothing to ground you, I guess, if they work out and do this and all that.

00:42:58.382 --> 00:43:07.717
And I'm just like man, I was working out, I was eating healthy, I did all that and people was like well, maybe you should have tried a 34-year-old, so I wasn't going to get hurt if I was with a 34-year-old.

00:43:07.737 --> 00:43:10.722
I heard if I was 34-year-old maybe you should have been with a lawyer.

00:43:10.722 --> 00:43:12.565
Oh really, I'm safe there too.

00:43:12.565 --> 00:43:14.809
Like see where I'm safe at.

00:43:14.809 --> 00:43:15.929
Like you get what I'm saying.

00:43:15.929 --> 00:43:20.661
Like where is this?

00:43:20.661 --> 00:43:29.001
You know, because the fact that I went about it I felt in a healthy way, based on my circumstances, and I still felt that pain and it was a step that I heard on the radio.

00:43:29.001 --> 00:43:32.284
They were like woman was the escort, she will never find a man of value.

00:43:32.284 --> 00:43:38.510
And I was like well, no wonder people stay in that category and never try to get better, because you guys keep telling them they never will.

00:43:38.510 --> 00:43:53.630
So that's why they stay there, that's why they keep doing it, that's why the suicide rate is up, that's mainly why that's true society plays a huge role in how people are and how people act, and people don't really understand that.

00:43:53.775 --> 00:43:57.144
But your actions and your words hurt.

00:43:57.144 --> 00:44:11.347
You hurt people and people need to take that in accountability, because you don't know what these people have been through in your life and most of everybody is controlled by their childhood, whether they want to believe it or not.

00:44:11.954 --> 00:44:13.561
Yeah, everybody is controlled by their childhood, whether they want to believe it or not.

00:44:13.561 --> 00:44:13.385
Yeah, they are.

00:44:13.385 --> 00:44:19.568
I don't know if we're just at the average fucking comprehension level of a human that's 14 years old.

00:44:19.568 --> 00:44:23.005
I said sounds about right, sounds about right.

00:44:24.436 --> 00:44:39.123
Yeah, it sucks and it's a shame, and it really sucks that nobody figured this out until I'd say, maybe the last 10 years or so, when they were like oh shit, I think there's a connection, and that's why my podcast is True Crime Connections.

00:44:39.123 --> 00:44:39.686
Do you know why?

00:44:39.686 --> 00:44:41.802
Because all this shit is connected.

00:44:41.802 --> 00:44:46.940
It's your childhood, it's what goes on in your mind, it goes on in your relationships.

00:44:46.940 --> 00:44:48.646
All of it All connected.

00:44:48.646 --> 00:44:50.161
That's why you have addiction problems.

00:44:50.161 --> 00:44:51.025
That's why you have addiction problems.

00:44:51.025 --> 00:44:51.815
That's why you have abuse problems.

00:44:51.815 --> 00:44:55.226
That's why you have self-esteem problems and worth problems.

00:44:55.775 --> 00:44:56.780
It's all connected.

00:44:56.780 --> 00:45:03.447
No, it's all connected, and I guess what will help people see how connected it is is talking about science.

00:45:03.447 --> 00:45:07.021
That's what I came up with Because I was like they tried.

00:45:07.021 --> 00:45:10.612
We all need to walk around and say they tried.

00:45:10.612 --> 00:45:18.940
We all need to walk around and say how is this working anymore?

00:45:19.641 --> 00:45:21.164
Sorry you're part of the problem too.

00:45:21.164 --> 00:45:24.668
Like God, not everyone is just super connected.

00:45:24.668 --> 00:45:29.298
You have to understand what somebody's feeling, and I feel like scientists are trying to come up with.

00:45:29.298 --> 00:45:36.349
The problem is all these damn wars as well, but it's like everyone has a different style of literally doing.

00:45:36.349 --> 00:45:38.436
I feel like the exact same thing they say.

00:45:38.436 --> 00:45:41.925
They talk about energy, for instance, your child in your house.

00:45:41.925 --> 00:45:44.739
Oh, if they hear you yelling and screaming, that's going to affect them.

00:45:44.739 --> 00:45:51.222
They can go up and be like this okay, well, you have a war going on right here and a war going on over there, so I guess we're in the energy of the house.

00:45:53.907 --> 00:45:59.038
Right, I mean you can't ever expect to not raise your voice in your life Like that's.

00:45:59.038 --> 00:46:05.804
You're asking why I don't think that's humanly possible.

00:46:06.786 --> 00:46:19.541
Yeah, I mean I yell just when I get excited and that's not a bad yell, but, jesus, they can hear me down the street.

00:46:19.541 --> 00:46:32.155
I definitely got to a space where I will say, with the yelling, even though things went about it the way it did, I hate when people say I'm glad I went through that because that pain was not.

00:46:32.155 --> 00:46:37.570
Oh my God, it was like I swear a dog came to me and said, hey, you did a lot of great things, let's do it again.

00:46:37.570 --> 00:46:41.280
I said, can I talk to you really quickly please, like it's take up, that pain was just.

00:46:41.280 --> 00:46:45.775
And when I felt that pain I want to make sure I amplify my voice in that.

00:46:45.775 --> 00:46:50.503
Well, we could stop sitting little kids down and saying, what, what's going to happen to you at some point.

00:46:50.503 --> 00:46:58.014
Right, we have to stop teaching that At some point you're going to have to let pain.

00:47:03.132 --> 00:47:11.077
Oh God, now, people, you shouldn't be afraid to put yourself out there and to find love, to make friends, like, yeah, the world's full of shitty people, but it's also full of great people.

00:47:11.077 --> 00:47:17.864
So you can't live in this bubble and try to protect yourself, because what you're doing is not living.

00:47:17.864 --> 00:47:20.186
You're here to live.

00:47:20.186 --> 00:47:25.751
So everything that you go through is going to put you on a path.

00:47:25.751 --> 00:47:30.521
Choose wisely and hope that it works out.

00:47:30.521 --> 00:47:31.148
But there's no guarantee.

00:47:31.148 --> 00:47:33.338
There is no guarantee in life, nada.

00:47:33.338 --> 00:47:38.815
You are not guaranteed to wake up tomorrow, so you got to make life the best that you can.

00:47:38.815 --> 00:47:43.827
You can't live in fear, but be open minded and try to see shit for what it is.

00:47:44.835 --> 00:47:45.757
That's where they fail.

00:47:45.757 --> 00:47:47.842
Nobody's open minded.

00:47:47.842 --> 00:47:50.608
They want everyone's telling each other how to think.

00:47:50.608 --> 00:47:55.862
And I'm just like, and nobody wants to be vulnerable, because I feel like people are not educated.

00:47:55.862 --> 00:48:01.543
If people were educated on, I feel, like epigenetics and biochemistry, it was such a normalized conversation.

00:48:01.543 --> 00:48:07.764
I think you'd have a lot of people that okay, now I know I did that because you had an unconscious response.

00:48:07.764 --> 00:48:11.692
They said the brain runs on autopilot 90% of the time.

00:48:11.692 --> 00:48:13.298
I said no wonder you're not on autopilot.

00:48:13.298 --> 00:48:14.543
Who was cautious?

00:48:14.543 --> 00:48:17.219
Like it's running on autopilot 90% of the time.

00:48:17.219 --> 00:48:17.742
That's scary.

00:48:19.219 --> 00:48:21.981
And yeah, those people are looking for their next fix.

00:48:21.981 --> 00:48:25.385
So I mean, they're just looking for how am I going to do it?

00:48:25.934 --> 00:48:28.121
They're diving in the ocean with the sharks.

00:48:28.121 --> 00:48:30.498
That's something.

00:48:30.498 --> 00:48:33.235
That's that's not like finding this really locked up for their brain chemistry.

00:48:33.235 --> 00:48:37.224
You're diving in the ocean, or maybe I'm sorry.

00:48:37.224 --> 00:48:40.317
I I try to picture myself getting joy from that and I just can't.

00:48:40.317 --> 00:48:41.518
That's scary.

00:48:42.762 --> 00:48:51.565
That's like straight up fear I'll fuck with shirts yeah, I miss what you're about to go diving at eight in the morning, like why are you doing that?

00:48:51.565 --> 00:48:53.036
That's not okay.

00:48:53.036 --> 00:48:58.085
I mean, look, I'm like so it's the thing.

00:48:58.085 --> 00:49:08.802
If, like this conversation with them that was not it make people think like deeper, like what's really going on with somebody that they want to go dive in the ocean with the sharks?

00:49:08.802 --> 00:49:10.027
What is going on with them?

00:49:10.869 --> 00:49:15.963
you know, I had that's adrenaline yeah, why is your damn adrenaline so high?

00:49:15.963 --> 00:49:41.356
Like what is going on then, like you know, like I don't know that's, and I guess they call it empowering, but I'm just like I don't know why it's so cool to put yourself in a dangerous situation and I get like mary, you made it out, but I don't know if that should be my regular routine it ain't gonna be mine I use the status as high as that because somebody that's out there doing that they got a lot of money.

00:49:41.938 --> 00:49:42.599
Okay, they do.

00:49:42.599 --> 00:49:49.885
And I'm just saying that we're so busy looking at the person addicted to opioids as they're something's wrong with them.

00:49:49.885 --> 00:49:52.983
It's like what about that person out there swimming in the ocean of the sharks?

00:49:52.983 --> 00:49:55.731
Some of all, both of them, you know.

00:49:55.731 --> 00:50:02.365
They are both putting themselves in dangers, just in different ways absolutely.

00:50:02.445 --> 00:50:02.666
I mean.

00:50:02.666 --> 00:50:05.557
Everyone's chasing was that dopamine.

00:50:05.557 --> 00:50:08.523
There's cortisol, serotonin.

00:50:08.523 --> 00:50:12.389
I know I'm missing one.

00:50:12.389 --> 00:50:18.621
All is a dangerous cocktail, very dangerous cocktail.

00:50:18.621 --> 00:50:20.442
They all give all.

00:50:22.898 --> 00:50:30.585
But you know, I spoke to a doctor and he was telling me I don't know, give me no more information, because I don't want to take on a doctor's job, I just want to do the opening.

00:50:30.585 --> 00:50:36.759
But he was telling me, depending on the stress of your environment, your brain could create more receptors or take away receptors.

00:50:36.759 --> 00:50:41.956
And I was like, well, your brain can get filled with more drugs.

00:50:42.115 --> 00:50:53.617
I was like, oh my God, this was like people get addicted to that hit and so that's why they do the things they're doing, because they're feeling the effects.

00:50:53.617 --> 00:50:57.704
Like I know, I went through so much crap in my life.

00:50:57.704 --> 00:51:05.969
My body made a lot of cortisone and that gave me an autoimmune disease because I was constantly in fight, flight freeze.

00:51:05.969 --> 00:51:12.007
So I know that's where mine came from and it's like some bitch, this will make you sick.

00:51:12.677 --> 00:51:15.601
It will make you sick, it will make you sick.

00:51:15.601 --> 00:51:24.041
And I felt like where I need to make a big enough noise about it is because when I was doing the research I was like it's going to take more than five people knowing two people knowing this information.

00:51:24.041 --> 00:51:36.210
And I feel like when I look around the world I feel like there's so many different things where they're trying to get people's attention and I feel like God, I hate to make things about rape films, the biggest damn distraction on demand.

00:51:36.210 --> 00:51:39.342
But anyways, I feel like Black people.

00:51:39.342 --> 00:51:40.706
It's a challenge there.

00:51:40.706 --> 00:51:45.744
It's a challenge there and I think because I remember how my upbringing was.

00:51:46.434 --> 00:51:48.039
Somebody tried to walk up to me and talk about.

00:51:48.039 --> 00:51:53.525
I can't even imagine I might have sat down and listened, but I'm so busy trying to survive I'm like I have to.

00:51:53.525 --> 00:51:55.199
I gotta figure this out.

00:51:55.199 --> 00:51:56.063
I gotta figure that out.

00:51:56.063 --> 00:52:04.588
And I don't know if they have a spokesman or that Kanye West failed everybody, but I don't know.

00:52:04.588 --> 00:52:06.322
That's when you don't know how your brain works.

00:52:06.322 --> 00:52:09.400
He didn't know shit about biochemistry and epigenetics.

00:52:09.400 --> 00:52:14.498
It takes more than I'm surprised.

00:52:14.498 --> 00:52:18.927
He said you said your goddamn brain is operating and he doesn't, and that's why they want to give him a fifth.

00:52:21.094 --> 00:52:22.784
I tried to make a video and tag him to just put the bug in his ear.

00:52:22.784 --> 00:52:23.929
But he's somewhere.

00:52:23.929 --> 00:52:38.347
Like he listened to me, like you know, he's busy saying his dog, but anyhow, I busy saying his dog, but anyhow, I think that I believe that that environment, or that many people don't understand how it works.

00:52:38.347 --> 00:52:41.538
I don't know, or maybe I think it's the rest of the world as well, like foreigners and stuff like that.

00:52:41.538 --> 00:52:49.144
I have no idea who has a lot of awareness about this stuff and yeah, I don't think that there's enough awareness there, just isn't.

00:52:49.144 --> 00:52:57.304
They do talk about it, but you're using words, different language, I'm going to say somebody would say different dialect that people can't comprehend.

00:52:57.304 --> 00:52:58.938
So they are talking about it.

00:52:58.938 --> 00:53:03.159
But if somebody said so, second, drug in your brain, that's going to make some people turn.

00:53:03.159 --> 00:53:08.822
Hey, it's like drug in my brain, but it's like the way you're speaking is so different.

00:53:09.262 --> 00:53:14.827
Somebody can be talking about you like, oh, the horizon, you know, sounds all fucking happy, unless you're feeling it, I don't know.

00:53:14.827 --> 00:53:19.271
But I think it just needs to be straight, like there's drugs in your brains and pulling in your behavior.

00:53:19.271 --> 00:53:23.963
That shit's not like and I don't know who's saying that.

00:53:23.963 --> 00:53:25.766
I think rappers are busy rapping.

00:53:25.766 --> 00:53:28.277
I think actors are busy acting.

00:53:28.277 --> 00:53:37.260
The celebrity world, I don't, don't know they're trying to like talk about this stuff, but I think on I'll say, for instance, oh girls, stay away from them.

00:53:37.340 --> 00:53:38.143
They a hot mess.

00:53:39.235 --> 00:53:40.701
Goddamn brain chemistry is.

00:53:40.701 --> 00:53:45.036
I'm just looking like you know.

00:53:45.036 --> 00:53:47.786
I just feel like everyone's so busy performing.

00:53:47.786 --> 00:53:51.838
A woman should perform this Right, Everyone's performing.

00:53:51.858 --> 00:53:55.166
I I mean, this is out there.

00:53:55.166 --> 00:53:56.077
It's been out there.

00:53:56.077 --> 00:53:59.291
The problem is people don't want to look at themselves.

00:53:59.291 --> 00:54:04.342
In the very beginning of this I said we're handing you a mirror to look inside.

00:54:04.342 --> 00:54:07.677
I'm gonna say 80 percent of people don't want to do that.

00:54:07.677 --> 00:54:13.009
It's scary in there and people are afraid to look inside themselves.

00:54:13.009 --> 00:54:16.585
So it's out there for anyone to find.

00:54:16.585 --> 00:54:19.722
It's just do you really want to find what you're going to find?

00:54:20.425 --> 00:54:22.461
They don't, and I don't care that they want to find it.

00:54:22.461 --> 00:54:33.987
You know there's children around this world that are falling because you don't want to miss them, so I think there needs to be a loud enough bang and somebody just doesn, tells me to back down.

00:54:33.987 --> 00:54:37.478
Right, I keep going viral on Instagram and it's not in a nice way, but I don't care.

00:54:37.478 --> 00:54:39.039
I'm like, yeah, help me.

00:54:39.039 --> 00:54:44.324
You know I'm not saying anything that's wrong, but you know what I put on there.

00:54:44.324 --> 00:54:45.539
Give me your opinion.

00:54:45.539 --> 00:54:49.795
So I said, hey, Black women, you don't know how to tame Black women.

00:54:49.795 --> 00:54:55.422
You know, of course, if you go to the other race, like it feels easier because I'm like that's different environments, you know.

00:54:55.422 --> 00:55:02.050
And I said I feel like white men know how to tame mentally and I think that maybe Black men know how to tame, like physically.

00:55:02.050 --> 00:55:13.086
And I think if you guys can sit down and have a fucking conversation with one another, you guys can help each other out Instead of arguing about whose penis is bigger.

00:55:13.086 --> 00:55:16.686
I can't believe it's a butt-move conversation, because you can have the energy to be attracted to somebody.

00:55:16.686 --> 00:55:17.739
I don't feel like it's.

00:55:17.739 --> 00:55:19.902
They're arguing about the stupider shit.

00:55:19.902 --> 00:55:22.362
So I thought that that was fair to say.

00:55:22.362 --> 00:55:32.724
I think that if Black and white men had a conversation, because the inside will naturally form, because Black and white makes all different shades.

00:55:32.724 --> 00:55:38.527
So I feel like if black men and white men could have a conversation, it would help a lot.

00:55:38.894 --> 00:55:41.148
But they're so busy about no, I'm the powerful one.

00:55:41.148 --> 00:55:42.260
No, I'm the powerful one.

00:55:42.260 --> 00:55:45.922
What if both of you are trash?

00:55:45.922 --> 00:55:47.045
That's how I feel.

00:55:47.045 --> 00:55:54.242
And you're not God, Like everyone's just trying to act like they're God and it's like why don't you get to know one another?

00:55:54.242 --> 00:55:57.297
But anyways, people were actually on Instagram like can't believe.

00:55:57.297 --> 00:55:58.400
You used the word tame.

00:55:58.400 --> 00:56:01.978
I said who the hell isn't acting like they am?

00:56:01.978 --> 00:56:04.815
I really can't fend.

00:56:04.815 --> 00:56:17.596
Who is not hurting one another Mentally, emotionally, physically?

00:56:17.596 --> 00:56:18.958
Who is not hurting one another mentally, emotionally, physically?

00:56:18.978 --> 00:56:19.739
who's who's hurting one another?

00:56:19.739 --> 00:56:20.141
Who's that pain?

00:56:20.141 --> 00:56:21.222
That thing is it's.

00:56:21.222 --> 00:56:24.047
It goes both ways and it really it sucks.

00:56:24.047 --> 00:56:25.128
It really sucks.

00:56:25.128 --> 00:56:31.065
There's no reason why we should hate another person because they look different than we do.

00:56:31.065 --> 00:56:33.248
Do you want everybody looking like you?

00:56:33.248 --> 00:56:37.925
No, having differences makes it interesting.

00:56:37.925 --> 00:56:41.324
First thing I said to you you look gorgeous.

00:56:41.324 --> 00:56:43.623
Like what can you?

00:56:43.643 --> 00:56:43.842
do.

00:56:43.842 --> 00:56:49.224
It makes it exotic, and I think I made a post where I said it makes people their jealousy.

00:56:49.224 --> 00:56:50.501
I said that shit is exotic.

00:56:50.501 --> 00:56:51.639
You can walk in a room and acknowledge your white side.

00:56:51.639 --> 00:56:52.539
You can walk in a room and acknowledge your white side.

00:56:52.539 --> 00:56:54.003
You can walk in a room and acknowledge your black side.

00:56:54.003 --> 00:56:54.965
Why is that?

00:56:54.965 --> 00:56:56.641
Why are we tearing them down for that?

00:56:56.641 --> 00:57:02.788
And so I said tame because I was just like when I said tame, I really wasn't thinking like, I didn't think nothing.

00:57:02.788 --> 00:57:03.027
Back.

00:57:03.027 --> 00:57:08.135
When I seen the response I was getting, I'm like we're not animals.

00:57:08.135 --> 00:57:09.143
We're not animals.

00:57:09.143 --> 00:57:10.394
I know you're fucking lying.

00:57:10.394 --> 00:57:14.009
Who isn't an animal like?

00:57:14.009 --> 00:57:15.135
I really can't tell you.

00:57:15.135 --> 00:57:16.561
Pay one another to hurt each other?

00:57:16.561 --> 00:57:18.822
That's literally what.

00:57:18.842 --> 00:57:23.514
I'm saying you pay one another to hurt each other and then you use religion to hurt one another.

00:57:23.514 --> 00:57:38.903
That's not animalistic, because what you have to see it physically, I thought paying meant more than just it and the fact that people just saw it I was like I'll go get a shit, just help the video go viral.

00:57:38.943 --> 00:58:00.543
I'll explain it once it gets enough trim passion like I was like oh my god, you can't say nothing yeah, I think when tame kind of means like get your shit in check, like hold back, everyone's gonna have their own version of what shit means.

00:58:00.844 --> 00:58:04.496
So I mean it got their attention.

00:58:04.496 --> 00:58:11.666
So I'm like good, before I was thinking like I'm like, hey, it's not what you I try to do.

00:58:11.666 --> 00:58:13.449
Sit in the house, I paid you this, I did.

00:58:13.449 --> 00:58:19.936
I mean, that's taming like, but I was just like we'll talk about it, I guess, when I a long time now with you.

00:58:19.936 --> 00:58:22.802
So when people look back I'll be like I didn't interview.

00:58:22.802 --> 00:58:26.155
Oh, it's true, and we went at the whole thing.

00:58:26.155 --> 00:58:27.739
Well, we had shit episode.

00:58:27.739 --> 00:58:28.420
I had to.

00:58:28.820 --> 00:58:43.987
Yes, the world we live in is a difficult one, because there are so many different people out there with so many different backgrounds, so many different traumas, so many different ways of thinking and ways of life.

00:58:44.755 --> 00:58:47.846
There's no way we can ever all be on the same playing field.

00:58:47.846 --> 00:58:49.161
I really wish we could.

00:58:49.161 --> 00:59:03.422
It would make life a lot fucking easier, but I just don't see how it is, because when parents are parenting their children, they are instilling these values, or lack of values.

00:59:03.422 --> 00:59:23.244
So I honestly believe we need to get to children when they're still children in school, teach them how to talk about things, teach them about emotions, because kids hold so much inside and then it's only a matter of time before they're shooting up a school because they're bullied or they're this or they're that.

00:59:23.244 --> 00:59:26.599
These kids need to learn how to deal with their feelings and to be able to talk about what's going on.

00:59:26.599 --> 00:59:30.210
If something's going on at home, you need to know that you can tell somebody and someone is able to talk about what's going on.

00:59:30.210 --> 00:59:35.865
If something's going on at home, you need to know that you can tell somebody and someone is going to help you.

00:59:35.865 --> 00:59:39.724
Unfortunately, we don't have that in place.

00:59:40.465 --> 00:59:41.831
I will say for high school.

00:59:41.831 --> 00:59:44.199
These adults don't want to acknowledge their own emotions.

00:59:44.199 --> 00:59:46.956
How the hell are you going to raise this child to acknowledge theirs?

00:59:46.956 --> 01:00:00.083
Like, for instance, I had made a post where I men are telling their children you need to get A's and B's, no matter what you know, through the bully, through this, but you can't even put your emotions to the side and have a conversation with your child's mother.

01:00:00.083 --> 01:00:02.853
You're in this.

01:00:02.853 --> 01:00:03.835
Are you kidding me?

01:00:03.835 --> 01:00:09.041
You can't even put your emotions on the side to get an a what happened in conversation with your child's mother?

01:00:09.041 --> 01:00:14.597
But you expect this child to go learn from a teacher that probably doesn't respect them or care about how they feel.

01:00:14.597 --> 01:00:16.871
We don't even do that as adults.

01:00:16.871 --> 01:00:18.135
We're like I'm about to get out of here.

01:00:18.135 --> 01:00:19.519
I don't have to stay here and listen to you.

01:00:19.519 --> 01:00:25.719
So it's like there's just not enough reflection and I can understand you saying like I don't think it's going to change.

01:00:26.181 --> 01:00:27.824
Yeah, does this make God a sense of me?

01:00:27.824 --> 01:00:29.914
Did any of the time because I was trying to study?

01:00:29.914 --> 01:00:30.878
Like when was it happening?

01:00:30.878 --> 01:00:32.735
You know, like I'm not even going to play that damn game.

01:00:32.735 --> 01:00:34.048
There was never a time when it was me.

01:00:34.048 --> 01:00:40.335
There was a time when it was quiet and nobody was talking about it.

01:00:40.335 --> 01:01:01.358
That's so funny and I'm about to make a big bang about it because, as you said, there's plenty of people around me that are good, that can say you know, like it's what I'm hoping, and I feel like I have to do it because after I felt that pain, oh my god, it's like I'm getting hit in the trunk.

01:01:01.358 --> 01:01:12.137
Even just like that pain and that confusion was just like it blew my mind Everything that I thought was, but you were blindsided.

01:01:12.349 --> 01:01:16.481
Not only did he leave, but then he left with your brother's girlfriend.

01:01:16.481 --> 01:01:18.918
So, like whoa, how's that?

01:01:19.570 --> 01:01:29.443
And like when I was praying for a believer, I was like but I think what really hurt me is people were like you should have known that they were capable of that.

01:01:29.443 --> 01:01:37.501
That's what really broke me that people were telling me People are capable of a lot.

01:01:37.650 --> 01:01:39.036
People are capable of love.

01:01:39.036 --> 01:01:45.043
People are capable of, I mean, everything, every freaking emotion that's out there.

01:01:45.043 --> 01:01:47.097
Of course people are capable of it.

01:01:47.097 --> 01:01:51.277
You just don't want to think that they'll act on some of that stuff.

01:01:51.739 --> 01:02:04.998
So I mean, we're human beings, our minds, sometimes they work on their own, which is scary and then, like I said, we were like you were a best for it and it was just like you know.

01:02:04.998 --> 01:02:11.210
So I just felt like so I gotta tell myself I'm always gonna have disrespect my whole life, or I gotta disrespect myself out, and you know what?

01:02:11.210 --> 01:02:17.115
That's where I feel like my strength comes in for my childhood, because I'll try to wake into a f you, what do you think you're talking to?

01:02:17.115 --> 01:02:21.271
And it's like no, I'm not gonna tell myself, I'm confined to this.

01:02:21.271 --> 01:02:24.675
Or, for instance, I think a man has an experience with another man.

01:02:24.675 --> 01:02:25.896
Stay there, you're gay.

01:02:25.896 --> 01:02:27.820
You got conflicted and hit by identity.

01:02:27.820 --> 01:02:29.001
What happened to this child?

01:02:29.001 --> 01:02:31.284
But it doesn't matter, stay there.

01:02:31.284 --> 01:02:36.259
Now you have to name a whole community because you guys follow people where they have to stay.

01:02:36.259 --> 01:02:38.556
Why can't they just have an experience?

01:02:38.556 --> 01:02:40.753
Never?

01:02:40.833 --> 01:02:42.338
let somebody label you.

01:02:42.338 --> 01:02:47.657
You are the only one who can say who you are and stay true to yourself.

01:02:47.657 --> 01:02:54.574
Don't let nobody put no label on you, because real world, there are no labels.

01:02:54.574 --> 01:02:55.358
People are people.

01:02:55.358 --> 01:02:57.336
You're going to do what you got to do to survive.

01:02:57.336 --> 01:03:01.992
People do it every day, so don't let people put a label on you.

01:03:01.992 --> 01:03:02.978
That's bullshit.

01:03:03.590 --> 01:03:05.797
This shit is bullshit and you need to stay here.

01:03:05.797 --> 01:03:12.378
Look, I did that to myself for a long time.

01:03:12.378 --> 01:03:13.702
I knew myself for a long time.

01:03:13.702 --> 01:03:16.762
Like my kids, I want to respect when I get older, I just want to accept it.

01:03:16.762 --> 01:03:23.222
I'm going to accept I'm going to be a lonely woman like I used to really talk to myself like that and what an unhealthy way of thinking.

01:03:23.382 --> 01:03:28.141
You know, and it was definitely thanks to my therapist I I was like she always hyped me up.

01:03:28.141 --> 01:03:38.976
She told me you know, she's a white woman and I encourage people to see the opposite race, because I was saying my race and I felt like I was still confined, but with her she brought it.

01:03:38.976 --> 01:03:42.079
I think I brought a lot of realization in her world as well.

01:03:42.079 --> 01:03:46.039
She was like you do like it and that, and I'm like yeah, don't you hear stuff like this?

01:03:46.039 --> 01:03:51.380
And she's like no, she was like so I think we were both mind blown.

01:03:51.380 --> 01:03:53.791
I didn't believe she had never heard and she couldn't believe that.

01:03:53.791 --> 01:04:03.753
And she was here and I feel like I said, yeah, that was totally normal, she was just like.

01:04:03.753 --> 01:04:07.382
I never asked her like hey, I know this session is for me, but are you okay?

01:04:07.382 --> 01:04:10.476
Because she was really mind blown by it.

01:04:10.476 --> 01:04:18.590
I mean, I don't know, she might say no, I wasn't, but I remember her rubbing her head and she was like, oh my God, like she was just she was mind blown.

01:04:18.610 --> 01:04:25.755
I'm just really glad that you did go to therapy because you wanted to better yourself and to clear your head, and that is so important.

01:04:25.755 --> 01:04:30.139
And if you do see a therapist and it doesn't work for you, find another one.

01:04:30.139 --> 01:04:31.641
There's so many out there.

01:04:32.061 --> 01:04:35.023
Well, don't give up, because I did.

01:04:35.023 --> 01:04:41.007
When I got to the second one, I remember she was always talking to me and reminding me of my aunt and I was like, why am I seeing this lady?

01:04:41.007 --> 01:04:44.835
And I didn't go for two years.

01:04:44.835 --> 01:04:49.898
But I got back into it and I said, let me just make sure I'm not crazy and I'm very, very, very thankful for her.

01:04:49.898 --> 01:04:53.409
I was going to say something about her but I got all kind of in my emotions.

01:04:53.409 --> 01:05:01.505
But I was very thankful for that woman and just like helping me understand why I was feeling what I was feeling.

01:05:02.449 --> 01:05:06.965
You know, just on the fact that, just if you're insightful, don don't be slide both.

01:05:06.965 --> 01:05:13.230
I mean, I've been seeing her for six years and I go every single week and I'm always like, hey, do you think I was trauma dumping?

01:05:13.230 --> 01:05:16.760
Or just like because I think I've made a video, they're like she's trauma dumping.

01:05:16.760 --> 01:05:17.711
I was like, come on.

01:05:17.711 --> 01:05:20.364
And she was like don't listen to them, you're not trauma ducks, you know.

01:05:20.364 --> 01:05:28.050
I was like I'm gonna check in with you because I want to make sure I'm staying in a healthy place and not this mad woman screaming since she got her heart broken.

01:05:28.690 --> 01:05:43.186
I really just want to help people by sharing everything I went through and, most importantly, amplifying the fact that it's drugs in your brain that's influencing your behavior, because the gene expression has been imbalanced since the beginning of time.

01:05:43.186 --> 01:05:46.335
I don't know why they call it that, they just call it the gene output.

01:05:46.335 --> 01:05:59.715
But yeah, everyone's conflicted in their identity and there is no particular category that I am seeing that is not conflicted in their identity or they wouldn't feel like they have to be in this category that says, right there, you're conflicted.

01:05:59.715 --> 01:06:03.679
You feel like you have to identify by this label to say you're somebody.

01:06:04.902 --> 01:06:05.543
Right, right.

01:06:13.579 --> 01:06:14.103
So you wrote the book?

01:06:14.103 --> 01:06:14.646
Am I thinking correctly?

01:06:14.646 --> 01:06:14.989
Yes, you see why?

01:06:14.989 --> 01:06:21.539
Yeah, is that out?

01:06:21.539 --> 01:06:26.766
Yes, it is out, it's on amazon we released it march 18th.

01:06:27.666 --> 01:07:20.442
So, yeah, it dives into what I was thinking on a biochemistry level, psychological level and then spirit, how I always was in tune with, I'll say, spirituality and, yeah, those important details and everything I just assessed with the whole point is that sometimes people do need to look at somebody's life in order to have a reflection of themselves, and I'm very honest and everything I went through down to me being confused about which dad this was and you know, just just overall, I feel like a lot of topics talked about more on a deep level rather than just watch it on cb for entertainment right, well, good, I mean hopefully that can give somebody a mirror or reflection to look into themselves, to see what it is that they've been through yeah and acknowledge it, I'll say, because they keep telling this move on.

01:07:20.461 --> 01:07:24.277
that's life and it's like I don't think anybody's moving on, we're just all numbers.

01:07:24.277 --> 01:07:26.422
We're just numbers.

01:07:28.690 --> 01:07:29.916
That's the truth, though, too.

01:07:29.916 --> 01:07:31.574
That 110%.

01:07:31.574 --> 01:07:33.360
That's what America does.

01:07:33.360 --> 01:07:37.498
We band-aid, and then we blow up later and don't know why.

01:07:38.280 --> 01:07:42.621
I know Well, we hold up a damn sign like live your life, don't stay in that.

01:07:42.621 --> 01:07:45.780
Like no, there has to be more to life from that.

01:07:45.780 --> 01:07:51.619
Yeah, the whole point of this, every time I open my mouth, is just to help unite everybody.

01:07:51.619 --> 01:07:58.601
There's so many barriers and we're literally all going through the same day and I think everyone's tired of numbing.

01:07:58.601 --> 01:08:01.753
They just don't know how to have a fucking no.

01:08:01.753 --> 01:08:04.376
If people are having conversations, then they're not talking Hindi.

01:08:04.376 --> 01:08:05.376
Well, no.

01:08:08.159 --> 01:08:09.961
Right, absolutely.

01:08:09.961 --> 01:08:11.903
I had a guy on my show.

01:08:11.903 --> 01:08:14.347
He said something that really made me think.

01:08:14.347 --> 01:08:22.386
He said people hear it but they don't listen.

01:08:22.386 --> 01:08:31.381
And I was like, ooh, like, yeah, like people they hear you, they're not listening.

01:08:32.663 --> 01:08:36.855
I was like sorry, I just want to use context to that.

01:08:36.855 --> 01:08:41.493
So so you know, they always say in one ear, out the other, over your head.

01:08:41.493 --> 01:08:45.141
And so people should know how strong the brain is.

01:08:45.141 --> 01:08:55.658
And the thing is, if you don't find any healthy ways of releasing the drug from your brain, your brain is blocking out every single thing that it basically hears unless it's going to help release the drug in the brain.

01:08:55.658 --> 01:09:01.380
So if you have a healthy way of releasing the drug in your brain, then you can think more clearly here.

01:09:01.380 --> 01:09:03.252
That's why they say to exercise, be healthy.

01:09:03.252 --> 01:09:05.297
They're telling you all that to help you with your brain.

01:09:05.297 --> 01:09:06.662
People just don't understand why.

01:09:06.662 --> 01:09:15.599
Because, yes, if you are not releasing that drug in a healthy way, your brain will override your frontal lobe because it doesn't give a shit unless it's something you caught.

01:09:17.810 --> 01:09:22.716
Right, right, I'll just talk about just being present.

01:09:22.716 --> 01:09:37.885
We were talking about school shootings and this guy said he had like a gun in the car and there was a bunch of people who were there that were hearing it, but only one person really listened to what he said and then went and reported it.

01:09:37.885 --> 01:09:40.315
Everyone else was just like well.

01:09:41.899 --> 01:09:44.778
So Anyway, mary and y'all, take care of these kids.

01:09:44.778 --> 01:09:49.795
Like I hope you don't know, like I don't put them gas, everyone's fucking on a plane.

01:09:49.795 --> 01:09:53.802
Like oh, I want it, you know just completely.

01:09:53.802 --> 01:09:56.373
I don't even know if it's subconscious, I don't know.

01:09:56.373 --> 01:10:00.733
Based on my life I think I don't know if it was subconscious or completely unconscious.

01:10:00.733 --> 01:10:05.033
I think it was more towards the unconscious side because I'm like what the hell?

01:10:07.250 --> 01:10:09.731
If somebody wanted to find you on social media, what's the best platform?

01:10:10.654 --> 01:10:11.537
The best platform.

01:10:11.537 --> 01:10:14.161
I'm going to say Instagram.

01:10:14.161 --> 01:10:16.092
Instagram is the best platform.

01:10:16.092 --> 01:10:17.551
It's not first or last name.

01:10:17.551 --> 01:10:21.731
I don't know if you'll put my name in there, but it's just spelling Okay.

01:10:21.731 --> 01:10:28.440
So, yeah, I'll put all the links in the show notes.

01:10:31.091 --> 01:10:31.813
I didn't do that.

01:10:31.813 --> 01:10:32.876
What happened?

01:10:32.876 --> 01:10:37.859
But okay, yeah, I feel like Instagram is a good place, definitely.

01:10:37.859 --> 01:10:40.679
I feel like the information is very thought-provoking.

01:10:40.679 --> 01:10:49.442
I don't think you're going to like it, which is good, because that means we're sending a shockwave, or you're already going to be conscious of it and say, oh, I know exactly what's happening.

01:10:49.442 --> 01:10:52.613
But yeah, yeah, and my book is.

01:10:52.613 --> 01:10:53.898
Am I Thinking Correctly?

01:10:53.898 --> 01:10:57.698
If you understand finance, you actually will get it for free.

01:10:57.698 --> 01:10:59.302
If you download it on Kindle, it's free.

01:11:01.731 --> 01:11:03.097
Oh, everybody loves freebie.

01:11:03.750 --> 01:11:04.515
Yeah, I want to make sure they read it.

01:11:04.515 --> 01:11:04.978
Oh, the loves freebie.

01:11:04.978 --> 01:11:06.104
Yeah, I want to make sure they read it.

01:11:06.104 --> 01:11:06.770
Oh, the money will come.

01:11:06.770 --> 01:11:08.335
Y'all need to raise this book.

01:11:09.573 --> 01:11:13.136
I love that Love that Was there anything else you wanted to add?

01:11:14.390 --> 01:11:17.476
We should go around and chant all soldiers they are to be in the name of God.

01:11:17.476 --> 01:11:21.496
Everyone's saying stop, don't do that.

01:11:21.496 --> 01:11:23.180
No one is listening.

01:11:23.180 --> 01:11:27.997
The soldiers hold the power and everyone's talking about slavery.

01:11:27.997 --> 01:11:29.976
I can't imagine what they have to go.

01:11:29.976 --> 01:11:32.939
Do we see the effects of having a war?

01:11:32.939 --> 01:11:37.078
And I think that people should say the soldiers deactivate when they don't.

01:11:37.078 --> 01:11:37.819
That's simple.

01:11:37.819 --> 01:11:39.302
I don't believe in protests.

01:11:39.302 --> 01:11:41.457
I don't know if people say well, we're all here because you seen us.

01:11:41.457 --> 01:11:43.738
There is technology.

01:11:43.738 --> 01:11:54.440
Don't be fogging up streets saying I did you hop while you're following a computer, fogging up traffic and much much.

01:11:54.440 --> 01:11:54.784
You know.

01:11:54.784 --> 01:11:59.912
Just you can also deactivate map guide, close your phone, go back to work.

01:11:59.912 --> 01:12:02.413
Everybody ain't got to hear you screaming or yelling.

01:12:02.413 --> 01:12:02.755
It's too hot.

01:12:02.755 --> 01:12:03.076
It's the summer.

01:12:03.076 --> 01:12:03.436
There you go.

01:12:03.436 --> 01:12:06.889
That's pretty hot, it's the summer.

01:12:06.908 --> 01:12:07.149
There you go.

01:12:07.149 --> 01:12:11.097
That's pretty hilarious, it's hot.

01:12:11.097 --> 01:12:15.256
Yeah, it is too hot girl.

01:12:15.256 --> 01:12:17.658
Well, I want to thank you for being here.

01:12:17.658 --> 01:12:22.675
I think somebody is going to get something out of this.

01:12:22.675 --> 01:12:26.976
You know, open your eyes and work on yourself.

01:12:26.976 --> 01:12:30.136
It's never too late to rebuild yourself.

01:12:31.409 --> 01:12:35.278
Exactly because you don't want your kids saying my mom does this.

01:12:35.278 --> 01:12:37.095
It's better to hear my mom used to do this.

01:12:37.095 --> 01:12:40.114
We don't want to hear used to, but at least we know it's past tense.

01:12:40.114 --> 01:12:44.537
It's not who you are today, you know, so keep that in mind.

01:12:48.680 --> 01:12:50.570
They might say you used to do it, but the word is used to Amen.

01:12:50.570 --> 01:12:57.657
Yes, if this story moved, you share it with someone who needs to hear it.

01:12:57.657 --> 01:13:00.480
Don't forget to follow, rate and review.

01:13:00.480 --> 01:13:03.725
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01:13:03.725 --> 01:13:24.520
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01:13:24.520 --> 01:13:26.440
Visit truecrimeconnectionscom.

01:13:26.440 --> 01:13:34.244
Until next time, be safe, be seen and never forget.

01:13:34.244 --> 01:13:39.929
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