[00:00:00] Tiffanie: imagine being just three years old and trying to save your mother from a burning house and then losing her, then being given up for adoption, enduring years of abuse. Most people would be crushed by that. But today's guests turn those scars into a story of faith, forgiveness, and freedom. And she's here to show you how you can do it too.

[00:00:27] 

[00:00:37] Tiffanie: What of the darkest chapters of your life could be someone else's survival guide? Tiffanie Survivor Storyteller and the host of True Crime Connections, where we turn pain into power and stories into Sparks of Hope. week I sit down with someone who's lived through the unimaginable and found the strength to speak out. Today's conversation is about healing through faith, childhood trauma and finding purpose in pain. At just three years old, she tried to save her mother from a house fire only to lose her place for adoption. She faced years of abuse in a home where love was conditional if it existed at all. That Avonley doesn't end in pain. It rises in faith. She is the author of Strength of [00:01:30] Scars and the Voice for the Broken Hearted, the Silent Survivors, and anyone desperate to find purpose in their pain. Today she's sharing how God carried her through the darkest valleys and how you can find the strength and hope healing matter what you have been through. Aly, I wanna thank you so much for being here and sharing your story.

[00:01:57] Avonley: Thank you so much , it's, it's an honor to be here and, , I appreciate the time. That you, you have taken to allow me to be on your show.

[00:02:06] Tiffanie: Of course this is important. Losing your parent at three is not easy by any means, so I can only imagine. The journey that would actually lead you down to. So I'm just happy that you have the ability and the want to help others who might be going through similar situations.

[00:02:31] Avonley: Yeah, thank you. Yeah, so my story kind of started off at a very young age. At, at the age of three, I lost my mom in a house fire. And well, how that happened was my mom was cooking and in India. We wear sorrys and it's just a type of clothing. And her, sorry at this time, caught on fire while she was cooking food for the family.

[00:02:59] And I [00:03:00] just happened to be there while my other siblings were out in school. And her, sorry, caught on fire and it just went up in flames. And I, I heard her screaming and I went and tried to nudge my dad, try to wake him up. He just wouldn't respond. He was just, he was drunk, he was passed out, he was unresponsive.

[00:03:27] So I, I just. I don't know. I just didn't know what else to do. I just couldn't. As a 3-year-old, when you hear, you don't always often hear your parents screaming, you know, it's usually kids, right? But in this case, yeah, it was my mom and it was a different kind of scream. And so I did what I thought was best and I went to hug her as tight as I could, and she was just trying to push me.

[00:03:56] Away just pushing me away because she didn't want me to get hurt, but I wasn't, I just figured like, just hugging her would, would kind of help her relieve the pain because you know, when, as. Parents, when a kid gets hurt, we hug them when they're hurt and just comfort them. And that's kind of like what I did.

[00:04:16] And that's all I knew was okay. The pain will go away, but it didn't as I hugged her tight, like the fire started consuming on me and, you think that I would let go and just react to the pain, but I [00:04:30] didn't. I wasn't gonna let go. And so I just hugged her tighter. And you know, I just remember her just pushing me as hard as she could and she couldn't.

[00:04:39] I had some sort of grip. I wasn't gonna let her go. I. The fire just kind of consumed, consumed me, went up my back, my legs and my arms, and luckily it didn't get my face or like the front of my chest area or my stomach. I didn't get that. But so as soon as I started screaming, that was what really woke up.

[00:05:00] My dad, he responded to that. And we, I was later taken into. The hospital in, in an ambulance to the hospital. And yeah, so at the age of three, it was when the traumatic change in my life happened. And since then, it's just kind of been a spiral effect. Always ups and downs. And then like just going to the hospital, was it its own story in itself?

[00:05:30] So I. In India at the time I lived in a poor area in a, one of the biggest cities in the world called Bangalore, and I was. I like back then, like we lived in like a poor area, so at the time we didn't have like technology that was advanced, so I didn't have any sort of like pain medication to help numb the pain of the accident I just was involved [00:06:00] in.

[00:06:00] And so what they had to do is they put me in this gigantic bathtub and they had to like scrub my back. They scrubbed my back and. That was so painful, like not having any sort of like numbing pain to help relieve any sort of pain. They just had to scrub all the debris of what the fire had accumulated and burnt onto my skin.

[00:06:24] Just had to scrub that off and yeah, that was like, that was worse than being caught on fire itself. And so after that I was then put into the. On a cot where I had to like air dry on my chest because I told you like I wasn't burned on my chest area, but so then I had to air dry allowing the back to just kind of heal on its own.

[00:06:53] And so I'm not sure how long I was there for, but my. When I was sitting there, like I guess laying there, my mom came in and she was completely unrecognizable. She went from like looking like this pretty beautiful mother that I recognized to this. Almost like a monster. Like I didn't even recognize her, but just having that sense of like knowing, hey, that is my mom, regardless of like what she looks like.

[00:07:22] That's, that's her. I recognized her, her spirit she wasn't able to talk. She was just burnt all over and she was in an [00:07:30] excruciating pain. And it was just really sad to see, but she didn't survive. That long. It was three days after the incident. She ended up passing away and that's when like a lot of things changed for me because it was my mom that brought in love in our home.

[00:07:51] She was the one that nurtured us, cared for us. So that's where I, I knew what, like a loving instinct was just like that loving, loving bond. And so as soon as she ended up dying my dad stopped showing up at the hospital. And I think that has, I think it has a lot to do with him just being drunk and passed out and him seeing me, seeing that.

[00:08:19] He was a cause of the damage that he created that, oh, I lost my wife, I'll, here's my daughter who's completely hurt because I took on a substance that intoxicated myself and I wasn't fully aware of. Of my surroundings or just my senses. And I wasn't there to help. And so I think there was just a lot of like guilt behind him feeling the way he did.

[00:08:48] But that's no excuse for him to behave that way. So especially as a 3-year-old if anything, usually kids are very forgiving. They, they're usually like, let go. [00:09:00] Things just happen. You just kind of get up and you just kind of roll with it. But because my dad didn't show up and my mind just started, I'm thinking like, what's going on?

[00:09:13] Like, where's my family? Like where's, where's my need? My I've not been nurtured. And so I was just kind of crying all alone by myself in this hospital. 'Cause my, my family had nine kids, so I had nine siblings. So my oldest brother, he was, I think he was like 17. He was 17 and I was pretty much the second youngest.

[00:09:39] So, none of them, none of my siblings showed up, none of my, my grandparents didn't show up. My dad stopped showing up and it was just me alone, completely alone, just trying to recover by myself, trying to make sense of like, what just happened, trying to process everything that's just happened. I just couldn't imagine like.

[00:09:59] A 3-year-old that never knew what Rich, what, what rich was like, what poor was like, or like trauma in itself. I didn't ever experience that. At least I didn't remember, like this was a traumatic event that is just kind of stuck with me. And, and so I just, I, this, I, I guess I was just facing everything on at a new level, at such a very young age.

[00:10:26] And so. So my [00:10:30] dad once I was healed, my dad picked me up and I ended up paying respect to my mom because I wasn't there when my mom passed away. Like, I was there when my mom passed away, but like to bury for her burial and her funeral, I wasn't there. So it was kind of him to let me go back and just show some respect to my mom.

[00:10:52] And that was really comforting. But I didn't know what was gonna happen next. I didn't realize the reason why he did that was to create, allow, allow something much more tra tragic. I apologize to happen once more. So as soon as I paid respect to my mom, he ends up taking me to the orphanage. So I didn't even have a time to just.

[00:11:20] Recover and just be excited to see my family and just even bond again with my family, you know, with them. See my birds, you know, like sometimes it takes time for like one to like recover from like an instant and just reconnect rebo. So I didn't have that. And it was just like you went from the hospital to paying respect to, hey, you're going somewhere else.

[00:11:47] Yeah, all because my, I've, I feel like my dad was guilty, still guilty and it was drowning him and he didn't want to see, see my face or [00:12:00] anything. And so he put me up for adoption. And it also could just be that he just lost somebody that is supposed to caretake his family. We were in a poor area, so we were poor and he probably didn't, didn't have the means to.

[00:12:15] Raise us. And so he probably felt like putting us in an orphanage, trying to get as a family that could be po hopefully be good to us. Who knows, who knows what his, what his thought process was. I wasn't there, but this is just me just putting things together. So, yeah. So then I just. And he takes me to the orphanage.

[00:12:42] And again, I just felt isolated, betrayed feeling abandoned, like just a lot of stuff. It's like as a three, 3-year-old, you just go through all this stuff all at once and it's like you don't have time to recover. And you don't have anybody to just like cry to because there's nobody to cry to. You know, you got the hospital that's doing their job, they can only do so much, right?

[00:13:11] So you're just crying in silence. So here I am at the orphanage, same thing. They have all these kids that have to take care of, and I'm sure they, they had their own stories of why they were there and sadness in, in their life. So. Yeah, it was just hard, [00:13:30] just like trying to process like, there's nobody there anymore.

[00:13:35] I'm here all alone, and so that was just,

[00:13:38] Tiffanie: And at three years old, you obviously can't take care of yourself and you're looking for familiar familiarity. Yeah.

[00:13:48] Avonley: mm-hmm.

[00:13:49] Tiffanie: so were the only one he put up for adoption since you, you said there was a another young child as well too.

[00:13:57] Avonley: Yeah. So yeah, so I was in the orphanage for two weeks by myself and then later I ended up seeing my Dan. Again, and my two, no three sisters. So I have two biological sisters that were adopted into the same family as I was. And then I have another sister where she was adopted somewhere else. But yeah, so they came into the orphanage with me after like two weeks.

[00:14:25] And it was, oh my gosh. I think that relief of just. Knowing some, something familiar. Like, like it was just really nice to, it's almost like you see your best friend in a strange place and you're like, oh my gosh, we can do this together. I recognize you. You know me. You know you can handle it a little better.

[00:14:46] You can cope with it. And so that's where I was. It's like I was just really happy to see my, siblings, like anything that was familiar to me, like I was just really happy. I just felt like I wasn't alone at that point. And then [00:15:00] during that time in the orphanage with my sisters, we ended up running away.

[00:15:05] We planned, planned things out where we got our, all of our sisters together and my baby sister, and we ran away. We ran back to the, to my house. It's crazy. I don't know like how this worked, but this happened twice. Where my dad came and took us back to the orphanage and we ran, I guess it was like my sister, she was just like, I was just tagging along because I don't know the area, but she, you know, she's old enough.

[00:15:37] She was around like eight years old. She knew the kiss the area well enough because she was able to make a home twice. And then like the third time he decided to put us into an orphanage far away. And when we tried to run away, like we were like there, we don't recognize anything like this is, everything looks different, like we have no hope, but we ended up getting caught by a police officer that took us back.

[00:16:10] So that was our journey of what happened with my time. Of recovery and moving to the orphanage and then and then in the orphanage, my the workers there, they just kind of groomed you. So then you would be ready [00:16:30] for a family In America. They would just say, all hype up, all these good things about, Hey, you're gonna be loved, you're gonna be.

[00:16:38] Treated really well. These families, they don't have, a lot of them don't, can't have kids and they're so excited to have you guys. So I think at that point I just knew that like my mom was gone. She was gone. She's out of the picture, right? My dad, he's just, he, I just knew that he didn't want me like I was abandoned.

[00:16:59] He obviously like rejected me a few times. So at that point I realized, okay, yeah, you know what I. I won't ever see my family in India again. So I will go forward and just listen to these leaders and just trust that like I will be going into a, a new family that will be really healthy and loving. So I was actually starting to get really excited because, and I think that has a lot to do with the kids in the orphanage too.

[00:17:34] You would see like. Kids coming and going, right? You'd see them like getting so excited when they had a prospect of a family that would be willing to take them in. And they would, a lot of times they would come and visit them and we would watch and be excited for them. Other times, you know, they'd.

[00:17:55] Phone them in or letter. It was, there's so many different ways that they were [00:18:00] communicating with these people. So like I was seeing how positive I they were getting, they were getting. And so I, it just kind of hyped me up. I'm like, okay, yeah, you know what, I, I saw these pe people coming to get these kids and they were really nice.

[00:18:17] They were nice folks and so it got me thinking like, you know what, maybe I will have a really good family. So yeah. So we were kind of groomed to be ready to be able to. Be part of this, a family in America. And they taught us English. How, like etiquette, just all these things where when we transitioned to America, we wouldn't be too like I guess in to Indian that there's some relatable, I don't know. So yeah, so that's kind of what happened is we end up being groomed for our families in India.

[00:19:01] Tiffanie: That is just, it's heartbreaking just to hear. And even if your dad was like, it's hard for me to look at you because of what happened. If anything, I should have woke his ass up and been like, I need to change my life. Like I

[00:19:16] Avonley: Mm-hmm.

[00:19:16] Tiffanie: here for these kids.

[00:19:20] Avonley: Yeah.

[00:19:21] Tiffanie: Have you ever talked to him again?

[00:19:24] Avonley: No. Okay, so I. I have tried reaching out to [00:19:30] my dad, like I think it was like, I would say like nine years ago. I'm like, okay, you know what? Maybe I'll reach out to them. I know my, like my sister, she served like a a religious mission in India and so she was really hyped up about finding family in India.

[00:19:55] And so that got me kind of curious a little. And so yeah, I did reach out to the orphanage because I didn't have any other ways. Like I kind of knew like the basic names and they were just. They responded back pretty quickly and said, you know, we, we no longer have the orphanage, but I do remember who you are, and your dad does not want to see you.

[00:20:24] He had told us not to give you any sort of information about the family, how you could find him. He has asked you not to go find him, and so, unlike at this point. That's him. You know, that's his choice. But for me, and now I have three girls, like I want them to see who, where I came from. I want them to see my family, like I would like to see my family.

[00:20:56] And so I've like tried finding [00:21:00] ways to reach them and it's just, it's been really hard. I've taken a DNA test. It's nothing. I am not able to have like any sort of like leads. So I ended up writing this book for another reason. Besides to help others that have been in abusive situation, how they can find strength in their own healing.

[00:21:23] I wrote this book also to hopefully find my family and again, help maybe to reunite. You know, just trying to find a way because I think it would be really nice to reunite and one of my biggest reasons to reunite with my dad is to let him know that I'm okay and he's forgiven. I don't have any grudges against him or any just beef with him for what he's done.

[00:21:52] I've never had that, you know, I've always just hope, I've always kind of like felt bad for him. Because of his actions of what he did to me. I knew he was in a lot of pain. Like if I was in his situation and seeing the actions that I did to my kid, oh my gosh, I would I think I would be in a lot of pain and the decisions that I made would be more haunting.

[00:22:18] Right. And so you're just kind of smothering yourself and you're in this pain that you kind of. To your kind of yourself, and [00:22:30] I'm just hoping to ease that from him and letting him know like it's been a long time having to deal, deal with that. I just wanna take some of that off his shoulder and let him know like, you know what?

[00:22:43] I'm good. We're, I'm healthy, I'm fine. I have a family. You can live the rest of your day in peace. I just want him to know. Know that if we don't have like any sort of relationship after that, that's fine. You know, I just, me personally wanna seek him just to let him know, like, look, you, I forgive you and I'm really sorry that you had to feel like this your, like entire life since you, we, my mom passed away and you put me up for an orphanage.

[00:23:16] Like that's gotta be hard. And so it's just a way for me to kind of help someone else that's going through a hard time. Hopefully he can start putting a smile on his face. 'cause you know, like I said earlier, we have, I had nine, there was nine of us altogether in India. And so he, I'm sure he'll ha he'll have a lot of grandkids and just expressing this concern.

[00:23:44] Just allowing him to be presence with his other family members, you know, and not allow like any sort of like curses, generational curses or like things that you have a problem with. Be put on your kids [00:24:00] because you're going through eternal problems, right? And so I just, I just wanna give him a piece so he can move forward.

[00:24:08] And that's why I wrote that book. Hopefully I can find him.

[00:24:11] Tiffanie: I think also it's closure for you to say, this happened. We're gonna identify it and we're gonna close this chapter you don't wanna live. As that 3-year-old little girl anymore, have now become a beautiful woman and mother yourself, and time to close that chapter and I think that's great. commend you for being like, I'm not mad at you. I'm not. I takes a lot that takes a lot. So you've done a lot of growth on yourself. For sure.

[00:24:51] Avonley: Yeah. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. Yeah, it does like a lot of that and that's just like a small part of what I went through. But that really did impact me. And I think what really helped is knowing that I had like a little glimpse of love in my life by the age of like six to three, you know, and that was for my mom.

[00:25:15] So I was able to have that comfort knowing that. What love was, what mother, like motherhood was, you know, just, and I think I really soaked that in because that is what helped [00:25:30] me to constantly be forgiving and in my life of all the trials that I went through. But yeah. Thank you so much.

[00:25:39] Tiffanie: Yeah, no, for sure. I can see it, not that I knew you and you know before, but just I can tell that you have seriously done your healing work on yourself because there's, is no way in hell anyone else would be like, oh, we're good, we're fine. No, because once you got to America. It was a whole nother like horror story. All the, how many families did you go through?

[00:26:06] Avonley: I've only went to one, one family.

[00:26:09] Tiffanie: Okay.

[00:26:10] Avonley: it wasn't like, like it wasn't like foster parenting. It was, I was adopted into one family.

[00:26:18] Tiffanie: Okay. With your sisters. Two of them.

[00:26:21] Avonley: Yeah. Two of my sisters. Yeah. They were older. Yeah. And then I say, what.

[00:26:30] Tiffanie: Do you still keep in contact with?

[00:26:33] Avonley: Yeah, I do. We're fairly close. They kind of live close by me. But my other younger sister is, I don't know where she went. My mom has mentioned that she was adopted into a family in Washington, but I'm not quite sure. So that's, that's another one I'm gonna have to like, try to figure out, 'cause I don't even know her name.[00:27:00] 

[00:27:00] And that one is just like a really, like, it's just a really different story in itself because when I reached out to the orphanage, they had said, because we were, I wanted some information about my sister that was adopted out in Washington. And they said, no, it was only the three of you guys that were adopted.

[00:27:22] You didn't have another person that was also adopted. And I said, well, it was a girl. And they're like, no, it was a boy and your dad kept him. So I don't know. We have all this memory, even my two sisters that are older than me, remember vividly taking the younger sister and holding her as we ran away.

[00:27:47] And then to hear like 20 years later, the orphanage. Saying, no, I don't know what's wrong with you. Like there wasn't another family member. So that's just another piece in the puzzle that I need to put together. And hopefully if this book reaches my family in India, then we can talk about it and try to find if.

[00:28:14] There was a sibling in India in Washington, or not what their name was. You know, it would be nice to reconnect, but yeah, that was a different story. But yes, the two siblings that were adopted into the same family we were close to. Mm-hmm.[00:28:30] 

[00:28:30] Tiffanie: Good. You need that. You gotta have some kind of foundation from where you came from. And I'm

[00:28:36] Avonley: Mm-hmm.

[00:28:36] Tiffanie: your mother would love that as well because I'm sure she's been watching you this whole time and very proud of everything that you guys have been doing probably very shaking her head at your father.

[00:28:51] Avonley: I'm, I'm sure, I'm not sure, like I guess it's hard when you're on the other side having to look down Right. And you can't control it. And whereas I think that's where we take advantage of, our life is we like while we're here, we really do need to just make the best of our life, you know make, because the choices that we make is gonna affect our.

[00:29:17] Our, our future, our future generations. So make, make it the best. Otherwise you'll have like a parent or grandparent, someone looking down at you saying either like, if you're not doing the best, like shaking their hands, wishing like I can hopefully get a grip on you, but can't, you know. But

[00:29:37] Tiffanie: Generational trauma. It's a thing for sure. I'm a product generational trauma, so I know that it carries I

[00:29:45] Avonley: yeah.

[00:29:45] Tiffanie: good for you guys saying no, it's, it stops here and I hope somehow they get word of your book and I hope there's a big reunion for you because I think you need that and that would be great.

[00:29:57] Closure.

[00:29:59] Avonley: I think [00:30:00] so. I think so. I really, that's my vision is hoping to reunite with my family in India and it would just be awesome to start a follower. Following and just having my viewers be able to experience this journey alongside me because you know, I wanna share the experience not only with myself, but to other people and give other people that might be in the same situation to give them a chance or even just hope to like try to seek family out.

[00:30:34] 'cause family's important.

[00:30:36] Tiffanie: Yeah, it's your roots. That's where a lot of your traits come from, yeah, it's only natural to wanna be close to the people who were close to you. What would you say to somebody who is listening that has either lost a parent and maybe going through the foster system? It's just really having a really rough time, rough life.

[00:30:58] What would you say to that person?

[00:31:01] Avonley: I think what I would say is just know that the trials and the traumas that you're going through is probably for a reason. You know, and maybe like, like I've, I've been there like feeling like, why did I go through this? Why, what's the purpose? Like, I've always asked a question like, God, why did you take my mom?

[00:31:21] You know, she could have stayed alive, could have raised all her kids, and could have like just. Help my dad, you know, and just [00:31:30] been help that family out. And it's just one person. It could have just been me. Like I could have just gone I just didn't think there was a purpose in me, but there is because

[00:31:44] we might not know it at the time. We might not know what our purpose is, and it's not really for us to know yet, because a lot of times when we're trying to get the answers, we're not all there in our head and we end up making different changes and sometimes those changes can really hurt us. More so and so what I would say is have a different mindset.

[00:32:13] Know that hey, you are still worthy of just being in human. You know, there's people out there that really care for you, you know, and just whatever you do, just pray. Pray to God. You know, and that's what I did. I've always, like, I was very fortunate to know that, there was a God, and that if I was ever felt lonely, that I could go to God and just pray.

[00:32:40] And there's people that might not, that usually go through traumatic events, end up losing God because they place blame on him and they can't imagine like, how, how dare you put me in this situation? Like it's, it's not fair. And then they push God away, they blame him. But really that's when we need God [00:33:00] even more.

[00:33:01] Because a lot of times it could be a test. You just never know. And so if you don't even believe in God, just imagine that there is someone out there that you feel like has hope in you. You know, even if you have to like role play this in your mind, just imagine there's something bigger out there that's going to, that has hope in you, that has hope in your future, and then just push for that hope.

[00:33:31] Start, like the foster care system is not gonna be in your life your entire life. You know, it's, you're gonna move on. And so like focus on the good things. Focus on what can I do right now? What positive things can I do? You know, like the mindset, like you have to think clearly and think that you are worth something.

[00:33:57] Because if you don't, you're gonna wreck yourself even more. And it's gonna be harder for you to like climb out of this mess that you've created. 'cause a lot of times the mess is what we like. It's our mind. Like our mind ends up overreacting a lot of the times. And it can, it goes into the survival mode and we can react in a, a negative, harsh way for ourself if we're not careful.

[00:34:26] And so just know that [00:34:30] you are, you are a somebody, even if you are surrounded by all these people that are negative. There are people in this world that are praying for you. They might not know you, but they know like situations that you might have been, you know, because they might have been there and they might know like, Hey, the foster care system isn't the best.

[00:34:54] Or there's a lot of like a lot of kids end up going a different direction in the foster care care system because they're not getting the needs met with the family that they're in. And so they, they will probably end up sharing their story and there's warriors out there that are silently praying for you, and it's not for you to know that they're praying for you.

[00:35:18] It's you just taking that in, just understanding like, Hey, there are people out there who are rooting for me. And so. So make it for them. Make it for yourself that, hey, you are a good human being and you deserve to be treated fairly and really good. And so in order for you to be treated fairly and good, the person that needs to be treated fairly and good is by your own self.

[00:35:49] You have to do that. So nurture yourself as hard as it is, especially for little kids, you need somebody else, but you have to, if you don't [00:36:00] have nobody, just do it for yourself. And the cool thing about the what, the time that we're living in so's so many technology around, there's ways to get the help that you need.

[00:36:12] Seek help. You really need to talk to people about whatever you're going through because it will help your future yourself because it's, here's one of the tidbits that happened to me is so I grew up in a really small area. And we didn't, the internet wasn't like so vamped at that time, and so we didn't really have, I didn't really have people to feel like I could talk to.

[00:36:40] And I was super shy and so I just kept everything to myself and so as I kept everything to myself and I cried myself to sleep and I didn't have an outlet, I was accumulating unhealthy habits, which I didn't know at the time. But now that I'm older and I reflect on my past and realize, oh, that little girl, it, they, that little girl really needed to be nurtured.

[00:37:06] That little girl needed to be hugged needed to know that she is seen, you know, needed to know that there was people there to support her. But because I didn't have that and I didn't really have the means I ended up holding it inside myself, myself, where. I now have like a tumor, the, the size of like a cantaloupe because [00:37:30] I've held so much inside.

[00:37:34] And that is from trauma. That is from just not feeling like you're adequate and not giving other, not trusting other people, you know? And just holding it in. So you gotta eat healthy. You gotta, you gotta like, try to get the help that you need. Seek somebody good friend, you know, that is willing to just even be a listening ears for you.

[00:38:02] Like if somebody can listen to you, you're like shedding that out and that's good. You don't wanna, you don't wanna hold that in and then have this hard ball of a tumor. That you like. Now I'm like working on my health and trying to reduce that, and it's much harder when you get older. So take it from me and help, help yourself and know that there are people out there.

[00:38:28] Don't be a victim of your story. Be a victor. You get to choose like the outcome of your story. If you're gonna always be sad. You're going to attract negative energy a lot of the times if that's the mindset that you have. And then you're gonna be around people that are negative and you don't want that.

[00:38:50] You want people, especially in the state that you, a foster kid might be, or any per someone, anyone that's in like a hard situation. And whether [00:39:00] it's like a marriage in a toxic relationship, you really need to be surrounded by those that are gonna be uplifting. Those that are gonna help you know that, hey, I got your back.

[00:39:15] Knowing that you can be able to have like an outlet, and when you do, you'll start healing and you'll start thinking in a positive way because you do wanna look at the future as like, as if you're an author of your story, what is the outcome? Okay. Because hey, you're gonna, you might end up having kids, okay?

[00:39:40] And you don't, like we talked about like generational on trauma. You don't want, if you don't be willing to like, put an end to the traumas that's happening in your life and finding ways to like I guess revert that, then you're gonna, a lot of time what happens is you're gonna put that on your kids.

[00:40:02] And then your kids are gonna do that to their kids. And then that's becomes a generational trauma. We wanna avoid that. You want, you wanna recognize what's happening, put an end to it and say no more. And you're gonna have a different way of approaching things. And because you want, you want your stories to be powerful.

[00:40:22] You want your grandkids to look back and say, oh. My grandma was amazing. She went through [00:40:30] all this. I can't imagine. And having your story be powerful in your line is, is what's is worth it. Okay? You don't want you don't want your grandkid to look at you and say, oh yeah, my grand grandma is just, she went through a tough time.

[00:40:50] She's just so sour, you know, and she's grumpy. You know, kids ends up taking it that way because of the way we react and act. And so if you want to be, make an impact on your life. Make it while you're at this present moment, make changes. Forget about your past right now. Start making the change now and for the future.

[00:41:20] Tiffanie: Yeah, don't let your past define you. Everyone

[00:41:23] Avonley: Okay.

[00:41:23] Tiffanie: ups and downs, but you don't have to live there. You, like you said, beautifully said, you are the author of your own story. How do you want your ending to be? Do you wanna be homeless in a alley, or do you wanna be living with a family and having all the love and stuff that you need? The choice is, it's up to you exactly when, just negative. That's all you're gonna attract. I don't know anyone who hated life and won the lottery. Like I just, like good things don't come to people who just only always think negatively. It's just, it [00:42:00] doesn't work like that.

[00:42:00] It's the law of attraction. So

[00:42:02] Avonley: Right.

[00:42:03] Tiffanie: positive and get out all that toxicity, like you said, either talk to someone, get. A journal, a piece of paper, write it out because it does, it festers into disease and all just different kinds of ailments. I got an autoimmune disease from mine, so it, it's just, there's a lot of shit out there. Don't just deal with your shit.

[00:42:31] Avonley: Yes, there is a lot.

[00:42:34] Tiffanie: For real. Yeah. I had a guest on, she went like deaf in her ear from trauma. Like it's just the way this stuff festers is amazing and people don't realize that. They think that they can suppress it and it goes away. It never goes away. It's gonna pop its head up at some point, you better be ready for it.

[00:42:56] Avonley: Yep. Yeah, for sure. It's kind of like the, the analogy that I use with that is like, just imagine a trash bag. If you are not going to work through your problems. You're throwing it in the trash, but eventually you're gonna have to take the trash out. If it becomes too heavy, you might have to like, you know, like if it becomes heavy, it will rip apart, and then you have to like.

[00:43:21] Physically touch it and take, handle it and take care of it. And so sometimes you might have to like really just go in and [00:43:30] work through it. And that's, that's gonna be way overwhelming because there's so many emotions attached there. And you might feel like, I, I absolutely can't handle it. And it's, it's so much, it is a load of crap that you just decided to toss away rather than handling it.

[00:43:49] So we wanna avoid that.

[00:43:51] Tiffanie: Yes. I love that analogy. Like you could actually visualize that.

[00:43:57] Avonley: Mm-hmm.

[00:43:57] Tiffanie: So

[00:43:58] Avonley: Yeah.

[00:43:58] Tiffanie: bragging up the house, it's not budget through the door. It's alright, now you're gonna actually dig in and start removing stuff. I like that. So if anybody wanted to get in touch with you, I know it's ley lightstone.com and you have a free chapter that you're willing to give the readers, right?

[00:44:22] Avonley: Yes. So yeah, you can follow me on like all the social medias, Facebook, TikTok Instagram. I usually post on Instagram and just be patient with me because I. I'm still tender and I'm still healing, so I'm not like fully recovered. There's like different stages of healing, right? And now that I'm telling my story, I'm.

[00:44:46] I'm being very vulnerable and it's very sensitive topic, and it's really hard to put out videos on TikTok because I've always been a private person and now I'm just, here I am [00:45:00] to the world. Here's my story. You know, it's very vulnerable and it's, it's scary and I am. I'm learning a lot of things. I'm overcoming a lot of, like, even just fear that I have.

[00:45:13] And so just be patient when I put videos out there. It can be a little not the best quality and yeah, so just be patient with me. But I do have a website. Abilene Lightstone. If you go there, there is a free chapter. If you're kind of hesitant. I know when I read books I like to like look at the back of the chapter, read it.

[00:45:38] I read the ending. I like to read the middle. You know, I just like to get a little bits and pieces to know like if this book is worth it. So that's where I decided, hey, you know what? I want my readers to feel like, that they want this book. So check out that free chapter. It really goes into details about my time in India.

[00:46:03] And yeah, just get there and if you end up liking it get on with my book. You can get on Amazon. Otherwise, like, it would just be really nice to have you guys just follow me on this journey. If you wanted to see if I end up finding my family, that would be awesome. You know, we just wanna connect.

[00:46:22] I just wanna help bring healing into this world. I actually ended up writing a second book, and that's more about forgiveness. But for [00:46:30] now, I'm just focusing on this book because I, I, I wanna create a following and just kind of share my stories and. Reach out to people that are hurting and hopefully that I can make an impact on other people.

[00:46:43] But yeah. Thank you so much for, for that.

[00:46:48] Tiffanie: Of course, and I'm gonna come follow you because I cannot wait to see if. You find your family and you take all the time you need. I am so proud of you. Like you said, you used to be really shy and you're being vulnerable and it can be scary, but it's also empowering because you never know who's on the other side of that screen watching, and

[00:47:12] Avonley: Yeah.

[00:47:13] Tiffanie: be giving the next person that little oomph that they need to get along in their story. And that's what's just so great about all this stuff, 

[00:47:23] Avonley: yeah. Thank you Tiffanie. I appreciate it. That is one of my goal is to, hate to admit it, but like put myself in a vulnerable state to help people that are falling apart, knowing that, hey. That person had overcome so much, but yet they're telling their story and still are, have problems in their life that they're trying to overcome.

[00:47:46] You know, like I have, I have anxiety when it comes to media, like putting myself on camera, that is something I don't like doing. And being able to talk, like, I just don't like doing that, but I'm willing to do [00:48:00] that to just like, help other people push themself with, you know, like, hey, if you have goals that you wanna achieve or hobbies you wanna achieve, like try it.

[00:48:09] Like, you're gonna have to get in an uncomfortable situation. And then hopefully you'll see the butterfly like. Like expand its wing and fly away and it's gonna be beautiful. So hopefully my viewers will start seeing the beauty within themself and, and spread out their wings and we'll see all these butterflies around the world just flying around.

[00:48:30] Tiffanie: I'm looking at the beauty right now and I think you are spreading your wings there, girlfriend. 

[00:48:36] Avonley: Oh, thank you.

[00:48:38] Tiffanie: they say you gotta get comfortable with being uncomfortable and trust me, me being on video is no walk in the park either.

[00:48:47] Avonley: It's hard.

[00:48:49] Tiffanie: It is. It really is. So I think a majority of people can absolutely understand that. But just now, I'm proud of you and I will be following you and I can't wait to see where you end up.

[00:49:05] Avonley: Thank you, Tiffanie. I'm excited. For this journey and I appreciate you having me on this podcast. It's been really nice.

[00:49:15] Tiffanie: Good. I'm glad.

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