New - Hilary Powers

[00:00:00] Tiffanie: pain from trauma shows up in many different ways for different people. It's a vicious cycle that every person faces at some point, regardless of the rank, status, gender, or title, everyone has buried their pain and hopes it would disappear. Today you're getting a set of guidelines and principles to help achieve freedom from the old belief systems that cause you pain, that you cannot escape.

[00:00:29] 

[00:00:39] Tiffanie: What if the darkest chapters of your life could become someone else's survival guide? I'm Tiffanie, survivor, storyteller, and host the True Crime connections where we turn pain into power and stories into Sparks of hope. Every week I sit down with someone who's lived through the unimaginable and found the strength to speak out.

[00:01:01] Did you know that some of the most successful people in Hollywood carry unimaginable pain behind the scenes? My guest today once boys Sally Brown in the Peanuts cartoons while secretly fighting abuse, addiction, and despair, but she didn't stay there. Hillary has been in recovery since 1983, now mentoring other women and inspiring thousands through her story of healing.

[00:01:27] Today, she's sharing her journey [00:01:30] and the steps you can take to stop sitting in your pain and start living free. Please help me welcome Hillary Berger Powers welcome.

[00:01:40] Hilary m powers: Thank you. I really appreciate that intro. You know, it's right there. It's funny how the world sees you, but when you have that wounded girl inside of you, she's still listening and I hear, oh my God, is that you? Wow, you've done a good job. It's that. It is that

[00:02:03] Tiffanie: You.

[00:02:04] Hilary m powers: It's.

[00:02:05] Tiffanie: have done a good job.

[00:02:06] Hilary m powers: But our, my mind tells me, you know you talked about the trauma, I, I think the whole world experiences trauma, we just went through the last four years of like the beating of the drama of trauma, keeping everybody in fight or flight.

[00:02:22] And reptilian side of our brain, I call it. know where I gotta survive. I grew up in that ecosystem, meaning I grew up in that bathtub of I gotta be perfect, I gotta do this right. I gotta look good no matter what I'm feeling. Don't think about that. be a good little girl. That was the world I grew up in.

[00:02:53] , I'm sure a lot of your guests are from broken homes, whatever broken looks like to you. My broken is, [00:03:00] I grew up with a lot of alcoholism, a lot of violence. My mother was a narcissist. If you've grown up or been around or dated or, or fell in love with a narcissist. You know, you can't ever be right because you're on the bottom of the totem pole and they're on the top regardless of what you do. You know, I said earlier, the ego is never satisfied and the narcissist is God, and that's their conquer. They're either gonna live with God. Be God. And they certainly can't live with God because that's competition. So I grew up in this whole world of having to, you know, be cute, smile, look cute for the camera.

[00:03:50] And my mother used to say smile, look cute. And at all costs do not show your emotion. You know, it's not profitable. And

[00:04:00] Tiffanie: Hmm.

[00:04:00] Hilary m powers: up with this, you know, in my world we call it a principle. What is a principle principle's a truth I lived with? It's a truth you live by, like honesty. That's a truth you live by. Well, my principles were Don't show your emotions. You have to be perfect. if you don't please people, you'll never be loved. That you're never enough. You're not tall enough, [00:04:30] pretty enough, smart enough. So these are all these principles that somewhere along the line, I didn't, I didn't choose them.

[00:04:38] They were given to me and I'm a good daughter. I received the gift that my mother gives me, that society gives me that men that rape me, give me the, I can go on and on. I just kept placing myself in positions. be hurt, not because I wanted to be hurt, but I thought that was my value, but I gotta look good doing it. So I grew up.

[00:05:06] Tiffanie: That becomes your normal right.

[00:05:09] Hilary m powers: Yeah, I don't know what's good, bad, up, down, right, left. There's trauma. All I know, it's something happens that when something traumatic happens, you know, I don't know if it was sexual abuse or you were beaten or you were you were not fed or you grew up in alcoholic alcoholism where there was, there was di, there was, you know. Anger or danger, whatever it may be. It may even be that you had a really horrible sibling that tortured you always picked on you. That becomes a trauma traumatic response. I'm always, you know, I, I, I talk about it in my coaching where there's the triangle of trauma. You're in, you're [00:06:00] in survival mode. You're in self preservation, you're protecting yourself, and then you're always, you're always ready for Freddy. You are like, what's gonna happen next? So now when I'm in that state, don't believe in a God because God obviously is gone. Because how could God let these things happen to me? So I've pushed that thought aside. my ego becomes my God. And even if it's, I'm not enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm not pretty enough, I gotta be right. 'cause that's my ego's job. So I am going to pick people that resemble my original wound. I pick my friends. pick my clothes, I pick my drugs. I pre pick my sex partners. I pick my jobs, I pick my activities, my vacations, my drink, you name it. My wound is picking everything because it's got to happen again, so I can be right. See, nothing ever good happens to me. See, I am a piece of, shh. You know what's, see, I knew this would happen to me, so I keep repeating and [00:07:30] rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat, rinse, this is my life. And I don't even know it.

[00:07:37] And, and where does the acting come into it? Oh my God. I was just, I was like, difference between putting a pizza in the oven or, or putting popcorn in the oven or putting popcorn in the microwave, it takes two minutes for the popcorn to pop in the microwave. There's being in front of a camera, it may take years for the popcorn to pop in the oven. And it was just like, be perfect. Be perfect. You gotta be perfect. So my first job, I became Sally, who was a cartoon character. It wasn't even me. So I already learned how to put a mask on. I could either be in front and everybody knew who I was, or I could say, that's not me. 'cause you couldn't tell 'cause you couldn't see me. And then I started getting commercials and, you know, I grew up in this crazy alcoholic, narcissistic mother where she needed more, more, more, more, more little alone. I'm doing all these commercials and, and we're, we're, I'm working yet, I can't, don't get underwear because we can't afford it, but we can afford 15, 13 horses. I

[00:08:52] Tiffanie: Hmm.

[00:08:52] Hilary m powers: afford food, but we can afford to look good on the outside, which is kind of interesting. [00:09:00] We're kind of doing that in our world. Even today. look good. I gotta have the perfect Instagram picture where I'm completely Photoshop, I gotta look good. But inside, I'm dying inside. And so as a little girl, I was already dying inside 'cause I never felt enough. I would bite my fingers to the quick, I blisters all over my hands, but I look good. And I would smile for the camera and be really cute and do all this stuff. And at 11 and 12 years old, my mother's taking me down to do porn. You know, because the cup at the overfloweth, I mean, you wonder how people get into that.

[00:09:40] Well, at first it's this, and then it's not satisfied, and you go a little deeper and a little deeper. It's like drug addiction. You know, your parents said, smoke pot, you'll be doing heroin. You're like, no, I won't cut to, I'm doing heroin. Okay. So there you go. Because it's never satisfied. Was it my environment that brought on my trauma or was I predisposed to get it? I don't know. All I know is kept chasing the back of the truck and they kept putting the brakes on. And I kept calling it their fault, but yet didn't I indeed chase the truck? And that was kind of how my life became, you know, I mean, especially when you've had some [00:10:30] traumatic event, had you really believe, this is my life, this is my life.

[00:10:35] And it is, until you say, this is not my life anymore. I no longer wanna be a victim. I'm gonna start volunteering for decisions. And so in the trauma response, when we're in this trauma response, I don't even know I'm doing it, but if I pay attention to how I'm interacting a new character, with the same energy as the last character, I keep like looking in the rear view mirror, hoping I can change the outcome because I'm still leading with the same wound. not enough. Do you like me? Do you like me? Now I'm like, God, what if I put this on? What if I were this? What if I get this job? What if I marry you? What if I have this cat, this kid, and this, and I'm still waiting you to tell me I'm okay, but I'm not really wanting you to. want to change my outcome of my whole life history today, and I think I can do it on the outside. But I can't, I gotta start in here. So I'm in that stuck triangle, the only way I could crack it is I've gotta be aware of what I'm doing. how do I do that? Well, when you're in trauma, you're in fight or flight, good or bad, black or white. [00:12:00] Scared, happy. I'm so hot. I'm the biggest piece of shit. I'm skinny, I'm fat, I'm beautiful.

[00:12:08] I'm ugly. I am rich, I'm poor. I'm I, I, I, I, I am so self-centered. It's unbelievable. And I think it's your fault. I'm like, Mimi. I, I, I, I, and people are just like, oh my God, here she comes again. Now what story does she have? I mean, I remember those phone calls where my friends would go, now what Hillary. And you're like, how can I reword that with a listen this time? And it's so much, and then I grew, then I put on more shame, more guilt, more shame. I'm so shame based. Everything's like, shame, shame Hillary. You know, I can't talk about the horrible things that happened because I'm, I almost feel like, well, I guess this is my life. I guess God has put me in purgatory. That was when I didn't have my relationship with God.

[00:12:59] I was like, no, God gave me the greatest, most insane ride so I could have the greatest and most insane message to help another human being heal. Thank you God, for everything I've been through. I wouldn't change one iota. You know, by the time I was, I had left, I'd stopped doing commercials 'cause I realized my mother was taking all the money that I was, and all I know is good girl [00:13:30] go bad.

[00:13:30] So there's three personalities that you bring in when you're in trauma. You're either the people pleaser. Bingo. That's me. Oh, yeah, sure. I'll suck your dick. Okay. You like me now? You like me now? I'm sorry I'm being vulgar, but I'm just making a joke. You can't shoot that woman. She's already dead. Don't worry about it, guys. You be, you become a loner. don't need anybody. I got this. You don't talk to people. You shut down. You say nothing, right? you become the controller. Everything's gotta be perfect. My room's gotta be perfect. Don't move that. I just dusted. Don't. What are you doing? Stop it. Stop it. You're messing my hair.

[00:14:13] Don't touch me. It's gotta be perfect. Mm. So I have all these, I know I'm in trauma when I start. I'm not acting. I'm in a reactive state. I gotta say, okay, I, I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I gotta live. Don't touch my hair. I gotta live. I gotta live. Oh my God. Oh my God. I like him. I'm gonna die. I am gonna die.

[00:14:34] Oh, yeah. Hide. Hide. So I go through these three types of characteristics. And how do I get out of it? Okay, now I get to share get out of it. So I go through all this stuff. My mom sends me to juvenile hall, sends me to a foster home 'cause I'm no longer financing the family. my message? If I don't take care of you, no one's gonna [00:15:00] love me. Cut to I'm 20 buying boyfriend cars. Do you love me now? Do you love me now? You know, it's like, here's my body. Do you love me now? Oh, sell your, I'll sell my body so you can get a new car. I mean, I did even did that. It's like, how can, but see, when you're in trauma, live or die. Live or die, you see black or white.

[00:15:20] There's no gray zone. 

[00:15:22] Tiffanie: You are searching for self-acceptance. You know you're looking for that love that you have been yearning for, and so you chase it in all the wrong places.

[00:15:33] Hilary m powers: It's black and white thinking. So I didn't know, and I ended up, you know, leaving home, went to nine high schools. You know, here is this girl that made half a million dollars. I'm living homeless, I'm eating our trash cans. I'm living in Compton, California. I'm it, it make selling pots and pans on the side of the highway and I'm thinking, Hey, I was in your living room every Sunday night. Now I'm on your freeway up ramp. On ramp selling Corning wear, you know? And I ended up getting involved in drugs because didn't, I wasn't trying to feel better, I was just not trying to feel, I was so terrified of either making it. Or not making it happy. Or not being happy. That's that. Do you love me?

[00:16:23] Take me. Take me. Take me. It's okay. I am gonna kill myself. Obviously I'm not enough [00:16:30] so that that pendulum and I ended up overdosing and you know, but for the grace of God, I looked up, I was in a fire escape and I went into a grandma's seizure and I said, if there's a God, please help me. And it stopped. I would love to say, and then the world parted and everything was amazing, but there's no such thing as all of a sudden, life is about little bits.

[00:16:54] Time, time, time, time, time. You know, an event is me walking into the other room, that's an event. walking into the kitchen, that's an event. So it was about event after event I ended up. Getting in introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous, which was the beginning of my journey. I got introduced to therapy. I got, it was just little by little by little bit, and I've had this incredibly, wonderfully painful, interesting, hot, cold, lukewarm, every color in the rainbow because I see life differently now. You know, I made a decision because I followed it with a action to try not killing myself today. That was all I said, I'm gonna try not to kill myself today, meaning I wasn't gonna call myself a loser. I hate you. You know, I, was. Bulimic. I was throwing up 10 times a day. I lay it all out. I [00:18:00] was bulimic. I was a, you know, I was addicted to finding him because I'm sure he was gonna happily ever after. Thanks. Disney. doesn't work. There's no such thing, guys. Newsflash. There is no hap. It's either

[00:18:16] Tiffanie: I always say Disney lied to us all.

[00:18:19] Hilary m powers: Oh, what a bet. Trauma. Trauma. I'm gonna charge Disney for my trauma therapy. Right. Should I send them the bill? Yeah. so anyway, so I had all this stuff happen and then I was introduced to a man who was, I was 23 years old, and he said to me, know, you have no idea how powerful you are, do you? And that scared me. Because my trauma told me I had no power. I was weak and everything bad was gonna happen to me. not my fault. It's not my fault. They did it to me. And this therapist, I had him for 20 years. He died at a tragic, airplane crash. I always say he took all my, he took all my memories with him. And realizing that when I start taking responsibility for every choice that I made in my life, that I could get better. But until I do that, to stabilize myself. And how do I do that? There's this triangle. I love the [00:19:30] triangle because it symbolized body, mind, spirit, know, hope, faith, you know, whatever the mind is. It's, it's everything. It's the, got the pineal gland, it's the triangle, it's the, you know, the, the, it's what contained in this triangle is there's seven layers. The bottom layer is about stability. I need to stabilize myself if I wanna get out in trauma. I always encourage the girls I work with to make a triangle, and right on the bottom of it, stabilize. How do I stabilize seeing, tasting, touching, hearing, smelling? Am I placing myself in a world where I see things differently, meaning go sit by the ocean, go sit on the grass, touch the grass, seeing, feeling, smell the grass. are ways to stabilize when I'm having that moment when you're just like, I can sit, pause when agitated and I go, okay, there's some breath. There's smell. God, please quiet my mind. Protect me from my thoughts. That's my favorite prayer. And then I do things like, have I slept today? Have I eaten? Have I drank enough water today? Have [00:21:00] I something nice today? Did I listen to some nice music? Or can I hear the birds or listen to kids? Oh, I used to always say, I love listening to children laughing because it takes me away from my pain. So I started looking at seeing, tasting, touching, hearing, smelling those five senses. If I can stabilize myself, then I'm out of that fight or flight.

[00:21:26] I'm like, where you feel that? Your body just slows down. Like I can feel it in my shoulders just talking about it. I can just, I can stabilize myself because I spent my life trying to get him to do it. The job to do it, I want you all to stabilize myself, but until I made that decision that I was gonna take responsibility for all my trauma, even the ones when I was raped. And sexually abused. I made a decision to say, I'm gonna take responsibility for it energetically. I was doing something the moment I said that. Then I thought, oh, that means I can take responsibility for feeling good too. So then I allowed my, I gave that little girl permission. It's okay. I'm gonna help you feel better today, sweetheart. 'cause my little girl is so scared and I'm afraid of doing it wrong. I'm [00:22:30] afraid of being touched and hurt and, and I, get to take responsibility for me 'cause I get to have my power back. That's all I always thought. I lost is my power, but I'm gonna take it back. So I get stabilized, and once I get into that place of stabilization, sometimes it just takes a nap, A good night's sleep, a shower, a glass of water, man.

[00:23:01] Can that change everything? Like little stuff like that. Think a scene, tasting, touching, hearing, smelling, all those things that affect your senses. You get to take power over your inside life. I'm gonna project my movie out there. my glasses were on wrong. I thought the movie came from the outside in.

[00:23:23] If I get the good job, then I'll feel good. No honey. Turn your little funnel around. I feel good, I start bringing in all kinds of good things. So get stabilized. Simple, simple, simple. Once I get to that, I already boost myself up to, I start feeling like I belong. Like, wow, I belong in this world. I'm not an alien. I'm not foreign. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not damaged. All of a sudden, I feel like I have a sense of belonging. Now. When I feel that sense of [00:24:00] belonging, I start hanging out with people that are on the same vibe. People are like, Hey, you wanna go get some wheat? Whatever. You wanna go get a salad? Instead of, Hey, you wanna go, you know, shoot some heroin today.

[00:24:11] All of a sudden I'm around a different vibe because I'm stabilized. I'm not in that. Gotta get it. I'm gonna die. If I don't, I'm gonna die. If I do. Once I get to that, I start feeling good about Hillary and I go, wow, I'm really proud of yourself. Yeah, I got a good night's sleep last night. Wow. I took care of myself.

[00:24:30] All of a sudden I'm like sitting up taller. I'm like, oh, I got a little self-esteem. That's awesome. I look in the mirror and I don't go, you fat, ugly, old bitch, which is what I used to do as I'm throwing up 10 times a day, my food hating myself. Hating my just hating everything about me. On those days, I was hating.

[00:24:52] I wasn't hating me, I was hating my condition, and I didn't know I had power over it. So then I start feeling good about myself and I'm like, God, are, are you here? Because I'm connected to something inside and now I can tap into a source other than my hurt mind and my tragedy and my trauma. So then I start being productive.

[00:25:19] I think I'm gonna get a job today. Oh my God, I'm gonna go get my license renewed. All of a sudden I start doing these esteemable acts and I start getting, [00:25:30] I'm productive. And once I get to a place of feeling in productivity, what do you think I wanna do? tell you about how to get there. And then I start sharing and I could be a service to the world.

[00:25:44] And I don't want anything from you. I want nothing except I want you to feel good because I'm feeling good. So I wanna share this joy with you. So that's some of the ways I have get outta my trauma. And I was telling you this today. to go see a friend of mine my mentor, it's her friend. He's 95 years old. lives in retirement home. Half of me is like, oh God. Well there's gotta be dead soon anyway. I'm telling you what's in my thought life, right? I mean, we all have this stuff. Don't lie to me. Don't say you're all walking on thin. Oh, where's that water you're walking on, girl? So I'm walking, I'm thinking, Hillary, what would God want me to do?

[00:26:29] Oh, he would want me to help my brother. God, how many times have people helped you? Total strangers. He's kind of a stranger to me. He's 95. I went to go meet him. I said, Hey dude, you feeling like gonna Denny's? He's like, oh, I can't even walk today. I'm like, I've got the best idea ever. Who wants Dunking Donuts? And he was like, I'll take a donut. So I myself because I needed to do What would God do? [00:27:00] How am I gonna help him feel safe? guy's probably scared. He's probably thinking it's today's a day. And then I got to bring him some donuts, some black coffee, and we laughed and I said, John, know what?

[00:27:16] We both know, nobody gets outta here alive. And he goes, that's right. He goes, either we're gonna go out in pain or happy, we get to make that choice. And I said, you bet daddy. Because what I am given free will. Whoa. I'm not a victim. I only volunteer for my pain. So there's kind of my trauma mama.

[00:27:47] Tiffanie: Trauma Mama. I mean, so many people can identify with that. I can identify with that. You know, sometimes we are our own worst enemy, and it is not until you shift your brain. Are things going to finally lighten up for you if you live in this? Oh, everything's wrong. This is wrong with me. I can't do this. I don't do this.

[00:28:08] Da da da. What do you think is gonna happen? Nothing. Nothing good.

[00:28:13] Hilary m powers: you want you to think about, you bring about baby.

[00:28:16] Tiffanie: Exactly.

[00:28:17] Hilary m powers: to my friends, they're like, my life sucks. And I said, keep talking about it. You're gonna keep bringing on more stuff, you know? And you know. When we're raised in [00:28:30] sky's falling down doom and gloom, we live in a world where it's very uncertain. It's always been uncertain. What if you turn that around? It's like, oh my God, it's in the end times. Nothing lasts. We're always in the end times. I mean, if you can just shift your moments when I was talking about affairs right here, right now, right now, all of a sudden, if you shift your moments to little by little you pivot your your vision to see a life a little differently, all of a sudden you'll realize I don't see life the same. But it was those little teeny moments after moments after moments. And I'm, I'm in a hurry. I don't know where I'm getting. I'm in a hurry to get better. Hurry to get sick. Hurry to get hurry. Hurry. Come on, come on. And when I just stabilize myself and take a breath. know, you know, you see these people that are so into breathing.

[00:29:28] I'm into it all, honey. I'm not just into breathing. I can't live on breath alone, babe. I gotta live on, you know, seeing taste and touching here and smelling. I got my five senses on earth. My sixth sense is with God. I, I, I'll tap into that one when I'm outta here. I could go for it for information. Like I said, I mean we're so afraid of doing the wrong thing and we have pains. You know, that's where I just, I pray and I go, you know what I [00:30:00] call him dad sometimes. I'm like, dad, I don't know what I'm doing today, dude. Please, can you guide me? 'cause I wanna go back to my cave. My, my reptilian caveman cave. And I, I'm not there only unless I say I wanna go there. So I have to ask, I ask for a power other than Hillary, 'cause I'm pretty powerful. I could blow this shit up with one word. I could ruin a marriage with one sentence. I know exactly what to say. I've, I've been fired off jobs. I remember this one time I was working with this director and he's like, Hillary, you're making me look like a real idiot. What do you think? I said, now the

[00:30:45] Tiffanie: You are an idiot.

[00:30:46] Hilary m powers: I said, no, that was too nice. I said, sir, you're doing a great job on your own, know? And I was, and what happens? God, I got fired. A, I took responsibility for it. I got f, I got myself fired because all those all of a sudden were little things. Little, little, little, little, little. All of a sudden you noticed it?

[00:31:18] Tiffanie: Gotta be aware.

[00:31:19] Hilary m powers: Mm-hmm. Be right right now. Right now. Right now it's like, oh. When they say you can choose your day, choose your thoughts. It's so [00:31:30] true. You know, it a man is only as he who think it, whatever is, I can't, or I looked it up today. It was about basically whatever you think you create. Bingo. You know?

[00:31:43] Tiffanie: I believe in that. I really do. 'cause I've seen the difference. I've been in that dark place and. There was never any light. That shit did not shine through. Now that I do, oh my God, like I get to meet amazing people like you. I get to help other people come out of their darkness, and it's amazing like possibilities.

[00:32:06] Endless, endless.

[00:32:08] Hilary m powers: endless, infinite. Because you're tapping into God, God's infinite on impotent, endless. want all kinds of adventures. Brilliant. You know, I was saying, I'm, you know, I'm, I'm probably in the last, I don't know, chapter of my life. I can't, I'm excited. I don't know where it's, I have an idea where I want it to go. And all I know is I wanna be of service. God please place me in a place where I can, I can crack the egg open for somebody. I can help someone no longer lead with their wound. How nice is that? Wow. It's not about me anymore.

[00:32:47] Tiffanie: It's life changing.

[00:32:49] Hilary m powers: it's awesome. You know, it's so, and the other thing I would say is make friends with your trauma. [00:33:00] Because what you resist, persist. Think of that. What you resist. I don't wanna talk about it. it was a bad time in my life. Persist. It means it is gonna keep coming back. You gotta, you gotta a retail customer. That's always gonna return for the next bargain. Next bargain. Next bargain. Next. Bone Head. Next Bone.

[00:33:23] Head Next. Bone. Head.

[00:33:28] Tiffanie: Charlie Brown reference.

[00:33:30] Hilary m powers: W totally w that was like, oh my God, oh my God, that was my life. I would hear everybody like, oh, you're so defiant. W mm-hmm. You know, sure. like, cute. Don't let 'em know that I'm dying inside. Ne nearly killed me.

[00:33:52] Tiffanie: I mean, I'm so happy where you are today. You can tell. I mean, you're glowing. You're literally glowing, and you can tell you're happy. You're in a good place, and you genuinely love helping other people, which is amazing.

[00:34:07] Hilary m powers: how lucky am I? It's a gift. How lucky am I? You know, it's not me. I didn't, I didn't come up with this stuff. The stuff I came up with is what I'm helping you get out of. So that gives you an idea. I came up with, oh, he's a great guy. Well, he's, he's, he's been to jail. He is been arrested. He beats women.

[00:34:29] [00:34:30] He's the best guy ever. I came up with that,

[00:34:34] Tiffanie: It's, but I.

[00:34:35] Hilary m powers: but no, what do we say? I'm Captain save Ahoe. I save him. He'll save this hoe.

[00:34:45] Tiffanie: Yeah. No. Nope.

[00:34:46] Hilary m powers: it's the circle of life around. And I gotta change my, my path, you know? And I do it one, one little thing at a time, you know? And if you think of, oh my God, I'm never gonna get out of this, don't worry. You'll create that. Maybe say, I'm on my way, I am on my way, I am on my way, I am doing good. I'm on my way. Even if you don't believe it, just say it. You speak it into existence, you know, I mean, if I, even, know it's not a religious show, but I, I've, you know, if you think of what, Jesus came down here. He was talking love. He wasn't talking the old stuff. He was talking love. No old love. We're going to new stuff.

[00:35:36] Tiffanie: Well, when you think about it, you gotta retrain your brain because you didn't come up with the, I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm this and that. That was programmed by people repetitively telling you these things. So if you repetitively tell yourself good things. You're rewiring your brain.

[00:35:57] Hilary m powers: Holy.

[00:35:57] Tiffanie: Learn that new way.

[00:35:59] Hilary m powers: [00:36:00] Little by little by little. If I had to look at my house and go, okay, spring cleaning by four o'clock tomorrow, I'd go, oh, forget about it. if I go, no, I'm just gonna take this one section and then I feel good about myself, stabilize a steam, I feel like I belong. It's my house esteem. I feel good about myself.

[00:36:21] I wanna do more, and then I can't wait to share. Wow, that was easy. I just did my house. See how that triangle, it goes with everything

[00:36:33] Tiffanie: So what are your guidelines when you are mentoring? Do you do only women or is it women and men?

[00:36:38] Hilary m powers: I've done. A lot of men, a lot of men, but mostly women. I have, my question is, is you know, are you willing to do what I did? And if they say, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll give 'em a couple things to do and I'll see if they're actually really, I'll give 'em the sl slightest things to do, and I don't wanna waste your time.

[00:36:56] And I don't wanna waste my time. Like if I feel like you want me to fix you. I'm not a mechanic. You know, you've got all the tools, I'm gonna, I'll hand you some, but you gotta do the work. But it's the best job you'll ever have. Is taking care of yourself. So I get them into a place where, like I said, I, I don't, I don't, you know, I, I love doing, going in places and doing speaking 'cause I like cracking the egg, getting [00:37:30] people excited about possibility. know, I'm a, I love doing the hope, the hope dance, you know, so I give them hope. But, then I don't keep them forever because I don't, I want them to become. Them dependent and God dependent. I don't want them to depend on me. 'cause then you're just, you're not really healing your, your dealing

[00:37:53] Tiffanie: You are replacing.

[00:37:54] Hilary m powers: totally.

[00:37:55] 150%. And I wanna help you go, wow, I feel good about myself instead of, thank you so much. You've helped me. So like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Yeah, I know a little bit, but I don't want, I don't want, I don't want the fame. I don't want the fame. I know what the fame does. I've already, I've already had those cards and I've already healed those cards.

[00:38:21] Tiffanie: Yeah, literally.

[00:38:23] Hilary m powers: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So I usually do it, you know, I have a 12 week thing, I take 'em through and then they be, you know, and then I give them, call me anytime, you know. That'll kind of help you point yourself to the right direction or I'll, I'll help you figure out where you wanna go, where you need to go, but I'll get you back to stabilize so you can make some decisions.

[00:38:44] 'cause you already know the answers. God's in you. You already know the answers. Mm-hmm.

[00:38:52] Tiffanie: What would you tell somebody who's like, that's the first step they think, all right, I think I'm finally ready. What is the [00:39:00] first thing that they can do?

[00:39:02] Hilary m powers: Well, I would ask yourself, what am I willing to give up right now? If you're not willing to give anything up, you're not ready. simple. Like I was willing to give up anything. Everything, take it all. I don't care. I was willing to give it up. Everything I. Because you know that old saying, if nothing changes, nothing changes, duh. That's like 1 0 1. But if you are not willing to jump into that abyss and be excited about it, you're probably not gonna be willing to take two steps forward. So.

[00:39:42] Tiffanie: sense.

[00:39:42] Hilary m powers: Yeah, you just gotta be so sick and tired of yourself and so sick and tired of what you keep, because remember, you're producing all your, your fruit. Even the people you're like, but he came into my life. I don't know why I keep attracting that. 'cause you're the same person. Duh. You know?

[00:40:02] Tiffanie: Yep.

[00:40:03] Hilary m powers: And having somebody mirror it to you. We get a lot of people who, yes, us or insurance companies that pamper us or whatever. It's like, nah, babe, I'll tell you the truth, I will not sugarcoat it. I'll make it funny so you can start laughing at yourself. 'cause I laugh myself. I'm like, what? A bone head? Oh my God. Here I go again. Oopsie. And I also [00:40:30] name my character. I'm Hilary. My trauma is Helga Helga. she is a trip. So I can place it somewhere else and go, back. I'm not so attached to her. That makes sense?

[00:40:51] Tiffanie: I love that.

[00:40:53] Hilary m powers: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Name your poison baby. She's, my girls always say, what's your girl's name? Oh, she's, you know, Vanessa. I'm like, that's not a, she goes, oh, I hate that name.

[00:41:06] Something that you don't like, because that's the character you're gonna bring out. It's always that one. You go, God, why did I call him? Why did I do that? Why did I go to that place? Why did I drive drunk? Why did I don't care what it is. It's that. Name it. So you can start saying, okay, I brought her in. If I have the power to bring her in, I have the power to keep her out.

[00:41:39] Tiffanie: That's right,

[00:41:40] Hilary m powers: Mm-hmm. So girl power, we can do it Girls.

[00:41:46] Tiffanie: absolutely men. Some men need to do this too.

[00:41:49] Hilary m powers: no. I have many, many, I have a, a lot of over the years I get emails that go, Hey, remember I met you? We talked for a while. [00:42:00] You know? I'm like, oh, that's right. know? I'm married now with kids. I actually love my wife. I'm like, that's amazing. You know what I mean? Wow. You must love yourself. Because you can't bring in love unless you have love.

[00:42:19] Tiffanie: So true,

[00:42:21] Hilary m powers: Hmm, I know. Yeah. yeah. So that's my story.

[00:42:30] Tiffanie: Awesome. I mean, if somebody wanted to work with you, what's usually the best way to do so?

[00:42:35] Hilary m powers: Well, you can either get me on my, I have a website, hillary powers.com, and you can go on that or you can just do Hillary m Powers at gmail. You can contact me there. on pod match if you'd like me to. Chair or you know, I'm a keynote speaker, so I speak at colleges and I love talking to just that struggle where you're in that place where you're just like, where do I go now? I, I gotta drag all this garbage with me. No, you don't. I'll help you. We'll dump it. Let's dump that shit. so you can get me there, but, or LinkedIn. I'm also on LinkedIn,

[00:43:13] Tiffanie: Perfect. And you work with people all over the world.

[00:43:16] Hilary m powers: doesn't matter. We have Hello. Welcome to internet. I'm also a coach in I have, I'm with a company in France and Cannes, so I, I'll work for international people, so Yeah, it doesn't matter. [00:43:30] There's, wounded warriors out there all over. We're

[00:43:34] Tiffanie: Ain't that the truth?

[00:43:35] Hilary m powers: Yeah.

[00:43:38] Tiffanie: Yeah. Like we said earlier, it doesn't pick, you know, it doesn't matter what color, what sex, what you do for a living, it doesn't matter.

[00:43:46] Hilary m powers: It doesn't sit. No. Oh God, no. Live or die. That's all it knows. Yeah, it just doesn't care. It just does not care. I make a care. I make a good, bad black, white. It doesn't matter. It's going to, you know, energetically, you're either gonna go down or you're gonna go up. You gotta pick your poison.

[00:44:12] Tiffanie: Yeah. Choice is yours and only yours to make. Nobody can do it for you.

[00:44:16] Hilary m powers: Yeah. the good thing is, is I love working with people who are on that verge of saying, no. It's 'cause I, I love helping them see that. making yourself a victim. You can't get anywhere that way, sweetheart. But it's because, okay, I want you to list all the things, the reasons why. It's because how many times have you repeated the because cycle.

[00:44:44] Tiffanie: Right, right.

[00:44:45] Hilary m powers: Yeah, it's like that. That old saying, the resentment only happens one time. I only get mad once I keep thinking about it. I keep resending myself pain and misery and anger, pain and mis. I'm the one who [00:45:00] keeps redoing it and it what happens? I freeze. I'm, what's the matter? I'm really sad. Oh God. Stop thinking about it. You don't understand. It happened to me 42 years ago, girl. One time it happened. It happened one time. No, I keep reliving it. No, you keep reliving it. create a new life. And then

[00:45:30] Tiffanie: Ah, I love that.

[00:45:31] Hilary m powers: Yeah, and then you start seeing how ridiculous you're are. You're like, oh my. And then you start laughing at yourself. my God. I have la Some of this stuff I have done. I'm like, oh my God. Helga, what were you thinking?

[00:45:46] Tiffanie: Oh my God. Yeah. That's what I love about my show because I mean, I talked about to other survivors about, I mean, everything under the sun, unimaginable. But we still can sit and have a good conversation and laugh and kind of make jokes about like exactly what the hell was I thinking

[00:46:06] Hilary m powers: What was

[00:46:07] Tiffanie: like.

[00:46:07] Hilary m powers: Oh my God. What? What? I should have just put a gun to my head. What was I thinking? That was so painful. Oh my God. It's been a, it's been an incredible ride and it seems like everybody thinks well, your life is so perfect now. Dude, it's not perfect. Nothing is perfect. Perfect is when I'm outta here. [00:46:30] That's pure love. Right now I'm trying to figure out where I can get love. love. And so it's gonna be an imperfect journey. 'cause there's so many cracks in the wall in the road and in the side and the like. know, I still, I still can get up in the morning and Mike and I can go to sleep feeling amazing.

[00:46:50] And I wake up thinking, why am I here? I'm such a loser. I should have coulda, woulda, you know. And the other thing, I have the girl, the people I work with, they are not allowed to say, I know. Because when you say, you know, your mind closes so open mind you say, I know close mind, not allowed to say it around me. And they go, what am I supposed to say? Just go. Okay. Interesting. Hmm. Because now my mind's open to hear different possibilities because if I say, they say, you know, you shouldn't have hung out with.

[00:47:35] I know, I know. Boom. Close mind. I can't hear anything from that moment on. 'cause I'm defending myself. I'm back in trauma. Interesting.

[00:47:46] Tiffanie: I like that. Yeah, I never even thought of that.

[00:47:50] Hilary m powers: Mm-hmm. great? It works.

[00:47:53] Tiffanie: Yeah. No, I love that.

[00:47:56] Hilary m powers: Yeah. When you're accountable, you're in the moment. You're in the moment. You're in the [00:48:00] moment.

[00:48:01] Tiffanie: Right. Is there anything else that you wanted to add?

[00:48:05] Hilary m powers: No, I just think you're lovely. Thank you for being such a great host. That makes you feel comfortable. You're like, I know.

[00:48:13] Tiffanie: No, I'm not allowed Say that.

[00:48:16] Hilary m powers: I know. Yeah.

[00:48:20] Tiffanie: That is a pleasure having you on.

[00:48:22] Hilary m powers: awesome. Thank you. I really appreciate it. Is there anything you wanna ask me?