Strategies for Healing After Abuse and Trauma | Michael Unbroken

Michael Anthony talks about childhood trauma and how to overcome it

>> Michael Unbroken: Darkcast network.

>> Tiffanie: Welcome to the dark side of podcasts. Take responsibility of your life and you will take control of your life. Hello and welcome. Welcome back. This is true crime connections and I'm Tiffany, your host. Today we are going to teach you how to change your mindset when it comes to trauma recovery, especially childhood trauma. And I can't think of anyone better to have come talk with us then Michael Anthony, better known as Michael unbroken from the founder of Think Unbroken. So I want to thank you so much for being here with me today.

>> Michael Unbroken: Yeah, no doubt. I'm happy to be here with you.

>> Tiffanie: I'm also a product of generational trauma, so I understand, like, this is important work. It's so important.

>> Michael Unbroken: Yeah, I, ah mean, somebody's got to do it, right?

>> Tiffanie: Well, yeah, I mean, we're all a little bit. Well, we're unbroken. I don't want to say we're a little broken, but yeah, we all have shit to work on. So I just want to give people a little background on you. Why, you know, you're able to talk on such topics because clearly you have to come from trauma to speak from trauma. At the age of four, mother cut off your right index finger. At six, you were hospitalized by your stepfather. At seven, you were molested by a church member. Why does it always happen in the church? I do not understand. you're homeless from eight to twelve and obviously that's when you turn to drugs, alcohol. At 25, you know, you found yourself obese, smoking a lot, drinking, just living life. What was your final turning point? When did you say, this shit is not working for me anymore?

>> Michael Unbroken: Yeah, I mean, here, here's. I think about this a lot, right? And I mean, people listening are probably having like a holy shit moment. but, you know, everyone's experience in life is so different. Like, I don't relate to you. I don't know what you've been through. I don't know your story, your journey, your pain, your suffering. And so I always tell people, don't compare yourself to me because we don't have the same experiences. And so I don't want people to hear what you just said and be like, oh my God, like, his was so bad. I can't possibly relate where it's like, yeah, but I don't know your shit. And that could have been way worse than what I went through. You know, when I was 25 and I had kind of built this life that I think a lot of people would dream of having. You know, I was making multiple six figures working at a fortune ten company. I, you know, which I don't even have a high school diploma, so that in its own right is pretty insane. I was 350 pounds, smoking two packs a day, drinking myself to sleep. I was cheating on my girlfriend. I was $50,000 in debt. I was living paycheck to paycheck, making 200 grand a year, right? I was really in just, like, the worst kind of way in all capacities of my life. And one day, I called my little brother. He had been home from Afghanistan in the middle east for about four months, and I had not gone to his welcome back. I had not talked to him. I had not connected with him. And I call him because now I'm, like, starting to, like, show up in my life and do the work, and I'm like, I'm going to therapy, and I'm trying to go to the gym, and I'm working on this fucking smoking and drugs and women thing. Then I was like, I'm going to call my brother. And so I call him at the gym. I'll never forget this. I called him sitting at the gym, and I go, hey, man, what's up? He's like, what do you want? And I was like, hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing, man. What's going on? He goes, you're not my brother. Never talk to me again. And that was really, just like, a really, really difficult moment for me. And it got me thinking. I was like, dude, you don't show up. You're never present. You don't give a fuck about anybody. You only care about yourself. Now, obviously, in that moment, I didn't understand the tremendous impact of my childhood. Like, I always was just like, I got to go figure out life on my own. Anybody who gets in my way is going to get bulldozed. And that worked really well until it didn't. And so a couple days later, I'm laying in bed. It's 1011 o'clock in the morning. I'm smoking a joint, eating chocolate cake, and watching the Crossfit games. And it's like, dude, what the fuck are you doing with your life? And I pulled myself up out of bed, and I went and looked in the mirror, and I just asked myself this question. I was like, what are you willing to do to have the life that you want to have? And then I don't know where this came from. God, Mother Nature, Batman. The answer was no excuses, just results. And for 14 years, that's how I've lived my life. And it's not that I don't still fuck up because I'm a human, because trust me, that I do. But, you know, that moment with my little brother was the thousandth straw on the camel's back. It wasn't enough to tell my girlfriend and get busted cheating. It wasn't enough to have debt collectors calling me and can't pay my bills. It's not enough that the car got repoed. It's not enough that my friends don't talk to me. It's not. And, like, it was just fucking pure chaos. And it wasn't until, like, I really had to take a look at my life. And I realized that because I was playing a victim and blaming the world, which, by all rights, fuck, I should, you know? But I. That's where it got me. And in that moment, I was just like, we're gonna do something different, right?

>> Tiffanie: I mean, you have done amazing things, and so. I mean, I think you are amazing.


To come from such a shamed childhood to inspire others is incredible

So to come from such a shit show childhood to being able to now inspire other people to want to change their lives, that is incredible. Like, that's a gift. It's really.

>> Michael Unbroken: Yeah. I mean, I don't. I don't even, you know, the. The first guy who ever asked me to help him, I told him no. You know what I mean? You know, I'm just a writer. You know, I'm just writing and sharing shit on the Internet. And some dude hits me up, he's like, will you help me? I was like, fuck, no, I'm not helping you. I can't even fucking help myself. And then, you know, now it's. I've coached thousands of people around the world, won awards, like, spoken on the biggest stages, billboards and Times Square podcast books, blah, blah, blah. And. And it was, you know, I just kind of realized one day where I was like, you might as well do something with all this, you know? And that's really what it was. I was like, you might as well do something with this, because if you can create a world where another kid doesn't have a crazy, fucked up, story like yours, well, at least you might have made some of this bullshit worth it.

>> Tiffanie: Well, right? I mean, think of how many people come from fucked up families and shit. Like, we're all walking around, we're all holding this to ourselves. And some are a lot more destructive than others, but you have to learn how to accept who you really are and, you know, find self love and do all that. I do. I.


You said that buying a course for $50 changed your life

So I watched your tiktoks. I've been following you on social media for a little while now, and you said that you had bought a course for, like, $50, and, like, that course really changed things for you.

>> Michael Unbroken: Yeah. so shout out Brendan Burchard, my first mentor, the first man that really spoke into me. you know, and even through him. What's so interesting? I have such great friends because of Brendan. So, you know, I was 50 grand in debt. I mean, I was dead broke. A business had failed. I didn't have any money. I was literally borrowing money from my girlfriend who lived with me to pay our rent. I was trying to make this business that I was running work, and, you know, just. It was chaos. You can't. You can't function in the space that I was in. I mean, I was having fucking five panic attacks a day. You know, like, it was crippled. My life was completely crippling at this phase of my life. I was, like, 27, and, you know, I was, like, online, and I saw this ad come across for this course, and I don't even remember what it was, to tell you the truth. I mean, this was, like, fucking 13 years ago. And I was looking down at my shoes, and I was thinking to myself, dude, you got on $350 Jordans right now, and you care more about your shoes than you care about your own life. And I took that credit card. I was like, fuck it. I'm already 50 grand in debt. What's another $50? And I bought that course. And that didn't change my life. Right. That core. I don't even remember what was in that course. It might have been like a time management course or some bullshit like that. And. And what it was, though, it was the first time I invested in myself, like, really invested in myself when I had to. And that just kind of opened up my mind, because, you know, when you grow up in the hood and people celebrate the first and the 15th and celebrate being on the government stamp and, you know, winning over on people and taking advantage of people and hustling people, you know, believing in yourself isn't a, conversation we have. Investing in yourself is in a conversation we have, like, putting yourself in a position to be successful without hurting people in the way. I never heard that. And so when I bought this course, it was very much this moment of realizing, like, okay, wait a second. You've got to bet on yourself. Because I've done some other things. I mean, I definitely. It was like I was reading books. I was listening to online shows before they were podcasts. I was watching shark tank every single day. Like, I was, like, kind of immersed in, like, this entrepreneurial journey. And I have been, because I've been entrepreneur most of my life, but it was really more of, like, in that moment, like, really recognizing the value that I had to put on myself. And it's. And it's the thing that when people come and work with me in coaching, that they're doing, too, because I don't. I don't coach people for free. I mean, I've done 800 episodes of my own podcast. My book is free. My time is not free, though. Like, you can go learn. You could change your whole life if you go and just do the free shit. But you know as well as I do, people don't do anything if it's free. It's just our nature. And so when people come in and, they pay to be coached, the thing that they're doing that most of them don't understand that they're doing is they're betting on themselves. And I'm just like a proctor in that, right? And in fact, what's crazy, just a couple weeks ago, one of my clients, her partner was about to leave her, and now he proposed to her. Another one of my clients is working this job dead end, stuck, feeling tortured. And just this week, they just got a promotion into a position where they're making, like, double the salary with more freedom than they've ever had. And the thing that happens when people invest in themselves, especially with a guy like me, is I'm just going to help you uncover who the fuck you are and then help you step into it and avoid, hopefully, a lot of the traps that I've fallen into. But it always starts with that first investment, whether it's $5 or 50 or 5000 or 50,000, right? All of the above I've invested in myself over the years. It's really about one thing. Do you care about yourself more than you care about your shoes?

>> Tiffanie: I love that because that's real. That's some real shit, you know? I mean, you didn't have to take that. Look at you and your shoes, and you could have kept trucking on the way that you were going, and you finally decided enough is fucking enough. Where what, happens when somebody doesn't know where to fucking start? Like, they have no clue. They know something's wrong, they need to work on it, but they have no clue where to even start.

>> Michael Unbroken: well, I don't think you have an excuse anymore. I mean, we have the Internet. I mean, if you asked me that question, like, ten years ago, I'd probably give you a different answer, but today it's like, use google, dude. The fuck are you doing? I'm serious. Like, what do I do? My life's a disaster.com, right? And it's like, well, to be an honor, to be forthright, like, I think the most important thing that anyone can do is they have to be honest with themselves. Like, you have got to stop lying. You've got to stop lying. And the thing that people do that they don't understand when it comes to lying is it's a protective mechanism. Like, if you've been through trauma, if you've been through shit like I've been through, and you're sitting in rooms with police as a child, and they're asking you how you got these bruises and these cuts and these burns. And you say, well, I fell down or accidentally cut, touched the stove, or I was riding my bike. And you're covering up for your mom and your stepdad and your. And your community and your teachers and your friends and the church people. It's this really weird mechanism for survival. Because the most dangerous thing that a lot of kids can do in childhood is tell the truth. And I learned that the hard way, because the first time I told the truth about what was happening in my house at, school one day when I literally physically couldn't sit down, my teacher came to my fucking house. Kudos to this woman. Like, this is a g move. She, like, comes to my house. My mom answers the door, says whatever bullshit my mom comes up with.


Most childhood trauma survivors lie for survival, right?

And she tells me, when you. When your stepdad gets home, you, you're paying for this. And, like, he beat the shit out of me. And I learned to become a liar. And I will tell you right now, I'm the greatest liar of all time. I am the kobe bryant of liars, because I had to learn how to really leverage that as a survival tool. And most childhood trauma survivors do. You have to lie for salvation, for preservation, for even what little bit of autonomy that you get. And here's the bad side about that. Now you start to become a chameleon, right? You show me a kid who had trauma as a kid, and I will show you they had no friends. I will show you that they were awkward. I will show you their learning disabilities. I will show you their inability to connect. I will show you how they pretended to be everything else so people would like them. I, will show you how they turn to be codependent people. I will show you how they became people who cannot make decisions. And I will show you how. They're liars. And it's all because they were trying to survive. And that's what's so fucked up about it, because they weren't doing anything wrong to begin with. And then now they're 2236-4758 years old. They have no fucking clue who they are. They have no identity. They sabotage everything they touch. They rise a little bit, and then they fall even higher. And then every single time, they start to touch the reality that they want to have, because their emotional home is bathed in chaos. They burn it all down, and they do it again and again and again. And then they're sitting here looking barrel of a gun, being like, fuck it. Life is so hard. And the thing that they don't understand is that if they just started telling the truth, their life would be different. And so, starting point, it's like, well, where do you begin, motherfucker? Stop lying. That's where you begin. Because that is the place in which, for the first time, you create autonomy and sovereignty in your life to become the person that you truly are. And in that process, what will begin to shape and take place is you'll start to do the fucking shit that you're supposed to be doing. And. And this is very difficult, because you've never done this before. So you have no baseline for it. You have no framework for it. It's scary. It's terrifying. It's boundaries. It's. No, it's. Yes, I want this. I want that. you know, it's really interesting. I had one of my clients who we, were having this conversation, and she brought something up, and in passing, no one would pick this up. But I know the behavior, because I've done it. And I asked her a question. I said, when you go to a restaurant and they fuck your food up, what do you do? She goes, I eat it. And I go, what if you hate it? What if it's terrible? What if you feel like it's poison? She goes, I'll eat it. And I go, that's exactly right. And that's what you've been doing your whole life. You've been fucking eating it. And then a couple weeks ago, we're in our group session, and she goes, I sent back the salad the other day. For the first time in my life, I was like, good. I do it again and again and again. And it has nothing to do with the food, by the way, has everything to do with your autonomy as a human being. And so what starts to transpire is a lot of different things. One, first and foremost, as you begin to tell the truth, more and more people are not going to like you for a period of time. You have to pay the taxes for your own behaviors. And that's very, very difficult, because what's going to happen is you have to unravel all these yarns that you've spun about who you are, what you represent, and there is a price to pay for that. And here's the hard part again. I will even give you this one. Not your fault. You are behaving in this way that's necessary for survival. And then you say, well, what do I do? Where do I begin? You start telling the truth. And now, all of a sudden, as you're telling the truth, people are like, fuck you. You're a liar. And then you're having that conversation with yourself. You're like, fuck, man, I'm a liar. I'm a fraud, this and that, this and that. And then eventually, that starts to dissipate. You start to kind of transform into the person that you're capable of being. And over a long enough period of time, what begins to happen is you become you. But it all starts there. Tell the fucking truth.

>> Tiffanie: Right? And so many times, that's so hard to do because when you've been lying to yourself for so long, it's like you. You kind of don't want to see the truth.


Looking in the mirror when I was 20, almost 26 years old was transformative

So, yeah, that's. That's a hard place to start, but it's. It's so important. Is that, like, kind of like your mirror moment that you talk about when you, like, physically look at yourself and be like, okay, let's. Let's get real.

>> Michael Unbroken: Yeah, a lot of that. And, you know, I. Looking in that mirror when I was 20, almost 26 years old, it was. I went to war with myself. I'm not going to sugarcoat this. That was not a nice moment. It was not a good moment at all. It was me looking at myself in the mirror, being like, you're a fucking bitch. You're a liar. You're a piece of shit. Like, I went hard on myself. And the reason why if you grew up like I do, I didn't need coddling. I didn't need somebody like, oh, my God, I'm m so sorry. Life was so hard. Like, my mom cut my fucking finger off. I don't need you to hug me, all right? I need somebody put their foot in my ass and, like, get your shit together. And that's what I did for myself in that moment. You may need that, though, let's be clear. Right. And that's not even my approach with most people. That was my approach with myself, right. So you've got to understand something. Like, at that phase of my life, like, I was about to either die or. Or kill someone, I needed, like, a, what's that tv show? They used to take kids to jail and make them, like, look at people.

>> Tiffanie: And scare them straight.

>> Michael Unbroken: Yeah. I needed that moment for myself. Right. I needed to scare myself straight and be like, all right, motherfucker, you did this. And, like, as I was looking in the mirror, the thing that happened is I just realized that I was just lying to myself, and I was just lying to myself and lying to myself and pretending to be everything everyone wanted me to be. And I was so codependent, and it was so yes to everything everyone wanted me to do. Like, it was so much like, I will be whatever you need to be, for the love of God, like me. And then that's how I started showing up in friendships and relationships and business and being really just kind of like a scummy person. but just modeling what I'd grown up in and, like, having that recognition and that looking in the mirror, what that did for me, more so than probably anything has ever done for me, for me, is it finally gave me the space to acknowledge the reality that I created, not the fiction that I was living in. And that is a baseball bat to the face.

>> Tiffanie: Right. it's a lot easier to lie to yourself rather than face the ugly truth, because there's reasons why we are the way we are. There's reasons why we do the shit we do. It's. A lot of it is unconscious. We don't even understand where it comes from. It's not until you really dive deep and start to uncover yourself and what has made you who you are.


M, you said that you've tried different modalities for healing

M, you said that you've tried different modalities, like, for healing and everything. What worked for you and what didn't work for you?

>> Michael Unbroken: Yeah, I've kind of tried everything. I mean, so at 29, just things were not working. Like, it was just all the things I was trying, like, nothing was changing. I was super sick. I was so stressed, like, five panic attacks a day trying to make it work in that relationship, rebuilding my brotherhood with my brothers, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, there's something that I'm just missing here. And I realized that I was like, I have to leave Indiana because I grew up in Indianapolis. I was like, I gotta leave this place. I think that one of the biggest things that you can do in your healing journey is leave the place that caused all the damage. Like, it's like, think about this for a second. If you were in war and they blew up your whole city, you're going to leave the city. But people stay, and they're triggered constantly by the smells, the environments, the weather, the streets, the, you know, all the things. I'm like, you got to get out. So at 29, because, my car had been repoed, I had no money. I had $500 to my name. Still in debt, by the way. I packed a rental car, left my girlfriend, and drove across the country to Oregon with no place to live, no game plan, no job, and $500 saying to myself, going to go and work with this therapist who I think can help me. And that's what I did. And so this idea about no excuses, just results. Like, I live that shit. I'm not just saying it to say it. Those aren't just fluffy words. And that's what I did. And I end up going out there, and I'm like, okay, let me try whatever it takes. And at one point, I mean, this is, what was this? 20, 2016, I think 2015, maybe. I had. I was. Shit was not working. I even posted on Facebook. I was like, can somebody let me borrow $150 so I can go to therapy this week? You know? And, like, that's a real moment. Like, that's some real shit right there. And. And what happened in that is, you know, slowly I just started to unravel all the things. So I tried. Name a modality. I'm not even joking. Name it. I've tried it, and I've done CBT, Emdr, NLP, Reiki, Gestalt, bodywork, rolfing, ah, myofascial release. I did every kind of plant medicine under the sun. I've done all the things. Hundreds of thousands of dollars, tens of thousands of hours coaching, podcasts, books, conferences, events, aA, NSA, you know, all the A's. I've done all the things. It was just like, I'm just gonna keep trying. I'm just gonna keep trying no matter what. Even if I think it's woo woo, sound bowl, meditation, gong meditation, cold bass, hot baths, like, everything. Like, I just kept going. And because I was so driven, I was like, I'm gonna get somewhat whatever I believe to be normal. And that's just what I kept going. And you know what I will say, because you asked me very specifically question, not everything works, and not everything doesn't work. And I think you've got to find the thing that feels right for you. And I think you got to be cautious too, because there's a lot of woo woo bullshit out there. Like, I'm sorry, your astral projection calendar is not going to change your fucking life. So throw that in the trash can and stop being. And I think that people hold on to a lot of things because they so desperately want something to work. And I think the greatest thing that I did, without question, and I would say this, if I could go back in time, I would have hired a coach before I hired a therapist, because the thing that I needed was behavioral changes. I needed something to hold on to, to, like, create shift immediately. And I think it would have exponentiated the speed of transformation with therapy. But ultimately, I had an amazing therapist who really changed my life because he had been down the dark path that I had been down, and he had come out. And what you need this is, this is the cornerstone of all of this. If you really want to change your life and heal in this journey, you've got to do it with people who have been through what you've been through. You cannot go to the fucking Ivy League grad who just happens to really be interested in childhood trauma, who grew up with no problems at all. Because those people exist, by the way. And I'm not saying they're not helpful, but I'm saying if you grew up in a fucking chaotic, unbelievable war of a childhood, you can't go to the guy whose mom hugged him every day and said, go get it, tiger. Right? So you go sit in hell with the people who've been in hell, and they will help show you heaven.

>> Tiffanie: I m love that. Yeah. Just, there's so many therapists out there also that aren't trauma educated. They have no trauma background. And that blew my mind. I did some research, and it's actually, like, not even part of their curriculum, which I don't understand how you're supposed to help people when you don't understand what they've been through. So it's. It's important. Absolutely.


You do one on one coaching and then you do group coaching

So you do a lot of coaching now, how many people do you coach in a session?

>> Michael Unbroken: So I do one on one coaching, and then I do group coaching also.

>> Tiffanie: Gotcha. And I saw that you'll either. You'll meet with them in person if they're, like, in your city, or it's over Zoom or whatever platform that they prefer.

>> Michael Unbroken: Yeah. Yeah. Well, not that they prefer. It's my business and my time. So whatever. I prefer, let's be very clear about that. but, yeah, you know, it's, you know, we do different things for different people, and some people really need, private. You know, I've worked with executives of huge companies. I've worked with celebrities I've worked with, and you will never know because I will never tell you their names. And, you know, then I have group coaching where we have a bunch of people in there every week. And, you know, it really just depends on who you are and what you need in your journey, you know?

>> Tiffanie: Right, right. I mean, no two people are going to need the same thing for the most part, so.

>> Michael Unbroken: Yeah. And, you know, I always encourage everybody who I work with to join the group program. You know, we meet every Monday night, and it's. It's a place of learning, of connection of all the things that one needs in this process. and I think that that's a really important element. And I created the group program because I've probably gotten the most benefit in my life through my groups that I'm a member of. Right. And I think there's just something about the communal aspect that people need to leverage virtually, or in person, because that's the world we live in, and we need human connection.

>> Tiffanie: I think it's important also for people to realize that you're not alone. Like, I have so many guests that come on my show that have been through some horrible things, and they literally thought there were no resource resources out there. They literally thought they were the only ones going through it, and that's just not the case. And it's so important to know that for sure.

>> Michael Unbroken: Yeah, well, I mean, there's fucking 8 billion people on planet Earth. To feel like you're alone is a super selfish thought. You know what I mean? And. And I know that's an odd way to phrase it, but it's something to consider. If you think you're alone amongst 8 billion people, maybe you're a narcissist. But, like. No, but serious. Like, it's really. You got to kind of look at life and. And go to the place where the people are. And I've said this for years, if you don't have a community, go build one. Like, my closest friends, my. My. My group, my peer. I built my community. I went out and found my people. I, made them part of my life. I said, hey, let's go get coffee, let's get dinner. Let's go to this event. Let's hop on a call. Let's. Let's connect here. Let's do this thing. you know, in communities required, go join a gym that has group fitness. Go join crossFit. Even if you can't lift or run, who gives a shit? Go join a, yoga practice. Go join the knitting club or bowling league. Like, if you're alone, it's your fault. I'm sorry. I know that's harsh. No, nobody wants to hear that. But you don't understand what I've been through. Cool, great. I get it. It's your fault. Go do something about it. Right? And what will happen is, as you're. As you do that, you will feel more human. Now, let's say, fine, I'll give you another example. People are like, yeah, but I have all of these anxiety issues and blah, blah, blah about people. Cool. Get it? Yeah. I had five panic attacks a day for four years. I understand anxiety. Trust me, I do. why don't you go volunteer? Why don't you stop being so selfish and feeling like you're the only person in the world that matters and go help people who are less fortunate? When I'm really in my shit and I'm really, like, feeling fucked up about the world because, again, I'm human. Nothing's better than going and standing in the Las Vegas rescue mission serving children who are four years old food and for the first meal of their day, because I've been in that room and I've been that child, and I know I need that reminder, because life isn't all fucking, you know, speaking on stages and podcasting like, there's real shit out here. And if you feel alone, it's because you're choosing to be alone. Somebody could use your help and your guidance. And even though it's hard, you need to stop being a fucking baby. You need to stop being a child and grow up and do what grown ups do. And that is a part of reparenting. That is a part of the healing journey of, like, taking a very hard look at your life, being truthful with yourself again, this is all about honesty and putting aside your ego and your need to be in your suffering as a victim and choose a different path. And this is. This is why people push back at me, because they're like, you're so harsh. I'm like, I'm not harsh. I'm only telling you the truth. It may seem harsh because everybody's bullshit you for the last 20 years. And so I can get why it seems harsh, but the reality is, and you know this, nobody has changed. Nobody.


Why do people quit decision making because it's not easy

I'm not coming to knock on your door. Hey, I know. Life's so hard. You want some coaching? Take care of yourself. Do what someone who cares about themselves would do. And even if you don't, pretend like you do for 20 minutes and see how your life becomes death. Rise.

>> Tiffanie: It's all about mindset. It really is. It has a, huge part to do with it, I should say. I mean, obviously, there's a lot of work that goes into it, and I think people quit because it's not easy. It's hard to look at yourself and to look at all your flaws and to look at what you need to change. You know, it's hard to get out of your own head. Like, how do you help people get out of their head? Like, I feel like sometimes my head is, like, my worst enemy. Like, how the, Do you change that?

>> Michael Unbroken: Yeah. Why are you trusting your brain? That's my first question. Right. I've had the really true benefit of interviewing the greatest minds in the world, and I always pose this question to them. Same question you just asked me. And we all are in agreement about one thing. I've interviewed Doctor Gabor, mate. Caroline, leaf, Judd Brewer. I mean, God, all of them. I could name fucking 100 people, right? Who are these specialists and these expert at mental health? And we all agree your brain is a liar. The brain serves one purpose in life, survival. But for what purpose? What purpose are you surviving? To procreate. Because at the end of the day, again, we're just naked monkeys running around trying to hump each other, pretending like we know what the fuck we're doing, right? Like, that's the truth of it. And we want to pretend. We're, like, so sophisticated. No, we're not. No, we're not. Because I've seen you eat food. You know what I mean? I've seen the way you interact with people in the streets, your weird, gross desires, which I'm not shaming, by the way, but that's the reality. And we try to button up our shirts and put our ties on and walk outside and be like, oh, we're fucking. We got it all figured out. We don't. We don't. And so we try to. We leverage our brain. We make. We have decision making fatigue constantly. Because you're overthinking worst case scenario, because what you're really trying to do is survive, right? So you're over analyzing. You're assessing the environment. You're looking at everything at all times, trying to figure out what I do. And it's like, just make a fucking decision. That's what you do. That's what you actually do. The greatest. I mean, this junior, the greatest entrepreneurs in the world, the greatest change makers, the greatest leaders, the greatest. Everyone at everything ever does one thing better than everyone else, and that's they make a decision, m. And then they do the thing that they decided. Because even if you're going in the wrong direction, at least you're going in a direction right. Trust me, I've made wrong decisions. I've gotten in the wrong direction. I've been, like, fucking 100 steps into it, and like, ah, that was wrong. And then you're like, cool. At least I know that was wrong. Let's go this way. Inaction is death. Like, it really, truly is, because in this journey, you need momentum. Because ultimately, the thing that you're trying to do and why people struggle so much with the decision making is self doubt. They don't believe in themselves. They don't trust themselves enough to make the decision for themselves because they're not leveraging the evidence that they have that they're capable. What instead they're doing is they're leveraging everyone who told them they don't matter. They're not important, they're not going to be shit. They're dumb, they're stupid, they're fat, they're ugly. That's my experience, right? I'm sitting here looking at my life at 25 years old. I'm fat, I'm stupid, I'm dumb, I'm feeling ugly. I'm in debt, not taking care of myself. I'm living into what everyone else told me to be on the backside. You fast forward a whole bunch of years, it's like, boom, I'm on billboards in Times Square, right? You don't. You don't do that without making decisions that lead you down that path. Right? You don't become the trauma coach without making decisions that lead you down that path. You don't create change in your life. And the same little brother who said, never talk to me again helps you load your tv in the truck to drive from Denver to Las Vegas when you decide to move without making decisions, right? And so what it's really about is when you're in your head, you have to recognize that it's really only the purpose of survival that your brain's even for. And you've got to get into your body, and that's a very somatic experience, to connect yourself to your body, to feel present within yourself, to then leverage your decision making capabilities to then take action. And what happens is you've got to be pointed in a direction, right? And you've got to get clarity about what you want. And you'll be like, well, I don't know what I want.


You can't build confidence without first having safety in your physical body and mental needs

I'm like, yes, you do. You just need to sit down and shut up long enough for it to come up to the surface. And then you need to write it down and stare at it nakedly and decide if that's the thing that you want to move to. And when it does become that thing, what you inevitably have to do is, like, focus on that daily with massive intent. And this is why. Because a ship with no compass will land on any island. And so people are like, well, I decided, but I was trying to do this, and I was over here, and then I got distracted, and then next thing you know, I'm over here, and then next thing, I was doing this, and then the thing that I wanted isn't even happening anymore. And you take these goals, these dreams, these ideals that you have about who you want to be, and you write them down and you read them every day. You put them on your bathroom mirror, you put them on the whiteboard at the office. You put them on a post it note on your car, because where attention goes, energy follows. Everyone knows that that's not a me thing. Everyone knows that I didn't make that up. It's reality. Right? And so as you get out of your head, you get clarity. You focus, you make a decision, you move forward, you take action, you build momentum. On a long enough timeline, you're going to create this thing called confidence. And confidence is the thing that we need to build our identity. Right? But you can't get to confidence without first having safety in your physical body, your emotional self, your sexual self, your home, your food, and your basic needs. You cannot build confidence if those things aren't locked in. And so if you're like, fuck, I'm broke and I'm fat, and I'm not taking care of myself, don't worry about confidence yet. Don't worry about your dreams and your goals, because you're not going to do it in that physical shape, that mental shape, that capacity. You start where you're at. It's good to have those. It's good to think about them and get clarity. But step one is always step one. Right? As I sit here in front of you, I'm not 350 pounds anymore. I don't smoke two packs a day. I don't get drunk every night. I don't cheat on my girlfriend. I'm not $50,000 in debt. I had. It's one day at a time. But this thing that people leverage as an excuse is I'm m all up in my head. It's like. Yes, because you've always been up in your head. And the moment that you're trying to create change in your life, it's not working because you haven't paused long enough to decide who the fuck you want to be. You're just like. You're like a, fucking squirrel outside just going, And what you really need to do is just sit and then decide and then take action.

>> Tiffanie: Absolutely.


People are more afraid of success than they are a failure, right

I think also people are scared of failing. They're scared of failure. Good. But if you don't even try, you already failed.

>> Michael Unbroken: You should be failing all the time. You really should. But here's why, okay, let's play this out, right? So why are people afraid of failure? Judgment, shame, guilt. Being ostracized. Feeling like not enough, like they don't matter. Like they're not worthy. People leverage their whole. You see this all the time with. With, like, world champion athletes. The first time they lose a championship. For some people, it's game over. All they had in their identity was, I'm a champion, and they can't handle failure. You see this all the time. I see it in, like, in my business. I see it in any business I've ever consulted with. I see it in clients. I see it in everybody. You got to be willing to fail constantly, frequently, every day, because that's where, a, that's where, like, the learning is. But b, also, like, let's think about this. What's actually the fear of failure? It's, It's not feeling like enough. like that's really the thing that's tied into it. It's self doubt, right?

>> Tiffanie: Absolutely.

>> Michael Unbroken: The real. The real worst case scenario of life is death. Anything shy of that, like, who gives a shit? Go get your ass up and keep going. And I know that feels, like, intense. Good. It should be. Get the fuck up. Stop being a victim. Because, look, you can be a victim to yourself often. We're our own worst enemies. We really are. And life, as I've come to discover, life is just the movie, okay? That's all life is, is this weird ass movie. But here's what's fascinating about life. When the credits roll, like, in all the names are next to the jobs. All the names are your name. Director. You're the director of your life. Writer. You're the writer of your life actor. You're the actor of your life. You create everything that's in front of you. You choose the path that you take, and then you take the action. This is like, mindset. Is this what you think becomes what you speak? What you speak become your actions. Your actions become your reality, right? And so you have to choose the role you're going to play in your own movie. Are you going to be the villain? Are you going to be the victim? Or are you going to be the hero? But you got to decide, right?

>> Tiffanie: Nobody can decide it for you. Do you ever have anyone come see you that say, like, they're afraid to.

>> Michael Unbroken: Succeed every single day? Constantly. It's the number one fear. People are more afraid of success than they are a failure because that is their emotional home. And they've been told, you don't deserve it so many times that they believe it. When, when I'm working with people, I tell them very, very clearly, exactly like I'm about to say, I'm about to brainwash you because your brain is dirty and it's full of lies and bullshit. And you've believed those lives and bullshit to the point where you have nothing. And success is so scary to you because then that means you are something. And your whole life you've been told you don't matter, you're not important, go fuck yourself. And then you're like, okay, cool, well, how's that working out for you? Believing those lies, that indoctrination, that programming you add in? I mean, God, you stack in physical trauma, mental trauma, emotional trauma, religious trauma, sexual trauma. You had all these things up. You got a great concoction for failure, lack of belief, self doubt, no confidence. And people come up to me all the time. They're like, why are you so confident? I'm like, because I fucking earned it. Because I've done the hard things, and I still do the hard things, by the way. I didn't just sit here one day like, I'm gonna go coach people. I didn't even want this job, tell you the truth. I told the first guy no. And. And I just have always felt that if you can leverage, and I even did this as a kid, I have always felt if you can leverage your own proof, nobody can say shit. You know what I'm saying? We've all done great thing. You've done great things. I know you have because you wouldn't be here without having done so. But the thing that people forget is they forget what they've done. And they focus on what they quote unquote. Can't do.


Success only comes to those who don't quit, right?

My thesis on life is very simple. You can't do everything that I will tell you upfront. You can't. You really have to focus in a zone of genius and you have to leverage it and move towards it, right? But on a long enough timeline, whatever that thing is that you want to do, if you don't quit, you cannot lose. And it's really about you've got to keep going and get little wins along the way. Because success, success is so subjective, right? Success is different for everyone. Like, I don't. For me instance, I don't want to be a billionaire. Like, I have no interest in that. Like, I don't want the pain of whatever comes with that. Because I have friends who are. Billionaires are miserable. I don't want that life. Right? What I want is what I want. And what you want is what you want. And you're the only person who to decide that in your health, your wealth and your relationships, and you've got to make a decision to become that person. And you may not yet, keyword yet, be capable of being that person. And that's okay, because you got the rest of your life to figure this shit out. You know, one of my, my biggest dreams is I, want to buy this incredible lake house that is like three stories, floor to ceiling windows, five car garage. The whole night is beautiful. Like, I saw this lake house. I don't know what it would cost today, but when I saw it originally a few months ago, it was $4.5 million. Okay? By the time I buy that lake house, it could be $25 million. I don't know. I have no idea. And I want to have a wife, and I want to have a family, and I want to have a great friend group. And I want to be a New York Times bestselling author multiple times. I don't want to, you know, be in the same names as the Tony Robbins and the Eric Thomases and all these guys, because these are my dreams. If none of that shit happens to I'm 80 years old and I die the next day, still did it, didn't I? And that's the game. Like, that's the game. Like, that's the thing people have to understand. This is an infinite game that requires you to be very patient, even though it's uncomfortable. And it's about moving with an ungodly amount of speed and focus in the micro and in the macro, being ungodly patient. Because I'm going to tell you right now, I thought I'd be so much further ahead than when I am right now. And look where I'm at now. Like, that's what's so crazy to me.

>> Tiffanie: Me too.

>> Michael Unbroken: So what the thing is that people really need to pay attention to is that success only comes to those who don't quit. And if you're scared of that, good. You should be. Because the only way you're going to be successful is you have to shed the identity of the person that you used to become. Used to be. To become the person that you're capable of becoming.

>> Tiffanie: Absolutely. A lot of things I also say is, like, you're allowed to have bad days. You know, people be like, oh, I'm supposed to be on this healing journey and everything's supposed to be great. No, no, it doesn't work that way. You're still going to have bad days. You're still going to have intrusive thoughts here and there. That's completely normal.

>> Michael Unbroken: Yeah, yeah. Look, I mean, Monday. Monday I woke up. I was so fucking dissociated. Like, just straight out of bed. I had to go to every tool in my toolbox on Monday morning. Like, Monday was a hard fucking day. Very difficult. And there's even moments where I have thoughts about, like, imposter syndrome and am I. Should I, can I. Whatever. And I'm like, shut the fuck up and do it anyway. Like, it really does become that, that kind of conversation with myself. I'm like, just shut the fuck up and just go do it. And that's the game for me. That's the game. I don't, I don't. Again, I'm not going to coddle myself into success. Like, sometimes you really gotta. Those intrusive shot thoughts come up and I'm like, whose voice is going to be louder? And that's, that's it. Like, whose voice is going to be louder?

>> Tiffanie: Yes. I love that. Shut that voice up. It's not doing you any good. Absolutely. I, love it.


You had attempted suicide a few times and were happy that it did not succeed

I do have a question. So I know you had attempted suicide a few times when that obviously did not succeed. Were you happy that you did not succeed?

>> Michael Unbroken: I was indifferent to it, to tell you the truth, because that's what happened. Like, you don't care if you live or you die.

>> Tiffanie: Gotcha.

>> Michael Unbroken: You know.

>> Tiffanie: When they realize they were.

>> Michael Unbroken: Yeah. So, yeah, I hear that all the time. And I've talked to some of those people and I was just like, whatever. And to tell you the truth, I still feel the same about death today. I'm like, whatever. And here's why. And this is a me specific thing. Like, when we die, we turn to dust. Do we turn to star dust? I don't know, but we turn to dust and you're gone. And none of this will actually matter. You know what I mean? None of it will actually matter. But the most important thing that I think about today on a daily basis is how am I showing up, up today in this moment? How am I living? How am I supporting people? How am I, being with my friends, with the intimate partners in my life, how am I like being me? That's what matters to me. Because death is inevitable and I'm not scared of it. I've seen my three childhood best friends get murdered. I watched just the most horrific shit you can ever imagine take place. I've attempted to take my own life, which, by the way, I never would because of this healing journey and really understanding the capability of the life we can create and doing the work. And the last time that happened was 14 years ago. Almost 14 years ago. That doesn't even cross my mind anymore. But when you're hurt, when you're hurt and life fucking sucks and you want out, you won out. And so when. When it didn't come to fruition the first time, I was 14, as a baby, as a child, life was so painful. I just wanted the pain to end. And so when I. When it didn't work and I woke up the first time covered in vomit, laying on the floor with a bottle of pills next to me, I was just like, fuck, I guess I'll go to school today. That's what it was, right? And so I understand the question, but I didn't have that moment like many people do.

>> Tiffanie: Gotcha. just for other people who are going through hardship, you know, it's just so important to realize that it's temporary. What you're going through right now is temporary.

>> Michael Unbroken: Yeah, well, you know, it's, There's a. This too shall pass. Whatever. Good, bad, indifferent, doesn't matter. This too shall pass.

>> Tiffanie: Absolutely. If anybody is wanting to work with you, what is the best way for them to get a hold of you? Is it through your website, email?

>> Michael Unbroken: Yeah, anybody can go to thinkunbroken.com. I do hundreds of free coaching calls a month, so you just got to hop on the calendar. Just go to thinkunbroken.com.

>> Tiffanie: Awesome.


If one of my episodes has helped you, I would really like to know

Was there anything else that you wanted to add?

>> Michael Unbroken: I'm here for you.

>> Tiffanie: All right, I manifested your ass here. So look, I got something. I'm, a dork. Sorry.

>> Michael Unbroken: I love it.

>> Tiffanie: All right, well, I want to thank you so much for being here. I really do appreciate it. I think this. This is good. And a lot of people can identify exactly what they need to do with themselves, so I appreciate it.

>> Michael Unbroken: Yeah, it's an honor. Thank you for having me.

>> Tiffanie: Absolutely. Thanks. I think we all know somebody who can benefit from this episode. Please make sure to share it with them. and thank you guys so much for listening to my podcast. This really means a lot to me. If one of my episodes has helped you in any way, I would really like to know. It's important for me to know that the work that I'm doing is actually helping people. If you want more of me, make sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel and follow me on Instagram and TikTok. If you or anyone you know is in need of national hotlines, please go to truchrimeconnections.com. i have all the phone numbers there listed for anything that you could possibly imagine. All right. My renowned roots community, keep building hope and gaining strength. Until next time.